Dark Matters
by dantsolo
Summary: AU. Han and Leia admit their feelings the night Han has rescued Luke on Hoth. The next morning, Han leaves for Tatooine, before the Empire attacks. Leia is captured. Now, Han must save Leia in every way possible...
1. Chapter 1: Gathering Courage

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! In the spirit of love and romance, I am posting my new fic earlier than planned. It's very dark and different from my other fics. I really hope you like it :)

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Dark Matters

By Dant Solo

Han Solo sat on his bunk, pondering the fade and glitter of the necklace between his fingers. Light played brightly over the blue and green gems, reminding him vaguely of the land and sea of a distant planet. His lips twisted to one side in quiet contemplation.

A rap on the door distracted him and he placed the trinket to one side on the bed. "Come in," he called gruffly.

The door slid open to reveal Chewbacca's massive, furry form. He roared an update on the latest repairs to the Millennium Falcon.

Han nodded. "Great. Now we just have to work on the central lifter." This was their last night on Hoth. In the morning they would lift off and he would finally face his debt to Jabba the Hutt. It was not what he wanted, but at this point, he had no choice.

After the mission to Ord Mantell with Princess Leia, he made the harrowing decision to leave the Rebellion. And her.

Why had he waited three long years to admit to himself that he wanted her? Now, after his outstanding debt had almost gotten Leia killed, he had to go. And it was too late for them. He had wasted years in denial and doubt. It was definitely one of his biggest mistakes and it left a sinking feeling in both his stomach and heart.

Chewie's growled question pulled Han's thoughts back to the present. He followed the Wookiee's gaze, embarrassment taking him by surprise.

"Yeah," he answered in his most biting, sarcastic tone. "I got it just for you." He could hardly deny who the necklace was intended for. Would his faithful companion believe it was for Luke?

Han was surprised by Chewie's soft suggestion. "Nah," he answered quietly. "I can't give it to her now." He picked it up again and gingerly ran a thumb over the gems.

The barking question caused him to grimace. "Throw it in a drawer, I guess."

Chewbacca growled with a grin, suggesting he give it to Leia himself and then she might just fall in love with a Wookiee.

When Han only responded with a roll of his eyes, Chewie warbled encouragement.

Han was not feeling confident at all. "I don't even know if it would matter to her."

The Wookiee assured him it would.

Han's brow rose but his frown remained. "You keep saying that. But, every time I think maybe you're right…" he trailed off and sighed. "She gives me a reason to change my mind." He shook his head. "Anyway, what does it matter? We're leaving."

Chewie growled softly, telling Han not to be a fool and let this chance slip by him.

"Never knew you were such a romantic," Han sneered. He looked down at the sparkling bauble in his hand. For a long time, Chewie had advocated his belief that the Princess returned Han's feelings. After steadily denying that he had those feelings, he finally admitted the truth. But, it was still hard to believe she felt the same. And every time he glimpsed something in her eyes that spurred him on, she quickly showed him contrary feelings and his doubts returned.

Chewie encouraged him to go to her and asked what the worst was that could happen.

Han pondered the question. The worst? He imagined her scoffing response and the hurt and disappointment he would leave himself open to. It was something he had avoided his entire life by shrouding his heart in full body armor. He wasn't willing to put himself in such a vulnerable positon now.

He had come damn close to exposing his feelings in the south passage. She didn't appear to catch on to why he was pushing her to acknowledge how she felt about him. Did she think he was just being a jerk? All right, he had to admit, he had acted like a jerk and he deserved her anger. But, he had been so mad and disgusted by her apathy when he told her he was leaving. And since he had intended to take off as soon as possible, he had figured he had nothing to lose.

But, then he had rescued Luke from the freezing elements and he was still here. She had thanked him for going after Luke. But, she hadn't said much else. Had she been concerned about Han's well-being at all?

He returned his attention to Chewie. "Forget it," he grumbled. "Like I said, we're leavin'."

Chewie's next words gave Han pause. They could always come back.

Han had never given the idea serious thought. Of course, Jabba was a variable. He was obviously furious with Han, as indicated by the outrageous sum of the price on his head. He didn't know if he would even make it out of Jabba's palace alive to go anywhere, much less return to the Alliance.

To Leia. He might as well see it for what it was.

He looked dubiously at his first mate. "I dunno."

Chewie again encouraged him to give the necklace to the Princess and admit his feelings. Admitting his feelings straight-away was out of the question. But maybe…maybe, if he gave her the necklace it would lead to _something._

Was it worth the risk to once and for all know where he stood with Leia? Maybe it was. But the thought knotted up his stomach.

He stood and dropped the necklace in his jacket pocket. "All right," he said with dread. "I'll go feel her out."

Chewie's comment about what else Solo might get to feel did not amuse Han. Then his friend wished him luck and his tone was very sincere.

Han tossed him an uneasy glance and grimly replied, "Thanks." It was approaching night and he hoped he would be lucky enough to find her in her cabin. Getting her alone would be difficult otherwise.

He left his cabin, passed through the corridor and opened the boarding ramp. He strode down with a shiver. He was going to miss Leia. But he was _not_ going to miss this frozen hell.


	2. Chapter 2: To Give or Not to Give

Will he give her the necklace? Let's find out! ;) Thank you for reading and for the great reviews!

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Outside the Princess' quarters, Han hesitated, his hand moving to the pocket where the necklace hid. He felt its contours through the fabric. What the hell was he doing? This was a stupid idea.

But, here he was. He might as well go through with it. He gave a long, resigned sigh and rapped on the door. It seemed a long time before it slid open before him.

He watched Leia's expression turn from impassive to leery.

"Hey," he said in a subdued tone.

"Hello," she replied with a wariness that matched his. She looked beautiful in the cold, dim light; small and endearing, dwarfed in the large doorway.

After an awkward silence, he asked, "Can I come in?" He could see in her eyes that she wanted to tell him no, but her well-bred manners did not allow it.

She stepped aside and gestured with the slight wave of a hand. He walked into the small, chilly quarters, suddenly thankful that he had the Falcon to sleep on.

He turned to face her. "How do you sleep in this cold?"

"I don't sleep much anyway," she replied flatly. "What is it that you want?"

Hands on his hips, Han glanced to the stark, white floor. How to answer that? He pursed his lips together and looked back at her. Mentally, he took a breath. "I'm leaving in the morning." He waited expectantly. He thought he saw a slight softening around her eyes but wasn't sure.

"Have you told Luke?"

"Not yet." Why was he so nervous? "I'm gonna go say my good byes before I lift off."

She nodded, impossible to read. "Well," she paused. "Good luck."

He bit back a snide retort, irritated and disappointed again by her lack of reaction. He almost turned around and strode out the door. But he dug his heels in and vowed to do this, for better or worse.

"I wanted to give you something before I go." His voice sounded hollow to his own ears.

If possible, her expression became more distrustful and she seemed to shrink back. Han thought perhaps she was anticipating a kiss. Her reaction did not bode well. In a nervous rush, his hand rose to his pocket and, as he removed the gift, it stuck inside the fabric. _Smooth, Solo,_ he thought to himself. He finally extricated the necklace and suddenly regretted not presenting it to her in a box or something. A warm flush spread up his neck as he held it up for her to see, avoiding her gaze for a long moment.

When he finally looked at her face, her mouth hung open in surprise. She blinked several times, seemingly at a loss for words.

"I…," she began, then closed her mouth. Her brow knitted in confusion. "Is that…?" She looked at it more closely. "Is that from Ord Mantell?"

His jaw tensed. "Yeah." When she only gaped, he continued. "I saw you looking at it and…well, I figured you liked it. And you don't really have anything…" He trailed off dumbly, keeping his eyes planted on the shiny gems. He had never felt quite this awkward.

"I can't accept it," she said in a rush.

Han returned his eyes to hers and saw his discomfort mirrored there. "Well, you have to," he insisted. "I'm sure not gonna wear it. And it's too small for Chewie." The joke deflated between them. "Here." He held it out to her, his gaze flickering between her and the icy floor.

Slowly, her hands rose to reluctantly take the necklace from him. "Is this a peace offering?" she asked in a serious voice.

He matched her tone, an intense flush racing through him. "If that's what you want to call it."

Her face held a mixture of skepticism and vulnerability. The open, raw quality in her eyes gave Han hope. He tried to decide how honest he wanted to be. He took a small step closer to her and she did not back away. He realized his breath was coming a bit too fast in his throat as he moved even closer and took the necklace from her.

"Here, I'll put it on you." He was beginning to regain some of his usual confidence. He moved behind her and, with a hand at each end of the chain, lowered it in front of her. He stepped closer, his breath hovering against her neck. "Hold still," he whispered near her ear. His pulse was racing and he ached to place his lips on the smooth skin of her neck.

When he had secured the clasp, he placed his hands on her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. The necklace dangled at an odd angle over the collar of her coldsuit, but it caught the light and sparkled.

Eyes on the gems, he told her quietly, "It looks beautiful on you." He met her eyes and saw her staring at him in wonder. Her lower lip was trembling and it touched something deep inside Han that he hadn't known was there. Reverently, he placed his palm against her cheek, eyes never leaving hers. In that moment, he knew his feelings ran deeper than he had realized.

"Thank you," she whispered, her lips barely moving, her face flushed to the roots of her abundant hair.

Just as he decided to lower his lips to hers, she averted her gaze and took a small step away from him. Han had no choice but to let her go. He sighed with disappointment.

Leia touched the necklace at her throat. "You really shouldn't have," she declared nervously.

Han was busy trying to figure out how to get that moment back. He smirked, feeling more like himself. "I almost didn't."

Leia looked back at him quizzically.

"I wanted to give it to you on Ord Mantell," he explained. "That night on the beach."

At the mention of that night, Leia crossed her arms over her chest and looked away.

"I've thought about that night a lot," Han continued. She refused to meet his gaze. "What're you thinking, Princess?"

Her eyes snapped to his. Her mouth opened but her words were delayed. "I...about that night."

He stepped closer to her and could see how affected she was. "What about that night?" he asked softly. He took one more step nearer and was pleased when she did not back away. He stared into her eyes and ran a hand down her arm. He took her small hand in his and felt her shiver in response.

She shook her head wordlessly. Han placed a gentle finger below her chin and tilted her face towards him. "This is what I wanted to do that night," he murmured in a deep, husky whisper before his lips met hers and he felt them tremble against his. She remained still beneath his mouth, not returning the tender caress. Her lips parted and when Han pulled back to look at her, her eyes were closed and her expression was dreamy. Her lids slowly fluttered open and they just looked at each other for a long moment, a gentle emotion flowing between them.

Then she seemed to come back to herself and her brow furrowed, her eyes became soft. "Why would you do this?" she whispered in a pained voice. "Why would you do this when you're leaving tomorrow?"

Her words brought a sharp pang to his chest. His eyes lowered momentarily as he wondered how to answer that question. How could he admit that it had taken him all this time to work up the nerve? He met her gaze, feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. "I didn't…" he began. "I didn't mean for it to be this way." He paused, struggling for the words to explain. He was not normally one for words but he supposed he owed her an explanation. "There were a lot of times, I tried before…" He trailed off, frustrated and uncertain, eyes lowering.

Tentatively, Leia moved to rest her hands against his chest and Han stopped trying to speak. He looked at her and saw that her face was upturned, inviting him to kiss her again.

He kissed her more firmly this time and she returned it without hesitation. Her lips were supple and the kiss was everything Han had imagined it would be. A deep emotion swelled in him, clutching his heart. They lost themselves and the kiss seemed endless.

Their lips finally parted like the tide slowly leaving the shore and their eyes opened to each other. A peaceful emotion flowed between them and Han was reluctant to interrupt it.

Leia brought the moment to an end. With serious eyes, she asked, "Why did you come here tonight?" Her chin rose in a slight challenge.

Han searched himself for an answer. He was slow to respond but finally admitted, "I guess…I guess I came here tonight to get the answer to the question I've been wondering about for the past three years." His gaze wavered.

Her features hardened. "And what question is that? If you can get into the Princess' bed?"

Han couldn't help the smile that sparked his features. "I didn't come here tonight to sleep with you."

Her expression relaxed.

"Don't get me wrong," he added, an amused smirk gracing his lips. "I want to."

The wariness returned to Leia's expression.

Han decided that last comment was not his smartest decision. Maybe thinking before speaking wasn't as overrated as he had always thought. He took her hand in both of his. "But, that's not why I'm here," he said solemnly.

"So, why are you here?" Her voice was softer than Han had ever heard it.

He pursed his lips, searching for words. "'Cause I've wanted to kiss you since Yavin," he answered truthfully.

Leia's eyes widened before she averted her gaze. "So, why now?"

He couldn't deny that his timing sucked. "I dunno. I was waiting for the right time?" He phrased this as a question, knowing it sounded ridiculous.

She shot him a look of incredulity. "You think the night before you leave is the right time?"

"Hey, you haven't made this easy."

She gaped. " _I_ haven't made it easy?"

"All right, I could've done some things differently," he conceded.

She nodded. "Yes. You could've tried being nice." Her tone was gentle even though her words were harsh.

"Hey," he countered softly. "You started it."

"How did I start it?"

"What was the first thing you said to me when we met?"

Leia thought for a moment but Han answered his own question.

"You criticized my rescue plan, and it wasn't even my plan. Then you yelled at me in the trash compactor, ordered me around like I was one of your servants, and insulted my ship." He leaned down and kissed her quickly to soften his words. "So, yeah. You started it."

Her expression was dubious. "I'd had a long day," she said dryly.

He laughed in quiet surprise. Her sarcasm matched his and it was one of many things he enjoyed about her. He placed a hand on her cheek and brushed back a few soft tendrils of hair behind her ear. His eyes became serious and Leia sobered in response. He leaned down and captured her lips with his own, kissing her long and slow. His tongue gently parted her lips and he heard a soft moan low in her throat, sending a thrill up his spine. For a moment, she was still, then her tongue began to move tentatively against his, brushing in light, feathery strokes that inflamed him.

When the kiss ended they were both breathless. She gazed up at him with a wistful expression.

"You've really wanted to kiss me since Yavin?" she asked, a tiny smile curving her lips.

He smiled back. "Yeah. There were a bunch of times I almost did. Especially that night on Ord Mantell."

A soft blush covered her cheeks. "I think deep down, that night, I knew that," she said slowly, her expression pensive. She glanced away. "Or maybe I just wanted you to but wouldn't admit it to myself."

"Why?"

She looked back at him. "Why what?"

"Why didn't you want to admit it?"

She looked at him as if he were crazy. "Why would I want to? You've spent the last three years tormenting me."

"Tormenting?" His tone was defensive. "Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

"Not at all."

He mulled it over and twisted his lower lip in concession. "All right, I suppose I can see how it would seem that way to you." He smiled. "But, most of the time I was just teasing you."

"And the rest of the time?"

He grinned. "Well, sometimes you pissed me off." He paused. "But, it was so easy to rile you. And you look so beautiful when you're angry."

She blushed and averted her eyes.

"And when you blush," he teased gently. He smiled when her cheeks went from pink to red. It felt so good to be close to her, to have her smiling at him. He took both her hands and began brushing them gently with his thumbs.

Leia's smile faded as she returned his caress with her own fingers. Her gaze lingered at his chest and her expression was pensive.

Han already had an idea of where her thoughts had gone. "I shouldn't've taken so long," he confessed soberly.

"No. You shouldn't have," she said without looking at him.

Silently, he cursed himself for not gathering the courage before now. Aloud, he said, "I've always done my best work at the last minute."

She looked up at him and he offered a small, apologetic smile. She smiled slightly and rolled her eyes.

Han dropped one hand and led her by the other to the small bunk that sat in the center of the wall. He sat down and when he looked for her to follow, she was staring at him suspiciously.

Han laughed. "I just wanna sit down." He gestured around them at the small table beside the bed and the storage compartment next to the door. "There's nowhere else to sit."

With the raise of an eyebrow, Leia sat down next to him.

He leaned towards her but kept his hands in his lap. "I promise to be on my best behavior," he told her, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

Both brows rose now. "Hmm…" she said. "I'm not sure I trust even your best behavior." But her tone was light and teasing.

Han glanced around the small room. "Seriously, it's so cold in here."

"It was a bit warmer yesterday. But, that's because the walls were melting."

He tossed a baffled look in her direction.

Leia's smile was crooked. "Apparently, Threepio inadvertently asked Artoo to raise the temperature. The story was hard to follow. There was a lot of beeping involved and I gave up trying to understand."

Han laughed. "I don't blame you. Threepio's bad enough by himself. Get those two together and they never shut up."

As he watched, her expression shifted from amused to somber. She watched their intertwined hands for a moment then looked back to him.

"Why are you leaving now? I know you said the bounty hunter changed your mind…but, it's been three years."

"Are you gonna miss me, Sweetheart?" he asked in a deep whisper.

She averted her eyes and her cheeks flushed again. "I asked first," she declared when her gaze returned to his.

Han mulled over how he should answer. Honesty didn't always suit him but in this case it seemed the best choice. "I was planning on staying, just like I told you on the way to Ord Mantell." Now, it was his turn to gaze at the crisscross of their fingers. "And if I only had to worry about me, I'd still be staying." He tensed, the idea of putting his feelings into words making him uncomfortable. He shrugged. "But…you almost got handed over to the Empire." He paused and slowly shook his head. "That can't happen again." His eyes remained downcast.

Silence lingered. Han waited for Leia to say something and, when she did not, he finally looked up at her.

She was gazing at him in awed wonder. Han had never seen such an expression on her face. "You're leaving to protect me?" she asked softly.

He fought down his self-consciousness. "Yeah," he answered, eyes locked on hers. A hollow vulnerability filled his stomach. Unable to endure the strong emotions, he sought to lighten the mood. "At least you won't have anyone around driving you crazy anymore."

His attempt at levity failed and Leia remained unsmiling.

"So, I answered your question, Princess, now you answer mine."

Her eyes were confused, then he saw understanding hit. "What question was that?" she asked in a taut voice.

He cupped her chin and asked in a deep rumble, "Are you going to miss me?"

Her lips fell open and Han thought he saw a slight shimmer in her eyes.

"Yes," she finally whispered, her lips barely moving.

Han's mouth slowly descended to hers and the kiss quickly turned passionate. He placed his arms around her, pressing her tightly against him. His hand moved to the back of her head and held her firmly in place. He felt her hands in his hair and the sensation further ignited the building flame inside him.

Leia broke the kiss and looked at him. Han could see pain in her eyes, something familiar to him; but, now he was the cause of that pain. It felt both good and horrible.

A flicker of guilt scuttled through him. He shouldn't feel pleased by her pain. It just felt so good to know he mattered to her.

"It's good to know you care," he said with his trademark, lopsided grin.

"Of course I care," she countered. "I've never said I didn't."

"Well, you've never give me a reason to think you do, either."

"All things considered, the fact that we've continued a friendship should have been an indication that I care."

"When I told you yesterday that I was leaving, you didn't bat an eye."

Leia's lips thinned to a firm line. "I didn't want you to _know_ I cared," she confessed.

"Why do you think I was so mad and walked away?"

Her eyes lit with that familiar fire. "Why do you think I ran after you?"

Suddenly, curious, he sat back. "Why did you run after me?"

With the look of a raan'at cornered by a goke, Leia paused. "I didn't really think it through." She dropped her gaze then raised it again. "I didn't want to see you go. You had said you were staying and…" She grimaced. "I wanted to know why you changed your mind. And I suppose I was hoping…you would change your mind back and decide to stay."

"What'd you think? Your old speech about the Rebellion was going to sound new all of a sudden?"

She tossed him a sardonic look.

Han continued. "I don't have a choice, I have to go. But, if I did have a choice, lecturing me about how the Alliance needs me wouldn't have done the trick."

Her expression softened. "What was I supposed to say?"

Dozens of possibilities flew through Han's mind. He settled on, "How about, ' _I_ want you to stay'?"

She looked down. "I couldn't say that."

Han lifted a finger to tip her chin up so that she was looking at him. "Why?" He held her chin just firmly enough to force her to hold his gaze.

She grimaced slightly. "Because I could barely admit that to myself." She paused. "And you. You could've let me know how you felt."

His hand dropped. "Fair enough," he conceded, unwilling to linger on this train of thought. "I planned to on Ord Mantell. But, things didn't go the way I wanted." He sighed. He supposed it wouldn't have made that much difference. He would still have to leave.

They each sat quietly with their own thoughts.

Leia broke the silence. "I never thought you were serious."

"About what?"

"The things you would say to me."

"What things?"

Leia sighed over exasperating memories. "Let's see…things like on Nimbla IV. When you invited me to take a shower with you."

Han snickered.

"Or, on Ord Mantell," she continued. "When you offered to take my clothes off for me."

He just grinned, admiring his own cleverness.

"Or, on Lahoosia, when you—"

"Okay, okay, I get it." He put his arms around her. "When I flirted with you."

Her jaw dropped in astonishment. "That was flirting? I'm starting to doubt your reputation as a ladies' man," she chided.

"Don't you worry about my reputation."

"Have those lines ever worked for you?" she asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

"They weren't lines," he said with a shake of the head. "Okay, there was some truth to those things. Did I want to take your clothes off? Of course."

Leia rolled her eyes.

"Did I ever think you were going to take me up on those offers? Of course not."

She smiled and shook her head slowly. Han watched her expression shift. "And here we are," she said somberly.

"Here we are," he murmured.

"And now you're leaving."

Guilt stabbed through him again, even though her tone was not accusatory.

Her eyes were vulnerable, almost scared. "I don't want you to go," she whispered.

Han had waited three years to hear those words. He expected to be happy, but only felt a sadness he had not felt in longer than he could remember.

"I don't want me to go, either." He contemplated putting off his departure. But, his mind fell back to the vibroblade at Leia's throat; his fear when he jumped in the waterskimmer and didn't know where to find her. He knew he couldn't put it off any longer. "But, I can't put you at risk again. I've gotta get this price off my head."

She nodded and they both lowered their eyes.

Without looking at her, Han continued before he lost his nerve. "It scared the hell out of me when that Twi'lek took you off in that skimmer." His words were low and it was a strain to say them aloud.

He felt Leia squeeze his hand and he kept his eyes on the bright white of the floor. He couldn't begin to articulate the extent of his fear. "I've been in danger more times than I can count. Was that any different?" she asked quietly.

He glanced up at her briefly but found it much easier to speak when he wasn't looking at her. "Yeah, it was. Cause I was the reason it happened."

"That doesn't make it different."

He finally met her gaze. "It does to me."

"Han, every time I leave on a mission, I know there's a chance I won't make it back. I accepted that a long time ago."

"If you don't make it back," Han felt an internal shudder at the thought, "it would be cause of fighting the Empire. At least it would be for a reason, for what you believe in. If anything had happened to you on Ord Mantell…it would've been for no good reason." He turned his eyes away again.

Very faintly, he heard her whispered reply. "You're a good reason."

His gaze was instantly drawn back to her. Her words hit him like a concussion missile and exploded inside him. Feelings he never knew before darted and fluttered. He had no idea how to respond and so he took her in his arms and kissed her.

They kissed desperately, their mouths hungry, their hands roaming over each other. Han wanted to make love to her, more than he had ever wanted anything. But, he couldn't do that and then leave in the morning. It would surely hurt her. And it might even hurt him.

Leia finally pulled away, her breathing harsh. She leaned her head forward and closed her eyes. Han gently pressed his forehead to hers and they sat, catching their breath for a time.

"Will I ever see you again?" she whispered.

He was unprepared for the wave of emotion that shot through him. He kept his eyes closed and remained unmoving, hoping to gain control of his feelings. For a long moment, he felt he couldn't speak without betraying the way she affected him.

Leia finally sat up and Han followed, regaining some of his composure.

"I dunno," he replied honestly. "After Tatooine…well, I hope there is an after."

Her eyes narrowed briefly then rose in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He grimaced. "Considering the high price on my head, I dunno how lenient Jabba's gonna be."

Her bewilderment turned to fear. "What do you think he'll do?" she asked in a small voice.

His tone and expression solemn, Han answered truthfully. "Hard to say. The way he sees it, I skipped out on him three years ago. He's not exactly going to pat me on the back and hand me an ale."

In a sudden movement, Leia clasped his hands. "You can't go," she said fiercely.

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I have to go," he said quietly.

"What if he kills you?"

The concern and fear in her eyes made him wonder how he had ever doubted that she cared. "Leia, I can't spend the rest of my life running and lookin' over my shoulder."

"Isn't that how we're all living?"

"Even if I was gonna do that, I'd still have to leave."

"Why?"

"Cause I can't let anything happen to you."

Leia looked down at their joined hands, her face a portrait of misery.

Han lifted her chin with a hand and shot her a grin and a wink. "Hey. Don't worry too much about me. I've got Corellian luck on my side."

She did not return his good humor. "Three years," she said sadly.

He did not want to spend their last moments together in misery. "Yeah, three years we could've been doing this." He kissed her briefly.

"If only you weren't so stubborn."

Han laughed in disbelief. "I'm stubborn? What about you?" He pointed a finger at her chest.

"I'm not nearly as stubborn as you are," she replied calmly.

"Really?"

Leia nodded.

Han couldn't believe they were having this conversation. "I think you need to take a long look in the reflector."

"I probably wouldn't be able to see myself, since you would be stubbornly standing in front of me," she said through slightly clenched teeth.

Han burst into laughter. Her comebacks were almost as good as his. Leia began to laugh as well and he kissed her again. He had heard her laugh before, but rarely with him. She was even more beautiful when she laughed than when she was angry.

This night felt like a dream. He didn't want to go to sleep and wake up to reality. Maybe he was mellowing with age. He had never stayed in one place for so long, had never even wanted to. Being with a woman had never felt this good. He was angry with himself for waiting until now to confront their feelings. Why did nothing ever seem to work out right?

"Leia?"

She smiled. "Tonight is the first time you've ever called me by my name."

"It can't be. I've called you Leia before."

"No, you haven't."

"Are you sure?"

Her responding look was disdainful. "I'm quite sure."

"Should I go back to 'Your Worship'?"

"No!"

Han chuckled. "I've come up with some really good ones."

"I'm glad you think so," she came back at him.

"Hmm…" He made a show of tapping his chin and thinking. "I think my favorite was 'Your Holiest of All Hignesses.' You remember that one?"

"I'll never forget it," she countered dryly.

He grinned, his eyes full of mischief. "I seem to remember you calling me 'Flyboy' when we first met."

"If you recall, you hadn't introduced yourself yet."

"Sorry, I should've asked those Troopers to hold their fire for introductions."

She smiled crookedly and shook her head. Han was enjoying this immensely. With both their guards down, their banter had lost the biting edge it usually held.

Now, he wanted Leia more than ever. If he could swing it, if he could make it out of Jabba's palace alive, he wanted to be with her. He would stay with the Alliance. If he had to, he would take a formal rank.

For the first time in his life, Han Solo had something he wanted more than his freedom.


	3. Chapter 3: The Endless Night

More good times before the darkness falls...

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Bundled in Han's arms, Leia startled awake, confused and disoriented, but feeling oddly at peace. She quickly realized she had fallen asleep on her narrow bunk, fully clothed on top of the covers. She looked at Han and he too was asleep, his breathing slow and deep.

It felt surreal, the entire night. She had fought this attraction to Han for so long, now she couldn't even remember why. Over the years, Leia had seen glimmers of the man beneath the bluster. There were brief moments, here and there, of a man who cared and had honor. But, he spent so much time pretending to be the opposite.

Leia had long ago decided that Han's life had not been easy and that he hadn't had much support growing up. He refused to answer questions about his past, which drove Leia mad. After three years, she knew no more about his past than when she first met him; other than that he had been dishonorably discharged from the Imperial Navy, which she had discovered during a holonet search. It had shocked her. She couldn't imagine Han being in a situation where he had to take orders. Then again, perhaps that was where his hatred of authority came from.

She never judged his choices, not knowing what led him to the life he lived. She had only judged his bad attitude and the harsh way he treated her. He could make things so difficult sometimes.

She had known for a long time that he felt a protectiveness towards her. It often reminded her of the way a brother might treat a sister…tormenting her regularly yet becoming outraged if anyone else hurt her.

Of course, that was the only brotherly way in which he treated her. His endless innuendoes were far from familial.

Leia looked at him in the dim lighting. For the first time, she could look at him without the trepidation of being caught staring. Even if he were awake, she was free to watch him without the fear of her feelings being revealed.

Eyes closed, visage relaxed, he had never looked more handsome. He could put up no defenses and it softened his features and made Leia's pulse race.

Her thoughts travelled to their mission on Ord Mantell. She could not believe that Han Solo had purchased that necklace for her. The gift meant far more than the material item that it was. The gesture was so romantic, so unlike the Han she knew. It made her feel more special than any gift she had received in her privileged past. Coming from the unsentimental man that Han was, it was precious.

Her hand reached up to touch it reverently. What did this all mean? He cared about her. He didn't want to let her go. He had admitted that much. How far reaching were his feelings? When he said he didn't want to let her go, what exactly did that mean? Did he mean he would come back to her? It sounded that way; she wanted him to mean exactly that, but she was uncertain. He had not come out and said that and it was difficult to read between the lines with Han.

She marveled at the fact that she had been trained in diplomacy her entire life, had worked as a spy for the Alliance, and had engaged in dangerous subterfuge. She was well versed in reading between the lines in many settings. Yet, with this one strong, stubborn Corellian, she needed things to be direct. They had both danced around the unspoken truth for too long.

The thought of his departure settled over her, leaving a deep ache in her chest. She had lost everyone that mattered to her. That was her old life, drastically different from her current one. From the embers of her heartache, she had managed to build a new, smaller life. Smaller for the number of people in it, whom she had granted access into her closed circle. Luke had been intentional. Chewie had followed naturally. But Han had battered her defenses, refusing to remain outside her walls. Whether she wanted him there or not, he stubbornly remained. And, over time, she had grown to want him there, often against her will.

Now, all she wished was for him to stay. She snuggled closer to him, so warm in the surrounding cold air. He murmured in his sleep and Leia wondered if he was dreaming. She watched his face, wanting to kiss him again. She wanted to spend three years kissing him to make up for lost time.

His arms tightened around her and his brow wrinkled before he opened his eyes, took a moment to focus on her then smiled softly. His eyes were dark and hooded in the faint light and Leia felt as if she were drowning in them, lost yet not afraid. Overpowered by emotion, she stared back, certain that her eyes betrayed everything she felt. Han's smile faded slowly and his gaze turned solemn.

Pressed tightly against him, breath intermingling, Leia brushed her lips lightly against his, eyes open and never leaving his gaze. Han responded instantly to the caress, lips parting, tongue softly stroking her upper lip. She breathed a moan into his mouth and heard him respond with a deep, guttural groan low in his throat. She could barely feel his hands through her coldsuit and wished for his skin against hers. A flame ignited within her; Han slowly stoked it to a blaze. Their eyes fell closed and they were lost.

Their kisses became deeper, more passionate, and Leia had never felt anything so blissful as Han's mouth on hers, his body pressed intimately against her. Then, his hands were on her buttocks and she felt him hard against her inner thigh. Gasping with pleasure and desire, he began to move against her in a sensuous rhythm and Leia couldn't think; her world was narrowed to the movement of Han's hips against hers. The severe intensity of feelings throughout her body overshadowed all awareness as she matched Han's rhythm. She had never known anything could feel like this.

Like a douse of icy water, Han abruptly pulled away and sat up, leaving Leia bewildered and bereft. She sat up facing him and they were both breathing roughly. She could not begin to articulate the whirlwind inside her mind.

Han took her hand and closed his eyes, his expression pained. She could see that he was trying to steady his breathing before he spoke.

"Leia," he said in a low growl, eyes still closed.

Leia waited, feeling near tears but trying to remain composed. She wasn't even sure why she felt like crying; her emotions were a swirling mass of confusion.

Han's eyes finally opened and when he saw the look on her face he clasped her other hand. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Leia's eyes fell downward and a tear escaped.

"Blast," Han swore in a rough whisper as he scooped her into his arms. He rubbed her back gently and made soft, soothing sounds of comfort. "What'd I do?" he asked.

"Nothing. I…" She let the sentence fall into nothingness.

"You wouldn't be crying if it were nothing."

She took a deep breath and calmed her emotions. She had never felt so foolish. Wiping away the one tear that had fallen, she pulled away from Han's embrace but kept her eyes lowered.

"I'm okay," she said quietly. She could feel him watching her but could not bring herself to meet his gaze.

"Are you sure?" He didn't sound convinced.

"Yes."

His hand moved to cup her cheek and reflexively her eyes were drawn to his. His expression was troubled. She gave him a tentative smile.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked with a frown.

That was the last thing she wanted. She shook her head quickly. "Not unless you want to."

"I don't want to."

"Okay then," she replied lightly, attempting to shift the mood.

Awkwardness remained between them and Leia averted her eyes. Han laid back down on the small bunk and gently pulled her down beside him. She placed her head against his chest and could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. The soothing beats began to relax her.

"I'm sorry," he said tightly, breaking the silence.

Leia's brow furrowed. "For what?"

"Pushing you too far."

It took her a moment to understand his words. In a soft whisper, she replied, "I didn't say stop."

He took equally long to respond. "I thought…" His voice was strained and he cleared his throat. "I don't think it's fair…I'm leaving in the morning and…"

Leia did not know what to say and silence fell loudly between them. She wasn't even sure what to think. She had never expected anything like this night. In the moment, nothing had mattered beyond the intensity that sparked and flowed between them. She wanted nothing more than to be as close to Han as possible. Had it continued, she imagined she would have made love with him. She wasn't sure if she felt that way because she might never see him again, or in spite of that fact.

Han sighed. "I kinda assumed…considering everything you've accomplished, being so young and all at the time…"

She had never heard him so tongue tied. "What are you talking about?" she asked patiently.

He sighed again. "I just figured…you must be a virgin," he finished at last.

Leia's face suffused with heat and she was glad he was not looking at her. Was her inexperience so obvious? He seemed to be waiting for an answer.

"Yes," she acknowledged shortly.

He seemed to relax slightly. "I don't want your first time to be this way. With me leaving in the morning."

Her brow rose in surprise. "Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?"

He was slow to respond. "I just didn't want you to get caught up in the moment, then wake up tomorrow and regret your first time being here, with a smuggler who left you in the morning."

Leia wasn't sure if he was being sweet or ridiculous. "What does you being a smuggler have to do with anything?"

He seemed to squirm. "I dunno."

She thought to pursue the topic but then remembered that he hadn't pushed her about what had upset her. She let the matter drop.

The lapse in conversation was more comfortable this time. Leia couldn't help but think about how it had felt, their bodies moving together. She wished he hadn't stopped…and at the same time, was glad he did. Her thoughts and feelings were more complex than ever before. And beneath all of that, there was the fear of what would happen to Han when he left her. She couldn't fully acknowledge it.

"I don't want you to go to Tatooine," she repeated.

"I know, Sweetheart." His voice was tender.

"Go anywhere else," she pleaded.

He sighed lightly. "I have to go. You know I have to."

She did. But, she was so scared for him.

He pulled away and turned on his side, facing her. He smiled soothingly. "Hey. I'll be okay. It's me." He winked.

Leia was not soothed. She gazed at him gravely as he lowered his eyes.

"After I've settled the debt…" He glanced at her and looked away again. "What if…what if I came back?"

Her breath caught and for a moment she couldn't answer. He looked at her then, his gaze uncertain and vulnerable. It occurred to her that his confidence with her was as shaky as hers was with him. And suddenly, another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Han had spent the past three years fluctuating between caring and uncaring because he was afraid she would reject him.

 _Defense mechanisms,_ she thought. His overconfidence was a cover for the ways in which he lacked confidence. So many times, he had accused her of being attracted to him; had made overt, sexual comments that bordered on absurd. She assumed he was just that arrogant. But, if he flirted so outrageously, he put his attraction to her on the line, while still remaining safe inside his self-imposed cocoon.

The sudden apperception into Han's true self, the person he did not show to anyone, melted her. The sheer burst of divine emotion made her wonder if she had just fallen in love with him in that moment.

She had never felt she could express her feelings for Han, even those of friendship. With all of his mocking, insulting, and teasing, she never knew what to expect from him. She never felt safe letting her guard down. Now, she wanted to be honest and reassuring. It was the strangest shift in her perception of both him and of their relationship.

She smiled tenderly and placed a hand against his cheek. "Please come back," she whispered, eyes steady on his.

He smiled, quite possibly the goofiest smile ever plastered across his face. It warmed Leia's heart and erased all of her current worries. She kissed him and the hazy warmth of the moment enveloped them.


	4. Chapter 4: It's Not Good Bye

So happy you guys like this story! Thank you for reading and I very much appreciate every single review!

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In his assigned bed, resting in the med center, Luke Skywalker had raised the angle of the bunk so that he was sitting upright to talk with Leia. He was almost feeling back to normal, but Two-One-Bee would not yet release him from the med center. He was anxious to get back on duty.

Leia brushed the hair from his forehead, a caring, affectionate gesture. "The bacta are healing well. How does it feel?"

"Itchy," Luke replied simply.

She smiled. "That means it's healing."

There was something different about Leia this morning. She seemed happy, almost glowing, and more relaxed than he had ever seen her. Luke guessed it was because Han and he had made it back safely.

"Tell me about that creature that attacked you."

Luke grimaced at the memory. "It was huge, probably as tall as Chewie, but bulkier. White like the snow. All teeth and claws." He shuddered internally and his thoughts shifted to the vision he had seen before he passed out in the swirling snow.

 _Ben._ Had he been hallucinating? Or was it really Ben's spirit sending him a message through the Force? Luke tended to think the latter, but he doubted his adeptness in the Force just enough to question it. When he pushed those doubts aside and let the Force flow through him, he believed the apparition had truly been the Jedi Master. And he would have to follow through with Ben's instructions.

The opening of the door to the med center broke him from his thoughts and Luke looked up to see See-Threepio and Artoo-Detoo entering. Artoo's entrance was fairly silent in contrast to the clunking of Threepio's shuffling steps.

"Master Luke!" Threepio declared. "It's so good to see you fully functional again."

Artoo whistled and beeped.

"Artoo expresses his relief also," Threepio translated.

Before Luke could respond, the door swished open again and Han strode inside, followed by Chewie.

"How ya feeling, Kid?" Han called. Chewie roared over his shoulder. Han leaned down to examine him. "You don't look so bad to me. In fact, you look strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark."

Chewie barked in agreement…or at least it sounded that way to Luke.

Luke grinned. "Thanks to you."

"That's two you owe me, Junior."

Luke chuckled quietly. Han always treated him like a little brother. He knew it was the only way the Corellian could express his affection towards him.

Han turned in Leia's direction. "Hey, Princess."

Luke noticed something peculiar in Han's tone. He looked to Leia and watched as she smiled at Han, seeming to suppress a grin. There was an odd sparkle in her eyes.

"Captain," she acknowledged with a raise of her eyebrows.

Han grinned back.

Luke was baffled. He had witnessed an abundance of interactions between the two, some pleasant, many not. This was a puzzling, new dynamic between them. He wasn't certain what to think.

Han turned back to him before he could give it another thought.

"Listen, Kid," he began slowly, eyes lowered. "I'm, uh, taking off this morning." He looked at Luke for a reaction.

Luke glanced at Leia, whose expression had turned grave. She had averted her eyes to stare at the floor. Last he had heard, when Han and Leia returned from Ord Mantell, was that Han was planning to stay on indefinitely with the Alliance.

"Today?" Luke asked dumbly.

"Yeah."

"Why, all of a sudden?"

Han rested his hands at his hips and his lips firmed into a grim line. "We ran into a bounty hunter on Ord Mantell. I've gotta settle this debt before it gets me killed. Or anyone else, for that matter."

Chewie growled softly. Luke looked at Leia again and found her expression filled with grief. Brow lowered, her eyes were stricken and turned to the floor. She was taking this even harder than he would have expected. Or perhaps, she was betraying her feelings more than he would have expected.

Luke looked at Han again and sighed. He couldn't believe he was never going to see him again. In spite of the fact that Han talked about leaving all the time, after three years, Luke sort of expected that he never would.

He didn't know what to say. He finally settled on, "Good luck."

"Thanks," Han said simply. He clapped Luke on the shoulder and their eyes held for a moment. Luke thought he could almost sense that Han's feelings of brotherhood mirrored his own.

"I hope our paths cross again someday," Luke said, his words sincere.

"Me, too," Han said solemnly. He smiled with emotion and turned to Leia. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute, Princess?"

"Yes, of course," she replied in a quiet, serious tone. She placed a hand over Luke's. "I'll be right back." She turned and followed Han out the door.

Luke stared at the sheet covering his legs but wasn't really seeing it. He couldn't believe Han was leaving. And he wondered about Han and Leia…had something happened between them? Luke had suspected for some time that each had feelings for the other. But, they both seemed too stubborn to admit it. They were more similar than either wanted to believe.

Luke realized that with him going to the Dagobah system and Han leaving for Tatooine, Leia would have no one. She was quite possibly the strongest person Luke knew, but he was aware that since the destruction of Alderaan, she had come to rely on them. He felt as if they had become a little family to each other. Leia and he had no family left to them. If Han had family, he never mentioned them. And Chewie had a wife and son, but he was dutifully fulfilling his life debt to Han, and so he rarely saw them. Even the droids felt like family to Luke.

Now, they would be scattered to the winds. Luke felt a stab of guilt for leaving at such a time. She was always there for him. He remembered their escape from the Death Star, when he had been shocked and dismayed at the loss of Ben. Leia, who had just lost her entire planet and everything that mattered to her, had stopped to comfort him. At the time, he hadn't realized the entirety of her loss. He had been too focused on the whirlwind going on around them and his own feelings of loss. Later, when he finally realized everything she had been through, he felt almost selfish for dwelling on the loss of one, considering all that Leia had lost.

She was the most caring being Luke had ever known. She cared about the entire galaxy and was determined to save it. He knew she would get by on her own, she was too tenacious not to. And he would return after his business on Dagobah was finished.

Luke wished Han was coming back as well. But, he imagined that once his debt was repaid, Han and Chewie would soar off on their own again, just as Ben and he had found them. With thoughts of his Aunt and Uncle in mind, it amazed Luke how people could be such a significant part on one's life and then just be gone, forever.

He hoped that, as he had expressed to Han, someday their paths would cross again. But, it was a huge galaxy and most likely, he would never see his friend again.

###

Han and Leia ducked into an empty room in the med center and Han immediately took her in his arms. He kissed her, long and sweet, before she could say a word. He felt her hands bury in his hair and the kiss became desperate. They clung to each other as if they might never let go.

When their lips finally parted, Han took her face in his hands. She reached up and caressed his lower lip with a fingertip and he kissed it tenderly.

"I'm going to miss you," she whispered.

Although he had heard it before from women in the past, this was the first time it meant anything to Han. "Sweetheart, I'm going to do whatever I can to get back here to you," he said, his voice low and sincere. He kissed her softly. "But, we need a contingency plan."

"What kind of contingency plan?"

"I dunno how long it's gonna take me to work things out with Jabba." He paused, silently hoping that he _could_ work things out with Jabba. "What if this base isn't here anymore?"

"I hope we'll be here. After all the work it took to make this base a reality."

"Well, just in case."

Leia nodded but said nothing.

From his jacket pocket, Han pulled a datachip. "The way I see it, if you're not here for some reason, we should set up a time and place to meet."

She took the datachip and shot him a questioning look.

"I think the safest bet is Kashyyyk."

"Kashyyyk?" Leia echoed.

"Yeah. Chewie's family'll keep you safer than anyone else."

"But, there's a strong Imperial presence on Kashyyyk."

"Trust me."

She placed the chip in a pants pocket. "This doesn't sound like a solid plan."

"That's cause you don't know Chewie's family," he countered. "Look, hopefully it won't come to that, hopefully I'll get back and find you right here." He brushed her lip with a thumb, feeling wistful. "But, just in case…" He paused and looked into her eyes. They seemed larger and darker than ever and he thought he would like to fall into them and get lost. "I don't wanna lose you," he finished in a murmur.

Her gaze softened and Han's heart gave a double thump. Hadn't he always wanted her to look at him like that? She reached up on her toes to lightly kiss his lips. "What's on the datachip, Hotshot?" she whispered.

The huskiness of her voice made him think of nothing but taking her to bed. He forced his mind back to more immediate matters. "The coordinates and contact information on Kashyyyk. It'll all be taken care of. You'll be safer there than you are here."

She raised a brow. "I seriously doubt that."

"Trust me," he told her.

"You said that already," she reminded him.

He grinned. "Then why are you doubting me?"

She rolled her eyes and took a breath through her nose, a gesture Han had come to know well.

"Two standard months from today," he informed her.

"What?"

"Meet me on Kashyyyk two months from today."

"If I'm no longer here," she said softly.

"Yes," he nodded.

She looked at him curiously. "Why two months?"

"I don't know," Han admitted. "Gives me some time to square things with Jabba."

She placed a hand on his chest and her brow furrowed.

Han knew that look. "Don't worry, Princess," he assured her with a tap under the chin. "I'll be okay." He fervently hoped he was right about that. He didn't want to let her down. And, for the first time, he had something that mattered to him. He no longer wanted to amble aimlessly through life, flying by the seat of his Corellian Bloodstripes.

Leia nodded, eyes averted, and sighed deeply. She looked up at him, her gaze vulnerable. Her mouth opened as if she were going to speak, then closed without a word.

"What?" Han asked softly.

"Nothing." Her eyes were large and liquid.

He stepped closer to her and brushed her cheek tenderly with the backs of his fingers. "What'd you wanna say, Sweetheart?" He kept his voice a low rumble.

Leia's lashes fell forward and she leaned her head against his chest, placing her arms around his torso.

Han returned the embrace, his head resting atop the crisscross of her braids. Overwhelmed with emotion, he closed his eyes, completely unable to sort through all the unfamiliar feelings bursting inside him.

It was hard to believe they were here, at the beginning, where it might also be the end. He had to come up with a good angle to work Jabba. Leia had been hurt so much, he didn't want to add to her misery.

He was thankful she would still have Luke in his absence. There had been a time when he had been a bit jealous of Luke. He hadn't admitted it to himself at the time. But, Luke's huge crush on the Princess had been glaringly obvious. They always shared a quiet affection, as well as the same ideals and beliefs. It seemed almost natural for them to become a couple.

But, three years later, they were only close friends. Han had eventually realized that there would be no more between them than that. He would never have said it aloud, not even to Chewie, but that realization brought him a measure of relief.

Even when he had thought he had no chance with her, the idea of her with someone else irked him. Other than Luke, he had little to worry about. She was friendly with so few. And not many found her approachable.

She pulled back to look at him but did not leave the circle of his arms. "Please be careful." Her whisper was heartfelt.

"Aren't I always?" he quipped to make light of the situation.

Leia pointed an eyebrow at him. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

Han smiled before his expression became serious. "I have to go."

` She nodded, lowered her gaze and sighed. Han nudged her chin and she returned to look at him, eyes solemn. He felt so much but lacked the words to express those feelings. He wanted to assure her that he would be back but did not want to make promises that might die with him.

He bent his head to kiss her, quite possibly for the last time. He hoped he was wrong about that, but he put everything he felt into that one kiss, just in case. She responded with all the tenderness and passion that Han felt.

For just a moment, irrationality took over and Han thought, _'To hell with it, I'm staying.'_ Then an image invaded his mind: Leia on Ord Mantell, vibroblade at her throat; he knew he had to go.

Their lips slowly uncoupled but they remained in each other's arms. Han's eyes drifted over her features, memorizing the curve of her lips, the slope of her nose, the deep, dark brown of her eyes.

"I'm not going to say good bye," she said in a soft susurration.

He nodded, instantly understanding. "I'll see you soon," he replied softly.

"See you soon," she returned in kind.

Han held her tightly in his arms for a long moment then turned to leave, holding her hand in his. When they were at arm's length, he gave her fingers one last, gentle squeeze. He palmed open the door, eyes never straying from hers. He wondered if he looked as sad as she did. Then their fingertips held out to emptiness, he stepped through the arch of the doorway and his arm dropped to his side. The door slid shut, cutting off his view of Leia and Han felt as if he had left a piece of his heart behind.


	5. Chapter 5: What Nightmares May Come

Thank you to all my readers, and thank you for the great reviews! Sorry to say, the good times are at an end for a while...

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Leia stared ahead at the screen in the Command Center without really seeing it. Just about the only thing the constant, biting cold was good for was keeping her awake. She felt dead on her feet from barely sleeping the night before. And the heavy, depressing weight of loss threatened to drag her under. The desire to curl up into a warm ball and hide from the galaxy was stronger than it had been in a very long time. But, Leia did what she always did. She buried herself in her work.

She had heard Han request clearance to leave from the soldier manning the comm. His deep voice had blared through the Command Center and when he received clearance, his last words had boomed in her ears.

 _'_ _Thanks. Stay safe, we'll meet again.'_

If anyone thought his words odd, no one said anything. Leia had stood by the scopes and watched the small blip that was the Millennium Falcon slowly glide across the screen then fall off the edge. It made her think of bad omens.

It seemed as if the most unexpected things happened to her, things she could never predict. Last night had been one of those things. She wasn't sure she had entirely processed it yet.

Up until the age of nineteen, her life had played out exactly as planned. From an early age, she was groomed to take a seat in the Senate and at eighteen she fulfilled that destiny. What no one knew then, was that during the time she trained for the Senate, she also learned to become a spy. She spent her year in the Senate secretly working for the Rebel Alliance. It was always in the back of her mind that she could be caught. It was a risk she had accepted. When her ship came under attack and she was captured by Darth Vader, it had been unfortunate, but no real surprise.

What had surprised her was Tarkin's order to destroy Alderaan. That was the beginning of the unexpected. Such a thing would never have occurred to her in her most horrible nightmares. She had known the Empire was mired in evil…but Tarkin had exceeded even her expectations.

Leia had known that if she somehow survived her ordeal on the Death Star, she would have to go underground with the Alliance. That had always been the expectation if she were found out. But, never had she expected that she would have no home, no family left to ever return to.

She hadn't thought she would survive, had resigned herself to her termination. Did she really deserve to live, when she had been the catalyst to the deaths of so many?

Then the unexpected happened again. Three complete strangers rescued her from the detention center. Now, she had something to live for: she would see to the destruction of the abomination that had destroyed everything that mattered to her.

Standing by the scopes in the Command Observatory on Yavin, Leia again waited to die. Her hope dwindled to almost nothing as Luke skimmed the trench, Vader's TIE bearing down on him. Han, who was often the master of the unexpected, saved Luke from that fate, allowing Luke to make galactic history.

Last night marked the most recent of unforeseen events. Had Leia had an inkling that Han was going to show up at her quarters, giving her a romantic, thoughtful gift would be the last motive she would have attributed to him. With all the crude innuendoes he had flashed at her over the years, she wouldn't have put it above him to kiss her before he left…he had certainly teased her about it enough times. But the sincerity of his feelings had shocked her.

Leia's thoughts were interrupted by General Rieekan's voice.

"Princess…we have a visitor."

Leia moved to stand by Rieekan at a nearby console.

His expression was grim. "We've picked up something outside the base in zone twelve."

"It's metal," added the Senior Controller from his seat.

Leia's stomach clenched. "Then it couldn't be one of those creatures that attacked Luke."

"Wait," the Senior Controller said, cocking his head. "There's something very weak coming through."

A faint signal could be heard, incomprehensible and overlapped with static.

Threepio shuffled towards them. "Sir, I am fluent in six million forms of communication. This signal is not used by the Alliance. It could be an Imperial code."

Leia steeled herself for the worst, desperately hoping it was an anomaly of some sort. Anything but the Empire. They had worked far too hard to establish this base.

General Rieekan spoke to the Controller. "Send Rogues Ten and Eleven to station three-eight."

His eyes met Leia's and she saw her own fear and dread mirrored there.

###

Leia was only dimly aware of the distant thunder of laser blasts. The Command Center was a chaotic shambles. Just she and a few controllers remained amidst the spray of falling snow and ice that threatened to cave in above them at any moment.

She jumped from console to console, barking orders. Steam poured from a broken pipe nearby and Leia welcomed the burst of warmth.

"Send all troops in sector twelve to protect the fighters," she commanded.

A startling boom sounded and the Command Center rocked, pitching Leia forward. She grabbed the back of a chair to keep from falling into the controller's lap.

"Mistress Leia!" Threepio called nervously. "We must get to the transport!"

Leia ignored him, her stomach sinking as a sudden announcement was heard over the base-wide comm.

"Imperial troops have entered the base. Imperial troops have entered—"

She heard only static.

"We're doomed," Threepio said dismally.

Her head lowered and her eyes closed in defeat. At least Han had made it away before all of this started. She took comfort in that.

The Senior Controller looked up at her, the fear clear in his blue eyes. "Princess?"

Leia nodded. "Evacuate all ground staff. And get to your transports."

She strode across the room and opened a storage compartment in the wall that looked simply like part of the ice. From inside she retrieved a large blast rifle.

"Let's go," she called to Threepio.

"Oh, thank the Maker!" Threepio cried, hurrying after her, servos whirring.

Leia ran through the frozen corridors, a mix of ice and snow hailing down randomly. She should have just enough time to reach the transport. And she should be far enough ahead of the Imperial troops. The ground shook beneath her feet and a rumble echoed ahead. Leia increased her speed and wished, not for the first time, that her legs were longer.

"Wait for me! Wait!" Threepio called from behind her, his mechanical voice sounding alarmed.

The rumbling grew steadily louder and the ground shook more violently. Leia had a sinking feeling as the rumble became a roar and when she turned a corner she skidded to a halt. Five feet in front of her the ceiling tumbled down into a frozen tomb that seemed to seal her fate. A shiver ran up her spine.

"Oh no," Threepio said from over her shoulder in his most distraught tone.

Leia held up the blast rifle and set her jaw. This might just be the end. She could attempt to make it to the shield doors in the hangar, but even if she made it, could her transport hold out until then?

She had to try. And if she didn't come out of this alive, she would take as many Imperials with her as she could. Thinking strategically, she turned and headed back the way she had come.

"Oh, wait!" she heard from behind her. "Where are you going? Come back!"

###

She hadn't been killed nor asked a single question. Leia sat on the hard slab in her cell on the Star Destroyer, feeling cold, yet warmer than on Hoth. She knew that the Imperials kept the cells cold as part of the operation of breaking prisoners down. In Leia's case, the temperature was a relief. The thought brought with it a rebellious spark of pleasure.

Exchanging fire with Stormtroopers inside the Rebel hangar, Leia had been ready to die fighting. She had felt no fear, just the burning desire to obliterate as much white armor into metal fragments as she could. It seemed an eternity passed as her laser fire blasted endless troopers from behind her cover of an abandoned Rebel cargo transporter.

Then, amidst the gleaming white armor and the icy, gray landscape, a dark shadow had eclipsed her vision. It was the oddest sensation, but somehow, Leia had known that Darth Vader was there almost before she saw him. An ominous feeling of foreboding had passed through her right before he strode into the hangar. And as soon as she became aware of him, an electric shock of sharp pain shot through her and everything went dark.

Waking up in the detention cell, Leia realized the troopers had been instructed to set their weapons to stun and take her alive. The situation was a bit too familiar for Leia. Only this time, she doubted anyone would come to her rescue.

Darth Vader would torture and interrogate her again. Dread trekked down her spine. She knew she could withstand the mind probes, she had done it before. But resisting would take its toll on her mentally and physically. She still bore the light tattoo of scars from the needles used against her on the Death Star.

Han. She had pushed thoughts of him from her mind, trying only to be relieved that he had escaped when he could. Now, her mind dwelt on chances lost to fate, words that would never be spoken, the vow that would never be kept. She closed her eyes and tried to lose herself to memories of their one night together.

She had, for the first time in three years, wanted something for herself. Since the slaughter of everything and everyone that mattered, she had lived only for the Rebellion, had given no thought to personal matters. Han was her first personal want. For years she had wanted only for the Rebellion. Everything she did was in pursuit of justice for the galaxy.

But she wanted Han for herself. It was a completely selfish desire, her first in years. The only regret she had about their one night together was that she hadn't slept with him. Now, she never would.

She wasn't afraid to die. So many times, Leia had cheated death. Deep down, she had expected to die long before now. She was living on borrowed time. After Alderaan, she threw herself recklessly forward. She would gladly die to avenge Alderaan. But, despite her foolhardiness, she was still here. And every time she escaped intact, she felt a little more guilty that she was still alive when so many had perished with Alderaan.

Now, her time was approaching. Once Vader realized she would give them no information, she would be terminated. It almost amused Leia that Vader might expect this time to be different from the last.

In a way, it was a relief that soon she would just stop struggling; to get through each day, to battle the Empire, to stop feeling so much loss. Part of her was disappointed that she could do no more for the Rebellion. But, she knew she had done all she could during her time.

Her thoughts drifted to Han again. She fervently hoped he would survive facing Jabba. She realized he might never know what had happened to her and a pang of remorse hit her hard in the chest. She should have said more before he left. She wanted to thank him for all the times he had rescued her, now that she knew it had been borne of feelings rather than obligation; she wanted to tell him that she had cared about him all along, even when he enraged and exasperated her; that it meant so much to her that he had forced his way into her world.

And Luke. At least Luke had friends in Rogue Squadron and he wouldn't be alone now that Han, Chewie and she were gone. He was not the loner that Han was; or that Leia had become.

All Leia could do now was wait. She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes, hoping to drift off and forget for just a little while.

###

In spite of the fact that she was prepared, a cold sliver of fear speared through Leia when the cell door slid open and Darth Vader strode inside, flanked by two Stormtroopers. She stood in her most regal stance and raised her chin defiantly, steeling herself against whatever was to come. His mechanical breathing was loud and disturbing in the silence.

"Darth Vader," she declared in a strong, steady voice, deliberately reverting to her Alderaanian accent. "I suppose you wish a repeat of the last time we met."

The harsh intake of breath through the filter of his helmet sounded before his deep voice boomed. "I have some new surprises in store for you, Your Highness." He released the breath noisily and sucked in more filtered air before he continued. "But first, we will journey to Coruscant."

"Coruscant?" Leia echoed in surprise.

It almost sounded as if there were a smile behind the dark mask. "The Emperor awaits you."

 _Palpatine._ Leia had dealt with him enough times in the past, through her father, and then on the Senate floor. It was a lesser threat than Vader.

She smiled serenely. "You should recall that you will extract no information from me."

He seemed to grow taller before her. "Don't worry, Your Highness," he said slowly, between breaths. "We did not detain you in order to obtain Rebel secrets."

Leia tried to keep the confusion from showing in her expression. If not for information about the Alliance, what might they want from her? She refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her curiosity. She maintained her haughty visage.

Vader stepped closer until he towered over her and Leia had to crane her neck in order to stare into the glassy mask that only revealed the reflection of her own eyes staring back.

His voice seemed to reverberate throughout the cell. "You have become quite useful to the Emperor, Your Highness." He lingered ominously for a moment in the wake of that statement then spun and, with a swing of his dark cape, stalked through the door. The Troopers followed him out.

The door slid closed behind them. Vader's cryptic declaration stayed with her.


	6. Chapter 6: His Fate

So happy you guys are reading along and enjoying this story :) Let's see what happens to Han...on to Tatooine!

###

"For the last time, you're not going!"

Chewbacca roared defiantly.

In the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon, as they approached Tatooine, Han and Chewie slid into the second hour of their argument.

Han turned to him, exasperated. "You'll wait in Mos Eisley, like I said."

The Wookiee growled at length…loudly.

"I don't care," Han countered. "I'd rather risk going to Jabba by myself. If he kills us both, there'd be no one to tell Leia what happened to me." He paused, brow furrowing.

Chewie's argument continued but was losing its strength.

Han grimaced. "I can't have her just waiting for me to come back. It'd be worse never knowing than finding out I was dead." He hated talking about this. Normally, he gave no thought to the future and what might happen. He just flew into whatever situation he found himself. It was easier not to think about possible consequences. If he actually thought before he acted, he might not do half of the things he had done.

But, Leia had changed the game on him. Now, he had to think of someone other than himself.

Chewie barked roughly.

Han's lower lip jutted out. "Don't worry. I'll be fine," he said, more to reassure himself than his friend. He checked the readouts in front of him. "Chewie, disengage the hyperdrive."

Chewie pressed some buttons then pulled the hyperdrive throttle down. The starlines streaking by slowed then popped into the twinkle of individual stars.

Dead ahead, the barren, tan and white sphere of Tatooine hung like the cocoon of a dragon moth. Dread settled in the pit of Han's stomach. He always knew he had to return to this dust ball of a planet. Now that the time had arrived, he was uneasy to say the least.

Chewie grumbled again.

"I know, pal. I don't much like it either." He reached forward and set course to enter Tatooine's atmosphere then turned back to Chewie. "I need to ask you to do something for me."

Chewbacca growled reluctant reassurance.

"Besides waiting in Mos Eisley."

He barked a short question.

Han hesitated, finding it difficult to broach the subject. He glanced out the viewport. "Listen, if, uh…anything happens to me—"

The Wookiee interrupted with a harsh snarl.

"I'm sure I'll be fine, I told ya'," Han reassured brusquely. "But, just in case." He averted his eyes again. "Will ya promise me you'll take care of the Princess?" When he looked back at his friend, Chewie was gazing at him with gentle eyes.

He growled a soft question.

"Hey, I didn't say I love 'er," Han answered gruffly.

He chuckled but said nothing.

Han glowered. "I just…I don't want anything to happen to her. And if I'm not around to watch over her…well, I know you will."

Chewie pushed him gently by the shoulder and growled at length.

"Of course. I'm just sayin', just in case. It's good to have a backup plan." He turned back to the viewport.

He had a deal ready for Jabba. He would give the crime lord back the credits, with interest, apologize for taking so long, and offer to work for him for free for the next standard month. Han was still the best in the business, so getting his services for free was a good deal.

Han just hoped Jabba would go for it. He didn't have anything to lose. But, it all depended on just how angry Jabba remained. Han was damn good at smooth talk and if he could just finesse Jabba, he might make it out of there.

He didn't like the idea of walking into Jabba's Palace alone. But he liked the idea of Leia being left wondering about him even less. And if he didn't make it…he knew Chewie would honor his request and take care of her as he had always taken care of Han. The Life Debt would transfer from Han to one he cared about.

His co-pilot had asked if he loved the Princess. The thought made him uneasy. Having never known love, how could he be sure? He had cared about a few women. But never loved.

Then again, he was aware that she inspired feelings in him that he had never felt before. He wanted to be with her. Never before had he felt such a desire to return to a woman…or anyone for that matter. It was the strangest feeling.

He had to come out of this alive. He had to return to Leia. He wanted that more than he had ever wanted anything.

Surely, he could work things out with Jabba. If he didn't go for his offer, Han would increase it from one month to two. It really was a great deal. How could Jabba say no?

Han had a good feeling about this.

###

With his arms resting on his propped up knees, Han sat on the floor of the dark, dank cell in the dungeon of Jabba's Palace. Well, that hadn't gone well.

Enraged at the sight of him, Jabba had instantly ordered Han be taken away. A slobbering Gamorrean Guard and dragged him, still shouting offers, out of the Main Audience Chamber.

He tried to tune out the cacophony of noise, some human, some inhuman, from the cells surrounding his. What would Jabba do now? Would he feed Han to the Rancor? Would he find some other, unique way for Han to die?

He had to come up with an angle to work Jabba when they brought him back up to face him again. He knew he would be brought before the bloated slug again. If there was one thing the Hutt enjoyed, it was torturing his victims and drawing out their suffering.

Han refused to believe that after all he had been through, he would die in such an insipid manner. He always assumed he would go out with a bang.

A squealing growl sounded at the door to his cell and Han looked up to see one of the ugly Gamorreans opening a small hatch in the bars to shove a tray of food inside. Without a glance in Han's direction, he moved on to the next cell.

Han stood and ambled over to the tray. He bent over to examine the contents and his stomach turned. There was a bowl full of a mushy, brown substance that he could not identify, as well as a small cup of grayish water. _So much for dinner._

He returned to his spot on the floor and dropped to sit with his back against the cold wall. He thought of Leia, back on Hoth, and wondered if she was thinking of him too. He hadn't thought he could possibly miss that ice ball planet, but it seemed like heaven at the moment.

He missed Leia, too. Had he ever missed anyone before? He couldn't remember having ever felt this way. It felt as if there were an empty hole in his chest every time he thought of her. The feeling was surprisingly strong. The desire to see her, to take her in his arms again, brought a powerful longing. He closed his eyes and his mind went back to their one night together. There were very few events in his past that he wished to revisit. His night with Leia topped that short list.

He had to get out of there. At the very least, to fulfill his promise to Leia.


	7. Chapter 7: Questions with No Answers

Update time! Thank you again for reading and all the great reviews :) The dark side is near...

###

Spine straight, posture rigid, Leia was led through a corridor of the Imperial Palace by Darth Vader. A small squad of Stormtroopers trailed behind her, blast rifles aimed at her back. Her hands were bound in front of her but she held her head high. She was angry and impatient more than scared. She was not looking forward to what awaited her but she felt prepared to endure it.

At the end of the long corridor stood a door flanked by two red-robed Royal Guards. Vader motioned with a hand and the guards hurried to open the double doors. They slid open, giving way to a far-reaching red carpet runner. Leia could not see past Vader's towering form to what lie beyond. As they followed the long, red path, Leia finally saw an expansive, sectioned viewport that afforded a view of the Palace District. As they drew nearer, she became aware of a wide, black desk that was dwarfed by the view. Above the desk, the Emperor's grotesque, furrowed visage awaited her. A sickening smile creased his puckered features.

Leia steeled herself upon approach. When they were within six feet of the desk, Vader kneeled and bowed his head. Leia suddenly noticed that the Stormtroopers had remained behind, on either side of the door.

"Rise, Lord Vader." His shriveled voice echoed in the large chamber.

Vader stood to his full height. "My Master, I present to you the Princess captured at Hoth," he wheezed through his breathing apparatus. He stepped aside, leaving Leia to face the Emperor.

She raised her chin and smiled serenely.

The Emperor grinned, his decaying teeth like rotten barki nuts. "Princess Leia of Alderaan," he declared. He cocked his head. "Or shall I say, formerly of Alderaan?"

A spurt of anger blossomed in her chest and she pushed it down, unwilling to be baited. "Emperor Palpatine," she said calmly. "I'm certain you think capturing me was quite a coup." She smiled, eyes hard. "But, you'll get no information from me. Perhaps Vader remembers his failure the last time."

The Emperor's responding grin was confident. "Princess, you misunderstand my intentions," he said in a slow cackle. "I have no need for your Rebel secrets. I have a more vital use for you."

Leia did not allow her confusion to seep into her expression. Of what use could she be other than information about the Alliance? She maintained her outward serenity.

Palpatine stared at her for a full minute and Leia did not alter her posture or expression. Finally, he addressed Vader.

"Lord Vader. Have the Princess taken to her new home."

Vader nodded slowly. "As you wish, My Master."

Leia shot the Emperor a haughty glance before she allowed Vader to lead her away. Her confidence wavered. What horrors did they have in store for her this time?

###

On the hard, stone slab of the bunk in her cell, Leia lie sweaty and shaking. The electric shocks administered by the torture droid had jolted her with stabs of electricity that made every hair on her body stand on end. The scorch marks burned wickedly and her extremities twitched in jerky, random movements.

She tried to analyze the situation and distract herself from the pain. As the Emperor claimed, they asked no information of her. It made no sense. Why torture her, if not for information? What had they to gain by her suffering?

Was it purely sadistic? Was it revenge for her part in the destruction of the Death Star? It made no sense; why wouldn't Palpatine want information about the Alliance if he could get it? Leia was baffled.

A spasm wrenched her left arm again and the pain of the burns burst anew. She wasn't sure if the torture on the Death Star had been easier, or if the memory had faded enough to make this seem more extreme. During the shocks, she had lost count of how many times she passed out.

Leia's legs began to tingle and she fervently hoped there was no permanent damage. Would she ever get out of here? Perhaps not, and then permanent damage would not be an issue.

She thought of Han and his concern that Leia might never know his fate if he did not survive. What irony that he was the one who might never find out what happened to her. She hoped he would fare better than she had.

She was thankful for their one night together. It had been one pleasure amidst all the death and destruction; one last comfort before the end. It had felt so surreal, as if they existed in an impenetrable bubble for a short while. Had she only known sooner how things could be with Han Solo…perhaps they would not have uselessly squandered three years.

If there was an afterlife-and Leia was doubtful that there was—she hoped she would meet her lost loved ones there. And perhaps, one day, Han too. But, for now, she wished him a long, beautiful life.

Thoughts of Han were comforting. She closed her eyes and recalled the hazy, bliss of being in his arms; the way she had felt so safe, as if they had no troubles and nothing bad could touch them while they were together. She'd had no idea such a feeling was possible.

She should have realized there would be no more for them. So little had gone well for her since the destruction of Alderaan.

With a small smile, Leia wondered what her father might have thought about Han. She imagined her father would have admired his bravery and determination, and certainly his skill as a pilot. Would he have approved of Han for his only daughter? Leia felt certain that, in the face of Han's dedication to protecting her, Bail Organa would have welcomed the rough-around-the-edges Corellian.

Leia could just imagine her mother whispering discretely about how handsome Han was. While other children of royalty were betrothed to someone chosen as a good match for their wealth and prestige, Leia's parents held no such expectations over her. They had made it clear that if she were ever to marry, it would be by her choice alone.

Tears sprang to her eyes and Leia took a shaky breath. All the things that would never be…

Why had she even started thinking about marriage in relation to Han? The thought was absurd. He certainly was not the marrying kind. And with her work for the Rebellion, Leia had never seen marriage in her future. When would she ever have time? What would even be the point, when her days and nights were filled with strategizing and warfare?

But, it had felt so good to have some pocket of happiness, for just a little while. And it kept her mind occupied in this cell; it gave her something to think about and brought a smile to her lips.

She leaned her head against the hard wall, closed her eyes and surrendered to the memories.


	8. Chapter 8: Worse Things Than Death

New evils await poor Leia...thank you again for reading!

###

Completely encased inside the coffin-shaped apparatus, Leia braced herself for whatever torture was to come. After being subjected to the electric shocks and the nerve stimulators that stimulated her brain with feelings of sheer terror, she didn't know what to expect next.

When the box had closed, Leia had been left in darkness. Now, she simply waited with a mixture of dread and impatience.

Through a speaker by her head, she suddenly heard the modulated breathing of Darth Vader.

"Princess, if you make even the smallest of movements, you will experience more pain than you could ever imagined."

She turned her head slightly in the direction of the voice and blinding pain exploded in her neck and brain. She opened her mouth to scream but the agony of that movement stole her breath.

Vader's voice came again, and Leia's mind struggled to decipher his words. "It is in your best interest to remain still."

She gritted her teeth and stilled her body, but she was breathing harshly and the movements of her chest rising brought fresh waves of pain in her lungs. With tremendous effort, Leia managed to slow her breathing. She lay still for what seemed like an eternity, until she was sweating with the effort not to move. Almost imperceptibly, her hand twitched, flaring pain up her arm. Her breath came faster again, sending the pain to her lungs.

If only she would lose consciousness…

###

Leia had lost count of how many days she had been on Coruscant. After having been rendered unconscious for long periods of time, it was impossible to know how many days had passed.

For some unfathomable reason, they had allowed her to rest for what seemed like three days. She had endured no torture during these days. Perhaps they had run out of horrors to inflict upon her.

She followed Darth Vader through the corridor, but this time her hands were unbound and there were no accompanying Stormtroopers. She was weak, bruised, and malnourished; in no condition to fight.

Every step caused her body to ache in protest but outwardly Leia showed no discomfort. The gray prisoner's jumpsuit she wore chafed the many abrasions scattered across her skin.

Arriving at the Emperor's throne room, they were again greeted by the Royal Guards, who held the doors open to grant them entrance.

The walk down the red carpeted path seemed ever longer this time. Leia was more fatigued than she had ever been in her life.

The Emperor's throne was turned away, facing the viewport. There was a large, black chair in front of his desk. Leia didn't recall it being there before. When Leia and the Dark Lord arrived next to the chair, Vader bowed before his master.

There was silence for a long moment before Palpatine spoke. "Rise, Lord Vader."

Vader stood and the throne spun to face them. The Emperor appraised Leia with an open-mouthed grin, his lips looking as if they might cave in upon themselves.

"Your Highness. I hope you are enjoying our hospitality." His grin widened.

Leia remained silent and arched an eyebrow. She would give this cretin no satisfaction.

"Sit, please." He gestured to the chair next to Leia. Resistively, she remained standing. Palpatine smiled serenely and turned to Vader. "Lord Vader. The Princess has been through far too much to be expected to stand." The cheerfulness dropped from his voice. "Assist her, Lord Vader," he snarled.

"As you wish." Vader inclined his head and with the wave of a hand, Leia was knocked off her feet.

With a started intake of breath, she landed in the chair. She had heard many a tale about use of the Force. But, never before had she witnessed it.

The Emperor stood, thin, distorted lips pressed together. He stared hard at Leia, unmoving, not even blinking. A tremor of fear slithered through her. He waved a finger and Leia's left arm slammed into the armrest of the chair. A binder closed over her wrist, locking her in place. He repeated the gesture and her right arm was also bound.

"You must miss Alderaan," the Emperor hissed with false empathy.

Leia smirked. If he expected such mind play to affect her, he was mistaken.

"Would you like to see your home planet again, Your Highness?"

She did not let her puzzlement show.

Palpatine pressed a button on his desk and a small holoprojector rose from the middle. With a flick of the wrist, he brought up a large holo directly in front of Leia.

 _Alderaan._ Her heart compressed and she was dimly aware that she had let the sorrow seep into her expression. The beautiful orb that had been her home planet hung before her, a swirl of white, blue, and green. She struggled against tears, overwrought from the abuse and lack of restful sleep.

As Leia stared at the holo, trying to gain control of her emotions, a sudden beam of green light lashed out at her beautiful Alderaan and the planet exploded into a white, hot light that shattered it from its core. A deafening roar simmered into the rumble of asteroids that careened in every direction. Leia's mouth fell open in mind numbing horror as she realized what this was…an actual holorecording of the destruction of Alderaan. As the particles that had once been her home began to tumble and drift in different directions, Palpatine's voice seemed to reverberate in her head.

"Perhaps, Your Highness, you would like to watch that again."

His cackling laughter echoed and bounced.


	9. Chapter 9: Freedom and Quests

Thank you for reading and the reviews, and thank you to the guest reviewers! Let's see if Han survived Jabba...

###

Han entered the sequence of numbers to open the boarding ramp of the Falcon. Before it had entirely touched the ground, he bounded up the ramp and into the furry, waiting arms of Chewbacca.

Chewie howled with joy and lifted Han off the floor.

Han spat out a mouth full of fur. "I'm all right, pal. Okay, okay, put me down, you're crushing me."

Chewie lowered his Captain to the deck and growled extensively.

Han shot the Wookiee his most confident smirk. "I told ya' I'd be okay."

He responded with a questioning bark.

"Well, yeah. He threw me in a cell for three weeks. But, in the end, he went for my deal."

Chewie informed him of how many times he almost went in after him.

"Well, I'm glad you listened to what I told you." He paused and pressed his lips together grimly. "Any word on, uh, anything?"

Chewie hesitated then filled Han in on the news.

"Damn," Han swore softly. "But, nothing about Leia?"

He barked a negative.

Han gave a small sigh of relief. If she had been captured or killed, it would have made intergalactic news, even as far out on the rim as Tatooine. "Well," he muttered. "It's a good thing Jabba let me go when he did. We can work for him for the next month and we'll have just enough time to meet Leia on Kashyyyk."

Han barely heard Chewie's grunt of agreement. Every time he thought about meeting Leia on Chewbacca's home world, Han got a sinking feeling in his stomach. Why did he have a bad feeling that she wouldn't show up?

When he thought about their one night together on Hoth, he remembered the adoring way Leia had looked at him, the passion in her kisses, and her sweet words. He immersed himself in those feelings and his confidence soared.

Then his cynical side kicked in. Maybe she had realized that a disreputable smuggler was not her best choice of men. Or perhaps she had decided he was not worth sacrificing precious time from the Rebellion. It was possible that their night together had simply been a moment of weakness and in the light of day, Leia had reconsidered.

Chewie whuffled softly, seeming to read Han's mind.

Han mustered a cocky façade. "I know she'll be there," he shot back with false arrogance.

Chewie gestured defensively.

Han grimaced. "Listen, we have to make a run for Jabba to Chloryll. Let's get this bucket ready to fly."

Chewbacca roared in acknowledgement and both Captain and Copilot set about the business of readying the Falcon.

Everything seemed to be working out for Han. He would just have to believe that Leia would be on Kahyyyk to meet him.

###

Yoda stood beside the shimmering ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi, watching through the mist as Luke's X-Wing fighter rose and disappeared out of sight. His thoughts and feelings were as dismal and murky as the surrounding terrain.

"Told you, I did. Reckless is he. Now, matters are worse." Yoda bowed his head.

"That boy is our last hope," Ben replied sorrowfully.

Yoda turned his eyes to the heavens. "No. There is another."

"Unless they both die at the hands of the Emperor," Ben replied gravely. "I worry that Darth Vader will reveal the truth to Luke. Perhaps we should have told him."

Yoda shook his head slowly. "Not ready is he."

"All the more reason we might have told him. At the very least, about Vader."

"Revealed too much it would have."

"Do you think the Princess will come?"

Yoda sighed tiredly. He had been watching and waiting far too long. "If able to deliver the message he is. And if the only survivor is she." He paused and closed his eyes. "Foreseen it I have."

The future streamed and twisted in an ever-changing wisp and Yoda slowly hobbled away, leaving the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi to dissolve. Soon, Yoda was as alone as he had been for the past twenty-three years.


	10. Chapter 10: Oh, Thank the Force!

The Force always guides our heroes...

###

Han leaned his hands against the rail of Chewbacca's home, gazing out at the sunset over the tall wroshyr trees. The rays of orange and gold cast a soft glow through the umbrella of leaves. The beauty was not lost on Han, in spite of his glum mood.

From somewhere behind him, Han could hear Chewie roughhousing with Lumpy. The little Wookiee growls were soft and high pitched compared to those of his father.

They had been lucky so far that the planet's Imperial garrison had not detected them. Chewbacca relished the time with his family and Han was happy to give him this opportunity. But after five days on Kashyyyk, they were pushing their luck. And Leia was now four days overdue.

It was entirely possible that Alliance business had detained her. So many things could have kept her from their rendezvous. But somehow, Han didn't think that was it.

She had simply changed her mind. One impulsive interlude did not mean Leia had real feelings for him. Attraction, of course. Infatuation, maybe. But, anything beyond that had been a figment of circumstance and timing. And it had been foolish for Han to think it had meant more than just that. A Princess and a guy like him? He should have followed his initial instinct.

He had admitted so much in that one night. Far more than he had planned. He had let his guard down, something he never did. The intense vulnerability had been overwhelming, almost too much for a man who prided himself on letting very little touch him. It was a stiff reminder of why he didn't allow others to get too close. With that closeness, you left yourself open to hurt. Han had always promised himself to never leave himself so open. But, he had done just that. And what had come of it? Exactly what he always warned himself against.

He sighed, remembering how it had felt to hold and kiss her after three years of longing. His eyes closed as the emotion swept through him. Dammit, that one night had been worth it. He wanted to wish it had never happened; that he had turned back at her door and not taken the chance. If he had, there would not be this feeling of loss and disappointment. He had missed her these past months. And he missed her now, even more profoundly in the face of never seeing her again.

But, when he thought of that night, when he remembered the pure happiness he had felt with her…he couldn't wish it away. And did it matter? There was no way to change the past.

It had taken over thirty years of Han's life to find someone who inspired such feelings in him. He hadn't been looking but she had fallen into his life anyway, much as he had stumbled into hers. He doubted he would find someone like Leia again. And he didn't really want to. He would return to his former life as a loner, with only his ship and copilot as companions. It would seem a bit emptier, a bit lonelier for having known something that felt akin to love.

Lumbering footsteps approached from behind and Han glanced over his shoulder to see Chewie's wife, Malla. She bellowed a question.

"Yeah," Han replied in a gloomy tone. "Just thinkin'."

She came closer, placed a hand on Han's shoulder and grumbled softly.

Han frowned. "She's not really 'my mate.'"

The Wookiee's question stumped him.

His brow furrowed. "I dunno. She's just…" He searched for the right words. "Someone I like," he finished lamely. He stared ahead without seeing.

Malla spoke and gave Han a lingering hug.

One side of Han's mouth turned up in a smile. "Thanks. But, I don't think it's meant to be."

She told him that any woman would be lucky to have a handsome, brave human male such as himself. Han couldn't help but smile in response as she walked away and left him with his thoughts.

He was quite certain that Leia wouldn't argue with the handsome or brave attributes. But clearly, that wasn't enough.

He thought about the things she confessed on Hoth. She had admitted that she cared about him, was going to miss him, and wanted him to come back. He could almost hear her voice professing her feelings in that shy, serious voice. At the time, he could tell that she was sincere. Had she been caught up in the moment?

A vibration from his comlink startled Han and sent a hopeful surge through him. He whipped it from his pocket. "This is Solo," he said firmly.

An unexpected, tinny voice came through. "Han! It's Luke."

"Luke?" What was the kid doing here? Unless… "Is Leia with you?"

"No. But that's why I'm here."

A cold trepidation jittered up Han's spine. "Is she okay?"

"We'll talk when I reach planetside. I'm about to land."

Han definitely did not like that sound of this. "Be careful. There're Stormtroopers everywhere."

"I copy. See you soon."

Han replaced the comm in his pocket and rushed to find Chewie.

###

Han paced the length of the main living pod in the wroshyr tree, his nerves jangling. When he glanced at the chrono, he realized only two minutes had passed since the last time he had checked it. Chewie waited impatiently by the entrance and Malla and Lumpy had disappeared and left Han and Chewie to confer with Luke.

Chewie's superior hearing picked up Luke's approach before Han did. He growled softly and pulled back the door just as Luke bounded up the steps. The Wookiee grabbed him in a one-armed hug.

"Chewie," Luke acknowledged, returning the embrace. He turned to Han.

"Where's Leia?" Han asked before Luke could say a word.

Luke's expression was grave. "The Emperor has her on Coruscant."

Luke's words filled Han with a sense of terror and revulsion he had never felt before. The blood drained from his face. "Is she…?" he croaked.

"As far as I know, she's alive."

The two men barely heard Chewie's soft exclamation of relief.

"She was captured on Hoth?" Han asked.

"Yes."

It was all Han's fault. He should never have left. "How do you know she's there? There's been no mention of it." He had been scouring the holonet for any news of her.

Luke's gaze was confident. "I just know. Like I knew you were here."

Han was too preoccupied to ask how Luke had found him. "Do you have a plan?"

"Sort of," he replied.

Han grimaced. Well, they had managed a lot with less than a solid plan in the past. They would have to solidify things on the way to Coruscant. He turned to Chewbacca. "All right. Let's get to the Falcon and get 'er ready for lift off."

Chewie roared in agreement and rushed to say good bye to his family. He never hesitated when someone he cared about needed him.

"I'll go with you on the Falcon," Luke told him.

Han nodded. X-wings were known throughout the galaxy as Rebel fighters. The Falcon had a slew of aliases and faked ID codes.

Han left to retrieve the small travel pack he had brought with him. He felt like a fool. He had been sitting here, feeling sorry for himself while Leia was in the clutches of the most evil being in the galaxy. She had gone through hell the last time Vader captured her. The Emperor was said to be even crueler.

He grabbed his pack and rushed back to Luke. He couldn't possibly get to Coruscant fast enough.


	11. Chapter 11: Broken (Updated warning)

I would like to preface this chapter by apologizing for the content if it is upsetting to any readers. It is necessary to the plot. I tried my best to write it in a way that made it clear what was going on without being graphic. If you are very sensitive to content, you might not want to read this.

***Trigger alert: The following scene contains scenes of sexual assualt/rape***

###

Catch your breath

Hit the wall...

Simon by Lifehouse

Every part of Leia's body hurt. It was painful to simply lie on the hard bunk in her cell. She had bruises, wounds and burn marks everywhere.

Why? Why were they doing this? She had not the slightest inkling of their intentions. The physical torture was excruciating, but it was nothing in comparison to experiencing her home destroyed over and over again. She had closed her eyes but could not close her ears to the endless loop of her home planet exploding into fragments of floating rock.

When would this end? When would they tire of tormenting her? Being ignorant to the purpose of it all was beginning to drive her mad.

Unexpectedly, the door to her cell slid open. Two Imperial Officers dressed in gray uniforms crossed the threshold.

 _What fresh hell is this?_ Leia thought with dread. She sat up on the bunk and various parts of her body screamed in protest.

The younger of the Officers was smiling maliciously; the older stared at her with hard, cold eyes.

"Hey, Princess," the younger one sneered. "Show me what's under that jumpsuit."

Cold fear slithered through Leia's stomach, gripping her in its tight embrace. She maintained an impassive expression.

"Stand up," the older Officer ordered.

Leia narrowed her eyes and remained seated.

The younger of the two stepped close to her and grabbed her arm roughly, jerking her to her feet. She forced herself not to wince at the pain. "He said stand up!"

She wrenched her arm from his grip. "Don't you touch me," she ordered harshly.

"She's feisty," said the older man.

"I like them feisty," replied the younger, leaning closer to her.

Leia could smell the sour stench of alcohol on his breath. This was not happening. Her eyes never wavered and her posture remained defiant.

The older Officer approached, grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. Leia attempted a quick, defensive move but she was too weak and they were too fast.

She was slammed face-first against the wall, her entire front pressed hard, igniting flames of agony across her skin. One of them held her in place, his grip startlingly strong. She struggled but in her weakened state she was no match for their double strength.

She felt a strong tug at her jumpsuit and heard a harsh tearing sound. Her back was suddenly exposed and cold. She heard cruel laughter and went somewhere else entirely in her head…

###

Sunlight dappled the canopy of leaves overhead, glittering various shades of green. The temperature was perfect, neither too hot nor too cold, as Leia reclined on the tickling grass, enjoying the beautiful day. She was never happier than at her family's country home in the mountains of Aldierra. She closed her eyes and listened to the lilting song of the birds against the backdrop of the soft trickle of water from the nearby stream. This was her peace.

She thought of her childhood, when she and her cousins would throw stones in the stream. She recalled one time when her oldest cousin, Lyric, pushed her in and she had trudged back to the palace, soaked from the waist down. She had been angry, calling him every bad name a seven year-old girl knew. But, as soon as her Uncle admonished Lyric, Leia had intervened and insisted she had tripped over his foot and fallen into the water. She knew her Uncle doled out harsh consequences and she couldn't stand to see Lyric punished.

At bedtime, her father had coerced the truth from her and gently teased her over her soft heart.

"Someday you will make the finest Senator," he declared.

Leia had beamed with pride. Her parents had always encouraged her compassionate nature, while trying to discourage her terrible temper. As she grew older and learned about the true nature of the Galactic Empire, Leia had often been outraged, ranting in fury for long periods that seemed to worry her parents.

After one such episode, her father had taken her by the shoulders and spoken to her in that calm, soft voice. "There is no point in getting angry. Anger changes nothing. What we must do is work to change things. That is what makes a difference."

And that was the moment he began to introduce her to the Rebellion, which was miniscule at the time. But it was slowly growing. And it instantly sparked Leia's desire for justice.

A series of loud thuds intruded on Leia's reverie. Was that thunder? Was it going to rain?

She realized suddenly that she had grown cold and the sky had darkened. A wheezing sound tore her back to the present; she resisted. To become aware would mean more pain than she could take.

Slowly, grudgingly, Aldierra faded around her and the dim cell returned to her consciousness. She hurt _everywhere._

Slow, hissing breath surrounded her and a deep voice boomed.

"Perhaps next time you shall follow your orders," Darth Vader said ominously.

Leia glanced around, trying to ignore the fact that her clothes were in tatters. She was in searing pain and her legs were covered in blood. Lying on either side of the cell, the two Officers were either unconscious or dead. It was difficult to tell which.

Her eyes finally fell on the dark tower of armor in the doorway. He ignored Leia and addressed the trio of Stormtroopers behind him.

"Take her to the prisoner shower and guard the door while she cleans up. And send someone to take care of this mess." He gestured to the fallen officers.

He spun and stalked away, cape flying in his wake.

###

The water was like ice on her skin, adding a sting to the bruises. Leia had washed away the blood and now sat on the freezing shower floor. She didn't want to stand up. It hurt too much to walk.

Beyond the physical pain, Leia felt nothing. The apathy made it easier to ignore everything. She closed her eyes and almost enjoyed the way the freezing water numbed her. Now, she was insensate on the outside as well as the inside.

There was nothing the Empire could do to touch her now. She was more than ready to die. She would welcome it.


	12. Chapter 12: Sacrifice

Diz: The implication was that the officers had not followed their orders and had instead assaulted Leia.

I know the last chapter was difficult to read.

Thank you to everyone reading and/or reviewing! Have a great day!

###

Han couldn't stand still. He paced the crew lounge tirelessly. Lightspeed had never seemed so slow. He turned to make another pass through the lounge and almost walked into Luke.

"We need to talk," Luke said quietly.

"Okay…" Han felt uneasy.

The younger man took a deep breath. "I wasn't with the fleet when I got the image of Leia."

Han shrugged. "All right. Where were you?"

"I was on Dagobah."

Han had no idea what that was. "What's Dagobah?"

"It's a system."

"Never heard of it."

"I know. It's uninhabited."

Han wasn't following and couldn't imagine what this had to do with rescuing Leia. "So, if there's no one there, what were you doing?" He was starting to become exasperated.

"There is someone there. A Jedi Master."

Han shot him a dubious look. "A Jedi Master? Like that old man?"

"Yes, like Ben."

"So, what were you doing?"

"Training to be a Jedi Knight."

Han might have laughed had he been in a better mood. "Okay. So, you're a Jedi Knight now?"

Luke shook his head slowly. "No. I didn't complete my training. I left to rescue Leia."

Han's mouth screwed up in frustration. Where was this conversation going? ""What's your point?"

Luke sighed. "My point is, Vader and the Emperor are holding Leia as bait."

"Bait for what?"

"Me."

Now, Han did laugh. A slow, hearty chuckle he couldn't have held back had he tried.

Luke closed his eyes and Han wondered if he had hurt the kid's feelings. He opened his mouth to ask a question but his voice failed him as he felt himself lifted bodily off the floor by…nothing. His stomach dropped and he hung suspended in the air, gripped in a sudden panic. What the hell was happening to him?

He looked down at Luke and saw his eyes were still closed but he had the tiniest smile tugging at his lips.

Han was flabbergasted. "Are you…are you doing this?" he sputtered.

Luke opened his eyes and Han was gently lowered back to the deck. His heart pounded with shock. His mouth still hung open and Luke let out a chuckle of his own.

He placed a hand on the taller man's shoulder, still smiling. "The Force is real, Han."

Han was still dumbfounded. He stepped back and sat on the acceleration couch. He had always believed the Force was a myth, like the Gods of Corellia. He thought anyone who believed differently was just superstitious. But Luke had just levitated him into the air!

"It's a lot to take in," Luke said levelly.

Han only gaped at him. Luke sat across from him and his voice became urgent.

"Han, this is important. I might not make it out of the Imperial Palace."

Han snapped back to reality. "Of course you will, we all will."

"I have to face Vader and the Emperor. Alone."

"What are you talking about?" Had the kid gone crazy?

"We'll go in together. You get to Leia. I must face them."

"You're talking crazy."

"Whatever happens, take Leia and leave. Don't worry about me."

"We're not leaving without you," Han protested loudly.

"This is more important than just me. If I can't defeat them…it's up to Leia."

Now Han knew the kid had lost it. "Leia? What the hell are you talking about?"

Luke's eyes took on a faraway look. "Master Yoda told me…Leia has it too."

It took a moment for Han to understand what Luke was saying. "The Force?" he asked incredulously. "How?"

His eyes remained unfocused and Luke shook his head slowly. "I don't know how. Just that it's true." He snapped back to the moment and placed a hand across the table on Han's arm. "You have to take Leia to Dagobah. Don't worry about me. Just get her there."

Han shook off the hand from his arm and stood defiantly. "I'm not taking her to some strange place to see some Jedi guy."

Luke stood and faced him. "He's a Jedi Master. And he will train Leia as a Jedi."

Han's face twisted in a sneer. "What makes you think Leia'd even wanna do that?"

"Because if I fail, she's the only hope of defeating the Empire. And you know Leia will do anything to destroy it."

Luke was right but Han didn't like this, not one bit. It was crazy. How could this Jedi even know that Leia had the Force? How was Han supposed to just trust all this?

"Look," Luke added, "I know you don't think much about the Force. And I know I'm springing a lot on you. But the fate of the galaxy is at stake here. Leia has to do this. I need you to promise me that you'll deliver her to Master Yoda."

Han's stomach clenched. How could he make such a promise? It was insane, all of it. All Han cared about was rescuing Leia. The thought of her suffering was tearing him up inside.

Luke's expression shifted suddenly, his eyes widening in wonder. "You're in love with Leia." It was not a question, but a statement of fact.

Han looked away in discomfiture. He was barely able to admit his feelings to himself, much less Luke. He supposed his lack of denial spoke volumes. When he looked back to Luke, he was smiling slightly.

"I always thought there was something between you two." He grinned. "I just always thought you were both too stubborn to ever admit it."

Han dropped his gaze again, unable to think of a thing to say.

"Does she love you too?" Luke asked patiently.

Han looked up again, at a loss. He shrugged sheepishly. "I dunno." He thought back to Hoth. "I think so."

Luke's smile grew wider. "I think so, too."

It was a strange feeling for Han, having Luke pick up on feelings he hadn't even expressed to Leia. His face felt hot and his posture was stiff. He needed to change the topic. "Listen, even if I agree to take Leia to this place—"

"Dagobah."

Han sighed. "Dagobah. Even if I agree to take her, what if she doesn't want to go?"

Luke nodded confidently. "She'll go. Just tell her everything I said. And tell her to never doubt herself."

Han remained unconvinced. "I need to think about this."

Luke nodded. "Okay. That's fair."

Han shook his head slowly and ambled to the cockpit. He hoped there were no more surprises in store for him.


	13. Chapter 13: All Too Easy

Thanks for all the love!

The first of the moments everyone has been waiting for...

###

Leia had lost track of time yet again. It had been perhaps four days since the last time she had endured torture. Now, she saw no one. A tray was simply slipped through a retractable door twice a day with a minimal amount of food and water. Waiting was almost as unbearable as torture.

Perhaps her termination had been scheduled. The thought brought with it a sense of relief. Being left with nothing but her thoughts was a torment in itself.

A flash of gray uniform and a vise-like grip threatened her mind and Leia centered herself and pushed the abhorrent memory aside. As if in response, the soreness inside her throbbed with a dull itch. Leia closed her eyes and her mind buzzed in distraction. _Don't think,_ she told herself. She focused on breathing…in…out…in…out. The slow breaths were calming and soon, Leia's placidity had returned.

The Rebellion would continue without her. She wished she could make one last mark before her existence winked out from the galaxy. Perhaps during her transfer to the termination chamber she could somehow manage to take out a few Imperials. She would remain vigilant for any opportunity.

She was ready to die. But, she would not go down without a fight. If she had to die, she would take some of them with her.

Leia was startled by a distant explosion and a rumbling in its wake. It sounded as if they were under attack. Her brow lowered in concentration as she struggled to decipher what was happening. She heard blaster fire outside her cell. She stood and went to the door, forgetting entirely about the aches and pains throughout her body.

The blasts began to die down and soon she heard nothing. She moved closer to the door when suddenly it slid open. Leia braced herself for what was to come.

She blinked several times in disbelief before registering that Han Solo stood before her. He swept her up in one arm and lifted her from the floor while holding a heavy duty assault rifle in his other hand. She felt her feet leave the floor and as he lowered her back down, he kissed her quickly on the lips. Still in shock, Leia was unable to react.

"Leia," he said in a voice full of emotion. "Let's get out of here."

From behind him, Leia heard a cacophony of beeps and whistles. Artoo rolled into view. Han grabbed his blaster from its holster and handed it to her. Leia took it automatically, still dumbstruck.

Han whipped out his comlink. "Chewie, meet us up top." He turned and addressed the small droid. "Get us out of here, Artoo."

The droid trilled enthusiastically and Han nodded to her, a grin spread across his face. They trailed after Artoo as he began to quickly roll down the corridor.

Han and Leia followed through the massive destruction. Han must have used an explosive device; pieces of Stormtrooper armor were strewn everywhere, still filled with body parts and covered in blood.

It hurt to run but Leia pushed the pain aside and struggled to keep up with Han's long-legged strides. There was an eerie silence as they ran through the long corridors. Any moment now, Leia expected more Stormtroopers to come barreling from around a corner. But all they heard was the sound of their own footsteps.

They reached a turbolift and Han hit the panel. The door slid open and they rushed inside. Han programmed the lift for the roof of the Imperial Palace. He turned to Leia and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked urgently, searching her face.

Leia stared back impassively. Was she? She didn't really know. But she nodded to appease him. He pulled her into a tight embrace and she allowed it but remained flaccid as a rag doll. In some corner of her mind, there was a dull awareness that his arms around her garnered no reaction whatsoever.

The 'lift doors swung open and Han brought his assault rifle up in a defensive position, shielding Leia with his body. When they were greeted by a lack of offense, Han muttered, "This seems a little too easy."

Leia agreed silently. Blaster at the ready, she followed Han out of the 'lift. They both surveyed their surroundings, waiting for trouble. Artoo beeped timidly.

They positioned themselves back-to-back in order to watch all directions at once.

"This is weird," Han declared.

The sound of a ship approaching drew their eyes to the sky above them and when Leia saw it was the Millennium Falcon, she was surprised to find no gratitude, no feelings of relief. She simply acknowledged it.

Han's comlink beeped. He grabbed it from his belt and yelled into it over the noise of the Falcon's engines. "Chewie, bring 'er down." The Wookiee growled back. "Yeah, I'm sure."

The trio fell back to allow the Falcon to land. The boarding ramp lowered before it had completely touched down. Han motioned Leia up the ramp with Artoo. He stayed facing away from the ship as he backed up the ramp behind them.

Leia followed as Han raced past her to the cockpit. They were lifting off before he was even in his seat. Leia dropped into the navigator's chair and strapped herself in, prepared for the chase that was about to begin.

As they soared into the sky above, Han yelled back to Leia. "Be ready to take to the quads if this gets ugly!"

Leia was ready. She would be more than happy to obliterate a few TIE pilots on their flight from Coruscant's surface.

Oddly, the chase never came. When it became clear that their escape would be unfettered, Han spoke to himself in a baffled mumble.

"Why isn't anyone after us?"

Chewie bellowed what Leia guessed was his own confusion.

"They're just letting us go." Han's brow was furrowed with bewilderment.

"Maybe they're tracking us," Leia suggested.

"We'll make a full sweep after we go into hyperspace," he said. He looked doubtful. "At least when we left the Death Star they made a token gesture to stop us."

Chewie grumbled from beside Han.

"I know," Han replied forcefully.

A hush fell over the cockpit as the ship ascended out of Coruscant's atmosphere. Leia couldn't remember ever taking off in such silence.

As Han and Chewie prepared for the jump to hyperspace, Leia was still waiting expectantly for a slew of TIE fighters to suddenly swarm them.

It never happened. She could tell from Han's posture that he was expecting it as well. Finally, he placed a hand on the lever that would propel them to hyperspace.

"Ready, Chewie?"

Chewbacca growled an affirmative and Leia thought she detected unease in his tone.

Han pulled back the lever and the stars slowly turned to streaks that whipped past them at a steady speed.

There was silence for a long moment. The adrenaline that had spurred Leia on was beginning to fade and she was suddenly more exhausted than she had ever been. She removed her restraint, stood, and quickly felt light headed.

"I need to lie down," she said to no one in particular.

Han rose swiftly to his feet. "You can use my cabin."

Leia turned to go. "That won't be necessary." She realized Han was following her into the access corridor. She just wanted to be alone.

"Sure it is," Han said congenially. "My cabin's way more comfortable than the crew quarters.

She continued walking. "The crew quarters will be just fine." Was she swaying on her feet?

"Suit yourself," Han said from behind her.

When they reached the door to the crew quarters, Leia was dismayed to find him still behind her. She turned to face him, uncertain what to say and lacking the energy to say it.

He lifted a hand to her cheek and Leia forced herself not to flinch. _Please don't touch me. Just let me go._

He brushed his fingers lightly across what Leia realized was a bruise. "Does it still hurt?" He dropped his hand and leaned a shoulder against the bulkhead.

She wasn't even sure. She watched him as he stood up straight and took a tentative step closer. She resisted the urge to back up and just as she was about to tell him she would see him later, he bent his mouth towards hers. Panic clutched her and she took a quick step back. "Don't," she croaked, heart racing as fast as the beat of a whisper-moth's wings.

Han smiled, eyes puzzled. "What?"

She took another step away from him and realized she was shaking. "Don't."

His smile faded. "You don't want me to kiss you?"

Her eyes fell to the floor. "No," she said in a quivering voice.

"You don't…" His voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "You don't feel the same way anymore?"

She couldn't look at him, just shook her head silently. She felt suddenly sick.

The hurt was plain in his voice. "Okay. Well, sorry to bother you, Your Worship." His boots stormed out of her field of vision and his footsteps faded.

Hot acid rose in her throat and she raced to the 'fresher, palmed the door shut and heaved over the metal toilet. Bile was all there was to vomit and when she was finished, Leia curled into a ball on the floor.


	14. Chapter 14: Cry for Help

I am so happy you guys are enjoying this so much! :) Makes my day :)

###

 _Scream out loud_

 _As you start to crawl_

 _Back in your cage_

 _The only place_

 _Where they will_

 _Leave you alone_

 _Simon by Lifehouse_

Han sat in his seat in the cockpit, staring at the starlines, his emotions swirling like the violent sandstorms of Tatooine. For the first time in his life, he knew what a broken heart was. He had wondered a few times why it was called by such a silly name. Now, he knew the term was most appropriate: the pain in his chest felt like a gaping hole that had swallowed every good feeling he had ever had.

Leia had been so cold about it, with no explanation.

 _Don't._

He closed his eyes. Of all possible scenarios for their reunion, swift and utter rejection had not occurred to him. He supposed it was his own fault. He should never have left her on Hoth. She probably blamed him for her capture. Hell, he blamed himself, too. He would have done anything to save her from whatever hell she had gone through on Coruscant. Her safety was the whole reason he had left to begin with.

At least she was safe now. He wondered about Luke. He wanted to go back for him but he had promised the kid he would rescue Leia and get off Coruscant immediately.

It struck Han suddenly what must have happened. They had gotten away without a fight…had Luke sacrificed himself to insure their escape? Had he struck some twisted bargain with Vader and the Emperor? It was the only thing that made sense. There should have been battalions of Stormtroopers pursuing them until the last second. He had expected to battle hordes of TIE fighters attempting to prevent him from the jump to lightspeed.

What might such a bargain entail? He had to find out what had happened to Luke. And if he was still alive, Han would have to go back for him.

But first, he had to fulfill his promise and deliver Leia to Dagobah. He still had to _tell_ Leia about Dagobah. The thought of talking to her brought fresh heartache. How could he look her in the eye now? How could he face her when she had so coldly rejected him? All he wanted was to take her in his arms and kiss her into oblivion.

The cockpit door swished open and Han glanced over his shoulder. Chewie roared, his blue eyes furrowed with concern.

Han turned towards him. "How long has she been in there?"

Chewie's responding growl worried Han. "I'll go check on her." It wasn't like Leia to spend over an hour in the shower. Han strode purposefully through the corridors of the Falcon until he reached the refresher door. He knocked softly.

"Leia?" He waited and when he heard no response, he knocked more loudly. "Leia, are you all right?" He pressed his ear to the metal door but could only hear the sound of the water running in the shower. Concern turned to a spike of fear. "Leia? I'm coming in!" he shouted.

He keyed in the override code and when the door opened, hot, humid steam hit him squarely in the face. He rushed inside, heart pounding, and pulled open the shower door.

At the bottom of the shower floor, directly under the hot stream of water, Leia sat, eyes closed, arms wrapped around her knees. She was naked but the abundant curtain of her hair covered most of her body. Against the porcelain white of her skin, Han could see dark, angry bruises and lacerations along the length of her forearms, as well as on her lower legs. He felt suddenly sick to his stomach.

She had not acknowledged his presence, which seemed to Han the most alarming thing of all.

He crouched down beside the shower. "Leia?" Water streamed past her closed eyes, bouncing off her lips to roll down her chin. He reached up and turned off the water.

Chewie barked from the doorway but Han was too single-minded to answer him.

He grabbed a towel from beside the door, returned to her side and spoke in a low, soothing tone. "Leia? I'm going to put you in this towel and take you out of the shower. Is that okay?" He waited, afraid to touch her without consent. Finally, eyes tightly closed, she gave a tiny nod, her face now scrunched up in a pained frown.

Carefully, Han wrapped the towel around her, making sure it was tightly cinched. He couldn't quite figure out how to pick her up without touching her in uncovered places that would most likely upset her.

"Chewie, get me another towel," he called. The Wookiee was thrusting it into his hands almost immediately.

Han draped the towel over his arms and lifted Leia from the shower. She curled into his arms, hair dripping down his shirt. She was shivering against him. He carried her to his cabin and hit the door control with his shoulder. Once inside, he gingerly laid her on the bunk and covered her with a blanket. She turned on her side, facing away from him.

He sat beside her on the bunk and swiped the wet hair from her face. Her eyes were still closed but her shivers were subsiding.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" he asked urgently.

Her eyes finally opened and she stared blankly ahead. She nodded.

Han couldn't stop seeing her battered skin. Were some of those burns? He knew she had been tortured on the Death Star, although she had never divulged the details. However, having seen her soon afterwards, no one would have ever known it. He had always imagined that the experience must have been pretty bad. Now, between the marks inflicted on her and the trauma she seemed to be experiencing this time, Han was more than a little freaked out. He swiped a hand over his face and realized he was shaking slightly.

Leia had always been the strongest person he ever met. He had seen her cry exactly two times in three years. And both were brief instances of tears having to do with the loss of Alderaan. He had seen her feeling down, anxious and defeated. But never had he seen her like this.

He placed a hand on her shoulder and felt her flinch. He withdrew, trying not to feel hurt.

"Leia," he began tentatively. "You need something for your…bruises." He was more concerned with the lacerations and burn marks but was hesitant to mention them. When she didn't answer, he told her he would get some bactagel for her. He left the cabin to find Chewie waiting tensely outside the door.

He growled his concern.

"I don't know exactly. She's pretty messed up from whatever the hell they did to her." His pulse beat a dull fury. "I'm getting her some bactagel."

Chewie grumbled low in his throat about Darth Vader. It was an echo of the rage Han was feeling.

"Yeah," Han said menacingly. "I'll rip the other arm off." He went to the med bay and found a tube of bactagel. As an afterthought, he pocketed a few pain pills. When he returned, Chewbacca was still outside his door, as if guarding the Princess from an unseen threat. He let out a very soft whine before the door slid open and Han nodded appreciatively in return.

Inside, he saw that Leia had sat up on the bunk, flipped her hair behind her, and was wrapped tightly in the blanket. Her gaze was averted as he approached.

She cleared her throat before she spoke quietly without looking up. "I'm sorry about that."

"No big deal," Han replied gently. He held out the tube.

Her hand slipped out to grab the tube then retreated into the blanket. She finally seemed to force her eyes to meet his. They were large and dull. "Thank you," she said simply.

She looked small and broken. Han wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay. But, he was afraid of her reaction.

She looked away again. "I won't be long, I'll put the gel on and go back to the other cabin."

"No," Han said quickly. "Just stay here. I'll just grab some things and go to the other cabin—"

She cut him off before he could finish. "I couldn't possibly keep you from—"

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he interrupted. "Stay here. I insist."

She sagged as if she hadn't the strength to argue. Han crossed the small space and opened a storage compartment. He grabbed some sleep shorts and a shirt, then rummaged deeper to pull out a long white shirt. He turned and laid it on the bed next to Leia.

"You can sleep in this. Take anything else you need. Make yourself comfortable." He hesitated then removed the pills from his pocket. "Here." He held them out in his palm and watched as Leia's eyes registered them. "If you need 'em," he added. He wanted to say more but couldn't find words that might not make things worse.

Her mouth opened slowly then closed. She grimaced and her hand again creeped out from the blanket to accept the pills. She said nothing.

He didn't want to leave just yet but her silence made him feel summarily dismissed. "You need anything else?"

She shook her head shortly. Her posture was rigid, her head held high, but she refused to meet his eyes.

"All right," he said, eyes bouncing around the cabin. "Make sure you use the gel. Get some rest." The silence was oppressive as he turned to the door. As he stepped through, he heard a quiet "thank you," from behind him. The door slid shut and Han closed his eyes, bombarded by too many emotions.


	15. Chapter 15: The Unexpected Continues

Poor Han...Poor Leia...their journey is just beginning...

Thank you for all the support :)

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Leia had lain awake all night, unable to sleep. A heavy, oppressive shadow seemed to be weighing her down. Yet, her mind would not relax and allow her to rest.

She was still alive. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. After three years of challenging death, she had thought it finally caught up with her and it had seemed a bit of a relief. Then, Han had shocked her by showing up out of nowhere.

Thinking of him caused a gnarled mass to settle in the pit of her stomach. She knew she had hurt him. A small part of her felt badly about it. But mostly, she couldn't be bothered to care. And that larger part pushed the more tender feelings deep down where she was able to ignore them.

The bactagel was working wonders on her wounds. There were a few on her back the she could not reach with the gel but they would heal on their own eventually.

When she glanced down, Leia saw the ring of purplish bruises on her wrists. Anger and humiliation began to flood her but she closed her eyes against the feelings and willed them away.

She still didn't understand how they had escaped with such ease. Why would the Emperor hold her hostage, torture her yet ask no questions, then allow her to escape. It made no sense.

Leia had been stunned speechless by the sight of Han in the cell doorway. It had felt surreal and the ease with which they escaped added to the dream-like quality. She had almost expected to wake up and find herself back in her cell.

She thought of Han again and was dimly embarrassed about the incident in the shower. She had felt a dire need to scrub herself clean with hot water. But the water wouldn't get hot enough and when she sat on the shower floor, flashbacks invaded her mind and she just sat there, hoping the water would become hot enough to wash the images away.

When he came into the refresher, Leia just wanted to ignore him and everything else and concentrate on _not_ feeling. Perhaps if she remained unmoving, he would just go away. She realized now how absurd the thought had been. But, his voice had seemed so far away and it had been all she could think at the time.

She didn't feel like herself. She felt as if she were watching her life from a distance, seeing it but not really experiencing it. It was the oddest sensation.

The chrono said 0400 and Leia was tired of lying in bed with too much time to think. She did not want to deal with Han, Chewie, or even Artoo. It was a good time to get up and drink some kaffe. No one was likely to be awake at this hour. Even Artoo was probably still powered down for the night.

Leia hadn't bothered to pull the covers off in order to dress after Han left the shirt out for her. She pulled it on then looked around at his cabin. She would need pants and something on her feet. The deck was cold. Hesitantly, she opened one of Han's storage compartments and searched through his clothing. She came away with a pair of gray sleep shorts and a black pair of socks. She pulled on the shorts, then the socks, and looked down past the long white shirt that came to her knees. She probably looked ridiculous, like a child playing dress up in her parents' clothes, but she didn't care.

The corridors were lit in a soft glow for night cycle. When Leia reached the galley, she was dismayed to find Han sitting at the small counter, a cup of kaffe poised in front of his lips. His eyebrows raised at the sight of her. She halted in her tracks.

"Mornin'," he greeted quietly and set his cup on the counter.

"Good morning," she said warily from the doorway.

He slipped off the stool. "I'll make you some kaffe."

Leia shook her head. "I'll do it." She began to walk over to the kaffe machine where Han now stood.

"No, sit down," he insisted. "I got it."

She hesitated a moment, uncomfortable with him doing more for her than he had already done. But arguing about it seemed silly. She nodded and moved to sit on the other stool by the counter.

Feeling detached from the moment, Leia sat stiffly as Han programmed the kaffe machine. When he had poured the kaffe into a mug and added cream, he turned to her and said, "I don't have any sweetener, sorry." He placed the steaming cup before her on the counter.

"That's fine." She blew on the hot beverage before taking a sip. Han sat on his stool beside her and sipped at his kaffe. They sat in silence, drinking. She didn't want to talk. It occurred to her to bring her kaffe back to the cabin when Han spoke.

"Listen, I need to talk to you."

Were there any more dreaded words in any language in the galaxy? Leia replaced her mug on the counter and met Han's serious gaze. Looking into his eyes made her uncomfortable so she turned hers to the floor. She heard Han sigh and braced herself.

"I made this promise to Luke."

Surprised, Leia looked at Han but said nothing.

Han sighed again. "I don't even know how to explain this cause _I_ don't even understand it." He glanced away before returning to look at her and continuing. "I guess I'll start from the beginning. I was on Kashyyyk when Luke showed up."

At the mention of the Wookiee homeworld, Leia felt a flash of shock. That had been where Han wanted to meet Leia if Hoth was evacuated. She had entirely forgotten about that. She blinked a few times before realizing that Han must have been there waiting for her.

"I don't really know how he knew I was there. But, anyway, he told me you'd been taken by Vader and you were on Coruscant. And I dunno how he knew that either." His expression was grim. "He said he'd been on a planet called Dagobah since he'd left Hoth."

Leia cocked her head to one side, more comfortable focusing on something other than herself. "I've never heard of Dagobah."

"Me neither. He said he was there training with a Jedi Master." The doubt that dripped from his voice left no question about the fact that Han questioned this claim.

Leia's brow narrowed in puzzlement. "I thought Obi Wan Kenobi had been the only remaining Jedi."

He looked at her as if she might have lost her mind. "Well, here's the really crazy part: Luke made me promise that if he didn't make it off Coruscant, I would bring you to Dagobah."

Fury burst in her chest and for a moment Leia could barely see. She felt as if asteroids were exploding inside her brain. She jumped from her stool and balled her hands into fists. "You left Luke on Coruscant?!" She wanted to punch him in the jaw.

His hands rose defensively. "Hey! Don't yell at me! Luke wanted me to."

Her lips pressed together and her fingernails dug into her palms but she didn't feel it. "We have to go back," she gritted out.

"Trust me, as much as I'd like a shot at Vader and the Emperor, I made promises to Luke."

"What promises?"

He took a quick breath. "Lemme finish telling you what he said before you tear my head off."

She could see that he was almost as angry and upset as she was. She sat back down and crossed her legs, inciting a mild pain. She uncrossed her legs and repositioned herself, hoping her expression had not betrayed her. Setting her jaw, she nodded for him to continue.

Han grimaced. "Luke said this Jedi was training him to be a Jedi and that the reason the Empire wanted you was to lure him to Coruscant."

A chill slivered through her, prickling gooseflesh along her skin.

"He said I had to get to you and get you off Coruscant. He made me swear I would leave without him. And that if he didn't make it away, I had to take you to Dagobah."

It almost seemed to Leia as if Han were speaking an alien language, one she was unfamiliar with. It took far longer for her to process his words than it should have.

He continued before she could respond. "He said…" Han paused and his features settled into a mixture of disdain and confusion. "That you have the Force, too. And this Jedi needs to train you to be a Jedi. Cause you're the last hope." He settled his arms across his chest and waited, expectant.

Leia gaped, disbelieving. Of all the things Han could have told her, this was the least expected. "I don't know the first thing about the Force," she said, thinking how absurd this all was.

"I don't know what to tell ya. This is what Luke wants."

She sat back down, feeling dazed. Had Luke gone insane? She couldn't become a Jedi Knight. And she didn't have time to waste on some obscure planet when the Rebellion needed her. What was Luke thinking? She could never be a Jedi.

"Oh," Han added off-handedly. "He also said to never doubt yourself."

Leia's thoughts stopped dead. _Never doubt myself._ It was exactly what she had been doing. Not just about Luke's words, but everything. She didn't even feel she had the right to be alive. Why was she still here? Was she even any good to the Rebellion?

Han must have picked something up in her expression. "Are you okay?"

How to answer such a question? No, she wasn't okay. She didn't feel as if she would ever be okay again. "We have to save Luke," she answered quietly.

Han's mouth quirked to one side. "I don't know how easy that's gonna be. I think he surrendered."

 _Of course,_ she thought with a sinking feeling in her gut. No wonder they escaped unchallenged. "That's why we got way so easily," she muttered quietly to herself.

"I'd bet credits on that." More quietly, Han added, "We're arriving at Dagobah in an hour."

Leia looked at him sharply, anger bubbling. "Shouldn't you have asked me first?"

He shrugged. "I was going to. But you weren't in the best shape for talking last night."

She kept her gaze level to hide her embarrassment. They stared at each other in silence until Han looked away.

"I can't make you decide anything once we're there," he said in a subdued voice, eyes still on the floor. "But I'm keeping my promise to Luke. Taking you there was what I promised." He stood and left the galley without a backwards glance.

Leia stared into her kaffe cup, her mood as dark as the contents. This was insane. Where had Luke dreamed up such a notion? All her life, Leia had heard tales of the Jedi. Never did it occur to her that she might become one. The thought was ludicrous.

Damn Han for taking it upon himself to make this decision for her. She wasn't sure who she was angrier with, him or Luke. They had no right to choose her path for her. How dare they?

Once she reached this Dagobah, the Jedi would see that he had made a mistake. Then, they would be on their way to the Alliance, where she would come up with a plan to rescue Luke. She hated to admit it to herself, but she would need Han's help. She had no doubt he would give it. But, she would rather see him leave the Alliance altogether. It would be far easier not seeing him. Every time he looked at her she felt uncomfortable. She couldn't quite pinpoint why. Perhaps it was because he witnessed her at such a low point the night before. She wasn't sure. She just knew that life would be easier without him in it. At the moment, she didn't want to deal with anyone. Especially this Jedi.

Leia downed the last of her kaffe and headed to Han's cabin. She would have to find something to wear in order to be presentable when they arrived.


	16. Chapter 16: Fate Decided

New beginnings are around the bend...

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Leia entered the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon and saw Han glance her way then do a double take. He turned back to the viewport without a word.

She was aware of how she looked. She had ripped a sleeve from one of Han's shirts and tied it around her waist as a belt. The long, white shirt came to her knees and it wasn't even possible to see the gray shorts she wore underneath. She knew she looked ridiculous. But, there was no alternative.

She strapped into the navigator's chair behind Han. They were about to enter the atmosphere of Dagobah. Leia just wanted to get this over with.

She felt the ship jolt violently as alarm klaxons began to blare throughout the cockpit and Chewie roared urgently.

"What the hell?" Han yelled over the noise.

Chewie growled a response and Han began flipping switches and pressing buttons.

"What's going on?" Leia yelled.

"All our scopes are dead," Han answered, preoccupied.

That was bad. She looked out the viewport at the foggy atmosphere flying past the ship.

Chewie roared again and Han yelled in response. "We're landing blind! Princess, make sure you're strapped in!"

She was. "This ship picks the worst times to malfunction!" she called over his shoulder.

"Sorry, Your Worship," he spat back. "She's temperamental, like this Princess I know!"

Leia glared at the back of his head then was jerked in her seat as the ship bucked.

In the viewport ahead, everything looked gray and Han swore as he released the landing gear. "Hang on!" he yelled and suddenly the ship was crashing into something beneath them and all Leia could hear was a loud crunching sound as she was thrown violently forward into her restraints. Her stomach lurched as they seemed to bounce momentarily before sinking into something with a metal screech.

Stillness. The crew of the vessel looked at each other to assess one another's safety. Seemingly satisfied, Han then cursed in a myriad of languages, some of which Leia understood. He banged on the console and unbuckled himself.

Leia knew how Han felt about his ship and she sympathized with his anger and fear. Chewie followed Han from the cockpit and she brought up the rear. Artoo came rolling through the access corridor, beeping wildly.

Han lowered the boarding ramp and it fell noisily onto something, but it opened. He practically fell off the ramp, Chewie following closely. Leia waited at the top for the verdict. She heard Han swear again and knew it was bad news. She inched carefully down the ramp, seeing that it was hanging at an angle. All she could see outside was a dense, gray fog.

She slipped deftly down the ramp and joined Han and Chewie on the surface.

The Falcon lay netted in a nest of vines that swung between large trees beside a swamp. It could have been worse, but the landing gear was crumpled and Leia could see that there was damage to other parts of the hull.

She watched Han warily as he inspected his ship. She knew that the Falcon was his heart and that the loss of it might kill him. She kept silent and looked at their surroundings.

Dagobah was quite dismal. A moist fog bathed everything in a grayish hue. The ground was covered with moss and Leia caught sight of a large lizard on a vine beside Chewie's shoulder. With a measure of dread, she wondered what other wildlife might be surrounding them.

This was certainly a strange place to find a Jedi. She wouldn't have believed it if the information had not come from Luke.

Chewie wailed mournfully. Leia looked at Han and saw his shoulders slumped. He looked defeated and Leia repressed a sudden urge to comfort him. The farther she stayed away from him the better.

She approached him slowly. "Is it fixable?" she asked tentatively.

"I think so," he mumbled then sighed. "But, it's gonna take…I don't even know how long."

Chewie's comment was incomprehensible but bleak.

It occurred to Leia that they were stuck here, after she had decided to speak to the Jedi and be on her way. Why? Why was this happening?

###

Leia sought out Chewie in the main hold. She had just finished taking inventory of their food supply. Chewie was taking inventory of their tools and spare parts. He looked up when Leia approached.

"Is the ship going to be okay?" She was afraid to ask Han.

Chewie grumbled a response that Leia couldn't translate exactly. It sounded moderately optimistic.

She offered an encouraging smile. Chewie turned to her and growled very quietly before placing a gentle paw on her head. The words were lost on Leia but the intention was clear. He was relieved that she was okay.

She rubbed his furry arm. "Thank you, Chewie." Was she okay?

She turned to go and wandered into the corridor. How was she to find the Jedi whom Luke had forced her to seek out? She didn't know where to find him and she didn't even know where they had landed, to use the term loosely. And how long would she be stuck on this bog-ridden planet?

A feeling of panic gripped her and she struggled air into her lungs. She made her way to the ramp and climbed awkwardly to the ground outside. The heavy air did little to soothe her breathing. She closed her eyes and concentrated on bringing air in and letting it out. Just as her nerves began to calm, Han's deep voice startled her.

"You all right?" His tone sounded genuinely concerned.

She jumped slightly, heart thudding in her chest, then opened her eyes and turned towards the sound of his voice. Hands on his hips, he stared at her with a forlorn expression. His presence only added to her anxiety.

"Yes," she lied.

He took a few steps closer. "How are your…" He hesitated. "Are you healing up?"

Leia nodded shortly. She realized suddenly that she hadn't thanked him for rescuing her. Immediately, she became aware that she almost wished he hadn't. "I'm sorry about your ship," she said quietly, eyes on the moss-covered ground.

He made a derisive snort. "Yeah, me too."

He came closer until they were standing face-to-face and something inside Leia shut down further. She stared stonily at a place over his shoulder.

He glanced around at the terrain. "I see why this place is uninhabited."

Leia followed his gaze. She couldn't argue and really didn't want to continue this conversation. A disconcerting feeling gnawed at the pit of her stomach. It felt as if someone—or some _thing_ —were watching them.

His eyes returned to her. "Leia…" he began.

His use of her name only increased the feeling of unease in her stomach. Somehow, it bothered her more than his mangled misuse of her titles.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you we were coming here before I plotted the course."

"It's fine," she replied brusquely.

He hesitated. "And I'm sorry about you getting captured on Hoth. It's my fault."

Her eyes flew to his in surprise and she could see that he was sincere. "How is it your fault?'

"I shouldn't have left."

Her slight shake of the head dismissed his words. "You had to leave." She wondered vaguely if he had settled his debt with the Hutt.

"If I hadn't…" he glanced at the ground. "Maybe things would be different." He looked up at her again, seemingly expectant.

His double meaning was not lost on Leia but she chose to ignore it. "Don't blame yourself. You're not responsible for my safety."

His mouth twisted into a grimace. He looked as if he wanted to say more but thought better of it.

"Besides," she added. "Even if you were there, I most likely would have been taken anyway."

Han shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, a posture she had never seen him wear before. Eyes on the ground, he shook his head slowly. "Over my dead body," he said to the ground in a low growl.

For a second, Leia felt a twinge of vulnerability. Then the armor fell over her heart again and she straightened her spine. She wanted to turn and walk away but, for some reason, stayed rooted to the spot.

He took a step closer and looked into her eyes, his expression sober. "I was so worried."

 _I don't need this right now._ The feeling of panic began rising up inside her like bitter wine being poured into a decanter. Her words came out in a rush and she barely knew what she was saying. "I don't know how I'll find this Jedi, we don't even know where we are or even where he might be." Her heart pounded fiercely.

Han's eyes dulled slightly. "I'll help you find him," he offered in a monotone.

"No, I'll manage," she replied quickly. "You have a lot of work to do on the Falcon. Besides, Artoo was here with Luke. I'm sure he can help me."

He gave a small nod in response then glanced around. "I don't know how good Artoo's going to be at getting around out here."

Leia looked at the surrounding ground and realized Han was right. "Well, hopefully he can point me in the right direction." She turned towards the ship. "I'm going to hook him up to the ship's computer and see what I can find out." It was as good an excuse to get away as any other. And it might even be useful. Without a backwards glance, she grabbed the side of the boarding ramp and scrambled up and inside.


	17. Chapter 17: Watch Your Step

So many great reviews! Thank you for taking the time to read, and to review :) It is most appreciated!

Onward we journey...

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Han paused from prying back the metal struts of the landing gear. The murky humidity was starting to get to him. Or maybe his patience was wearing thin because of Leia. He wiped the misty sweat from his brow with a sleeve. Deciding to remove the shirt altogether, he mopped his face with it and tossed it to one side on the damp ground. First Hoth, now this place. He certainly was going on an all-out tour of the biggest hellholes in the galaxy.

Chewie and he had begun working on the struts late the previous day but had to stop as darkness began to fall. When he retired to the ship for the evening, Han had hoped to have a chance to speak to Leia again. But, she had thwarted his efforts by remaining in his cabin. He wasn't sure what he was anticipating or why he still held on to any hope at all.

She had made her feelings clear. Not only was she rejecting his romantic overtures, she seemed to be rejecting his friendship. And if nothing else, friendship had been the one constant of the past three years. Even through the bickering, yelling, and insults, he knew she always had his back. He was pretty damn sure she had known the same of him.

And now, what were they to each other? Nothing at all?

Light footsteps drew his attention to the ramp and he saw Leia slide down and gently lower herself to the ground, stepping carefully through the web of vines. She had cut the sleeves off his white shirt and wore it belted with the same black sleeve as before. For a moment, he thought she wore no pants beneath it. When he looked more closely, he realized she had taken the hem down on his sleep shorts so that they just peeked out from the bottom of the long shirt. She had tucked a blaster into the makeshift belt. The outfit was so ill-fitting that Han found it endearing. He suppressed an affectionate smile, along with the urge to walk over and put his arms around her.

"Hi," she called awkwardly from below the ramp.

"Hey."

They danced around each other's presence for a moment. Then, with a casual nod, Leia began to walk into the foliage, away from the ship.

"Where are you going?" Han called after her, alarmed.

She stopped reluctantly in her tracks and turned back towards him. "To look for Luke's Jedi."

Han felt his mouth drop open. "By yourself?" he asked incredulously. She must have lost her mind to think Han would allow that.

Her jaw set visibly. "I don't need anyone's permission."

His teeth ground together. "I'm going with you." He plucked his shirt from the ground and started to pull it over his head.

"I don't need company. Stay and fix your ship."

He tucked the shirt bottom into his pants. "Don't tell me what to do."

Without waiting, Leia began to walk through the dense, swampy jungle. "I can take care of myself."

Han strode after her. "Yeah, sure you can. Like on Hoth," he muttered.

She whirled on him, eyes blazing, cheeks aflame. "I didn't go down without a fight!"

Han was angrier at himself than at her, but he misplaced his anger. "Yeah, and you got yourself captured!" He really looked at her then. The fury in her eyes was familiar, but he realized she was trembling with rage. Her jaw was clenched so tight he thought it might snap. It startled him and took the fuel right out of his engines. He struggled for something to say to calm her down. He wanted to hold her and tell her things would be all right but knew that was not an option.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, more sincerely than ever before. "But, we don't know what's out there. What kinda wildlife to expect."

Her jaw unclenched but her rage persisted. "I'm prepared," she said hotly, patting the blaster on her hip.

"Hey, I wouldn't even let Chewie go out into the unknown alone." It was a bit of an exaggeration but it would serve his purpose.

He watched as the circuits in her head computed furiously before her features finally settled into begrudging acceptance. "Fine." Her voice was devoid of emotion.

She turned and began walking. Han followed, leaving some distance between them. They walked in silence for a long time, climbing over massive tree roots and wading through swampy waters. Leia's stride was as determined as he had ever seen it, with perhaps a touch of defiance. He kept an eye out for predators, but all they came across were small lizards, snakes and harmless-looking creatures flying overhead.

They had been trudging across the terrain for an hour before Han finally asked, "Do you know where you're going?"

Leia abruptly stopped in her tracks. She sighed in frustration. "I thought I did. Now it feels like we're just walking in circles."

He rested a hand on his blaster and silently agreed. "Ya know, if a Jedi is as powerful as everyone always says, wouldn't he be able to find you?"

She looked at him for the first time in an hour. Her expression betrayed her surprise. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Luke made it sound like it was so important to this Jedi." He shrugged. "He should come looking for you."

She gave a small smile. "You almost sound like you believe in the Force."

"I wouldn't go that far." He raised his chin challengingly but was secretly pleased to see even a slight smile on Leia's face.

It disappeared quickly and her shoulders slumped. "I suppose you're right about the Jedi."

"Why don't we head back?"

She nodded at the damp ground. Han turned back the way they had come, trusting his inner compass to guide him back to the Falcon. He clambered over the roots of a particularly large tree and when he stepped onto the ground on the other side, he was completely startled as his foot went straight through the soft ground and he plunged into it up to his waist.

"Han!" Leia yelled in shock from behind him.

As he oriented himself, he realized that the muck was somehow liquid and yet also solid. He began paddling with his arms and quickly realized he was sinking further into the muddy sludge.

"Stop moving! Stop moving!" Leia called from the top of the tree roots.

He halted his movements immediately.

He heard Leia from over his shoulder. "I think that's sinksand!"

Han had heard of sinksand but had never seen it before. From what he remembered, the more you moved, the faster you descended into it. He was now submerged to his chest in the warm, slimy substance.

"So, how do I get out of this?" Han asked in an exaggerated conversational tone.

"I'm going to try to pull you out."

That didn't sound promising, as he was mired quite deeply and Leia weighed about as much as a Stavyan claw monkey. He turned his head just enough to watch as Leia surveyed her surroundings. Mentally, he urged her to hurry. He could feel himself sliding infinitesimally deeper.

She grabbed a thin vine, slid her arm through it and wrapped it around several times. After tugging on it to make sure that she was secured, she leaned out and away from the tree, reaching a hand out to Han. He raised a grime covered arm, painfully aware of the way his body slipped further into the sand.

Leia gripped his right wrist with her left hand and Han grasped her wrist in return. With her right hand, she used the vine to pull herself in the direction of the tree. She gritted her teeth in effort and Han could see the thin, blue veins distend in her neck. She groaned in stubborn determination, still pulling with all her might, refusing to admit defeat when she was unable to budge him from the sand.

"Stop," Han called harshly, realizing her efforts were in vain.

She continued to struggle and Han could see the small muscles of her arms straining. Her face was flushed dark red.

"Stop!" he yelled more forcefully. "It's not working!" When she finally let go, gasping for breath, he felt himself slide another inch deeper. He gulped down a wave of panic.

She stood and leaned against the tree, her arm still tangled in the twirl of the vine. As she caught her breath, her brow lowered and Han saw that his own panic had passed to her. She untangled herself from the vine and bent over, hands on her knees.

When her eyes met his, he saw pain there. They stared at each other for an eternal second and Han felt a spark of familiar, undeniable emotion between them.

Leia looked around, wild eyed. Finally, she picked up one of the thinner vines, placed it under her foot and began to pull at it. Han realized she was trying to break it.

"It's too thick, Sweetheart," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. He remained as still as possible. He was now submerged to his shoulders.

She continued her struggle with the vine. When she made no headway in breaking it with her hands, she pulled out her blaster. She stepped up onto the highest point of the roots of the tree, used two arms to aim at the vine, and pulled the trigger.

Han watched in nervous anticipation, closing his eyes briefly at the bright bolt that exploded into the vine. When he looked back, there was a small crack to show for it.

Leia carefully took aim again as Han felt himself sink a little deeper. The next blast landed in the same spot, cracking it just a little further. Han hoped the next shot would make a bigger impact. He was running out of time. He glanced up at Leia and saw that sweat had gathered across her brow and her eyes seemed to see nothing but the vine. She blasted the vine again and it splintered just a little more. Han closed his eyes for the blast then looked to Leia to find her hands were shaking as she aimed again.

She fired one more time but before Han could check her progress, he felt the strangest sensation, as if he were slowly being pulled up and _out_ of the sinksand. He froze, afraid that the movement would sink him deeper, but no, he wasn't sinking. He was being raised out. He gaped in amazement, as he was somehow lifted out by nothing.

Leia was staring at him, eyes wide, mouth open is an unspoken question as he lowered to the ground behind her.

To Han, it seemed much like Luke's trick on the Falcon. He looked at Leia, dumbfounded. "You didn't…?" he let the question die between them, uncertain what he was even asking.

She shook her head wordlessly, as stunned as he was. Without warning, Leia threw herself into his arms, heedless of the damp grime that covered him. Han was flooded with a warm rush and quickly wrapped his arms tightly around her. His pulse was pounding in his ears and he wasn't sure if it was because he had come close to death or because Leia was suddenly where she seemed to belong.

As quickly as she was in his arms, she withdrew, stumbling backwards. Her mouth opened to a small circle and her eyes focused on something over his shoulder. Han turned and followed her gaze.

Twenty feet away, a small creature stood on a rock. His green skin and gray robes seemed to blend into his surroundings. His long, pointed ears straddled his wrinkled face and in spite of his small stature, his presence was commanding. His gnarled hands rested on a stick propped on the ground before him.

Before he could utter a word, Han heard Leia's awed voice.

"Master Yoda," she whispered.

Han's head whipped to face her and all the pieces suddenly fell dizzyingly in to place.


	18. Chapter 18: Found Someone You Have

Thank you all so much for the love! You guys are awesome! :)

And now, Yoda speaks...

###

In the low light of Yoda's hut, Leia sat cross-legged. The residence was small and the ceiling was low, but Leia's size allowed her to sit comfortably. Yoda had said very little, except that he wished to speak to her alone. Han had reluctantly agreed to wait outside the hut, at a distance, but in sight of their location.

He had placed a pot over the small fire and was brewing what smelled like a type of tea leaf. Now, he turned to Leia, his expression impassive.

"Know you why summoned you I have?" he asked in a slow, quiet cadence, his voice gravelly.

The reversal of his speech patterns forced Leia to take an extra moment to process his words. "I know that you wish to train me as a Jedi," she answered softly.

His head bowed. "My wish that was."

Leia was puzzled. "Was?"

He closed his eyes and his expression was grave. "Fallen to the dark side Luke has."

A cold dread crawled up her spine. "What do you mean?"

"Turned him Darth Vader and the Emperor have. Serving forces of evil he is."

Leia shook her head with a small, dismissive smile. "No, that's not possible. Not Luke."

Yoda's posture seemed to slump. "Seen it I have," he whispered.

She thought back to her conversation with Han and the suspicion that Luke had struck a deal that allowed them to escape. Was his soul the cost of that bargain?

"Luke said I have…" She hesitated, uncertain what words to use. "The power of the Force."

His eyes rose to hers. "True this is."

Leia shook her head. "That's impossible."

"Think on it you must. Aided you in ways you did not realize it has. The Force it is when think you do that intuition or luck it is."

This was crazy. "I don't understand."

"In time you will." His eyes grew large and sad. "The last hope you were for bringing peace to the galaxy."

It took a moment for his words to register. Her head inclined to one side. "Were?"

Yoda sighed. "Suffered you have. Visions have I seen."

A quiet feeling of panic clawed at her insides. He couldn't know what she had been through.

He shook his head slowly. "So much anger in you."

A thick, defensive fog rose in Leia. She could feel the anger swirling below the surface.

Yoda sighed. "If train you I do, this anger you must first overcome."

"I can't be a Jedi," Leia said simply.

His eyes closed in defeat. "Then won the Emperor has."

Leia sat back and shook her head. It was simply crazy to think she could be a Jedi. She had no Force abilities. Her only place in this war was as a leader for the Rebellion, not as a Jedi.

What had Yoda said about intuition and luck? She didn't exactly see that she had experienced much luck in her life these days. But intuition…she couldn't deny that her intuition had served her well. Especially in her work as a diplomat. She often had a sense of what mood weighed over negotiations, especially during the past few years with the Alliance. And there were many times that she sensed a shift in the opinions and allegiances of others. She generally got a good sense of people's character immediately. She had sensed Luke's noble nature from the second he removed his Stormtrooper helmet. And despite his attitude at their first meeting, she had sensed Han's good heart right away as well. She supposed that was the reason that his contrasting behavior had so unnerved her. It might also be the reason that she never gave up on his friendship, even when he drove her mad with anger and frustration.

Her father had always praised her empathy. It never seemed unusual or special to Leia. It was just her nature. She was sensitive to the feelings of others, almost to the detriment of herself. It was why she could never turn a blind eye to the injustices that swept through the galaxy under the reign of the Emperor.

Suddenly, Leia remembered Luke talking about how he could sense things through the Force. Once, on a mission to the Tion Cluster, Luke had mentioned that he could sense conflict in Han.

 _"_ _What is he conflicted about?"_ Leia had asked testily. _"How to spend the money he's making on this mission?"_

Luke's eyes had taken on a faraway look. _"No. But he's worried about us."_

 _"_ _Do you know how I'm feeling right now?"_ Leia had asked, feeling mildly violated.

Luke had shaken his head. _"No. The person's feelings have to be very, very strong for me to sense them."_

She wondered now if Luke's ability was anything like her empathy. Was it possible that the Force was responsible for her intuition with people?

Yoda had said that Leia was the last hope in the fight against the Emperor. Could that really be true? Luke had come here to train as a Jedi Knight and had only abandoned his studies to bring Han to rescue her. Now, Luke was lost to the Emperor and it was because of her. She needed to rescue him.

What match was she against the Emperor and Darth Vader? The only reason she had escaped this time was because Luke had sacrificed himself.

If there was any truth to Yoda's claim that she had Force abilities, those skills would certainly aid her in rescuing Luke. And maybe even the galaxy. How could she not try?

"Master Yoda," Leia said solemnly. "I will train to be a Jedi."

Yoda's eyes widened. "To train as a Jedi, at peace one must be. Unburdened of all anger a Jedi need be. Anger, fear, aggression, down the dark path they lead."

She felt the defensiveness swell in her chest again but forced a stoic expression. Yoda merely bowed his head and sighed.


	19. Chapter 19: The Truth Hurts Everyone

Back to our favorite couple... :)

###

 _Cause the weak will seek the weaker until they've broken them_

 _Could you get it back again?_

 _Would it be the same?_

 _Fulfillment to to their lack of strength at your expense_

 _Left you will no defense, they tore it down_

 _Simon, by Lifehouse_

Han didn't like any of this. It was bad enough that Luke fancied himself some sort of Jedi, now Leia too? It was nonsense.

For the past six days, Chewie and he had spent their time fixing the Falcon, while Leia "trained" with Yoda. Several times, Han had wandered to Yoda's hut to find Leia deep in meditation with him. This was supposed to magically turn her into a Jedi? Only once had he actually found them _doing_ something. Leia was climbing a vine, the muscles of her arms straining as she pulled her slight weight to the top. Yoda sat nearby, rambling to her about the Force. Neither of them acknowledged him and so he watched for a bit before returning to the Falcon.

At the end of each day, Leia would return, sullen and exhausted. She spoke very little, ate very little, and went to bed.

Han was taking out his frustration on the landing gear. He vigorously jumped on a piece of metal that had dislodged. With every jump, the piece moved about an inch closer to where it belonged. If only they had the proper equipment, this would have been finished by now.

Sweating and breathing heavily, Han dropped to the ground and sat down hard. Nearby, Chewie had just removed his welding goggles. He picked up his canteen from the ground and brought it to Han.

"Thanks." He took a few gulps of water then passed it back to Chewie.

The Wookiee sat down across from Han and guzzled the rest of the water. He barked a question about the Princess.

Han grimaced. "I dunno. Far as I can see, they're not doing much. I don't get how he's gonna make her into some Jedi." He snorted derisively.

Chewie whuffled quietly.

"How do you know?"

Chewie's admission left Han stunned.

"You knew him? This Yoda? Since when did you ever know a Jedi?" How was his life suddenly filled with Jedi?

Chewie barked and growled at length and Han just gaped.

"How come you never mentioned this before?"

The Wookiee shrugged and barked shortly then stood and returned to his repairs.

To Han, the galaxy seemed to be turning end over end. Ever since he had left Hoth, everything had changed drastically. Luke was working for the Emperor, Chewie had a past that included Jedi, and Leia wanted to be a Jedi. Not to mention, his ship was a wreck.

Would things be any different if he had never left Hoth? He fruitlessly wished he never had. There was no way Leia would've been taken by Vader had he been there. She would never have gone through whatever had been done to her on Coruscant that seemed to have left her a shell of her former self. And maybe things would be different between them.

His thoughts returned, not for the first time, to when he had fallen into the sinksand. He had read Leia's eyes; the terror in them as he sank further down. Afterwards, her relief over his safety had been undeniable. When she embraced him, his heart had soared. It was the first time there had been physical contact between them since the night he pulled her from the shower. And it was the first indication she had given him that she still cared; the only chink in her icy armor of late.

But, since then, she had returned to treating him as if he were a mere acquaintance. It hurt in a way Han had never felt before.

He dragged himself from the ground and returned to repairing the Falcon. Working with his hands was always therapeutic and tackling familiar problems gave him a sense of control he didn't otherwise feel.

It began to grow darker and Han was frustrated that he would have to stop working for the day. The dismal climate rarely allowed the sun to peek through and daylight hours were short.

As he was finishing up, he heard light footsteps through the brush and turned to see Leia approaching. Her expression was as grim as it had been every day.

"Hey," he called in an amicable tone.

She nodded to him. She looked exhausted.

"How goes the training?"

"It goes," she answered simply. "I need a shower." She climbed up the ramp and out of sight.

He blew out a frustrated sigh then packed up his tools and hauled them aboard the ship. He found Chewie in the galley, preparing dinner from the fresh food supply. He barked a question.

"Starving," Han replied. "Just wanna catch a quick shower. Waiting for Her Highness to get out."

Chewie growled suggestively and Han threw him an angry look. He wasn't in the mood for his friend's teasing. He stalked from the galley and passed the 'fresher then placed his ear to the door and could hear the water running.

On his way back, he stopped at his cabin to retrieve a few belongings. When the door slid open, he stepped inside and stood, looking around.

It was a lot neater than he had last seen it. The contents on the small table were neatly arranged and the clothes he had left on the floor were folded and stacked on his storage compartment.

He looked at the bed, which she had tucked in military style. In another life, Han would be lying there waiting anxiously for her to join him.

Unfortunately, that was not his life. He grabbed a few garments from on top of the storage compartment and left, running into Leia in the corridor. She was wrapped tightly in a towel, her hair wet and hanging down her back. He tried not to think about peeling the towel away and running his hands along her shoulders, down her arms, across her breasts…

He stopped and placed his hands on his hips, blocking her passage. "Good shower?"

She glanced at him briefly. "Good enough. Excuse me."

With a grimace of disappointment, Han stepped aside and watched her make her way to his cabin. He went to the 'fresher, turned on the water and stripped off his clothes.

He forced himself to relax under the flow of the water before scrubbing himself clean. When he was dry and dressed, he brought his clothes to the valet and dropped them inside. When he reached the galley, he found Chewie gulping an ale at the counter. The container full of food was beside him.

Han ran a hand through his wet hair and examined the food. "Did the Princess come eat?"

Chewie snarled a negative response. Han was pleased, hoping she would come soon and they could eat together. He filled two bowls with food and sat at the counter, placing one aside for Leia. He ate slowly, taking his time in anticipation of her arrival. He finished eating and there was still no sign of her.

She had to eat. He warmed her bowl in the heating unit then started to leave with it.

Chewie asked where he was going and Han turned back.

"I wanna make sure she eats something."

He reminded Han that Leia was perfectly able to take care of herself.

"Yeah, well she's not doing a great job of it lately." He turned and heard Chewie wish him luck as he left.

When he knocked on the door to his cabin there was no response. He knocked again, harder, and finally, the door slid open and Leia stood wearing one of his shirts, her hair still damp. From her expression, Han gathered she was irritated. He held out the bowl.

"Ya hungry?" he asked in a voice that was a bit too loud.

She frowned at the bowl. "I can get my own dinner, thank you."

He was stung but tried not to show it. "Hey, just tryin' to be nice."

"I guess I'm not use to that," she said snidely. "I'm more use to you acting like a scoundrel."

One side of his mouth quirked up as he decided he liked her choice of words. "You've been working really hard every day. I thought maybe you were just too tired to come to the galley. And you need to keep your strength up. For your training." He tried to sound supportive, even though he was doubtful about the entire venture.

She took the bowl from him, her hard expression never wavering, then placed it aside on the small table. "Is there anything else?"

Hurt and anger burst in Han's chest. Why was she treating him like this? He leaned forward until he was essentially towering over her small form. "Yeah. Yeah, there is something else," he sneered. "I'm getting tired of being your punching bag."

"What?" The cold expression was now replaced with hard anger.

Han took a step closer and when she backed up it just inflamed him further. "I get it that you don't want me like you wanted me on Hoth. And fine, that's your choice. But there's no need to be so cold and mean to me all the time." He stabbed a finger at her for emphasis.

Her mouth was pinched before she spoke. "How dare you. You have no idea what I've been through. How dare you make this about you."

Han saw that her chin had begun to tremble and felt a sudden pang of remorse. He stood up straight and his expression gentled. "You're right, I don't know. Cause you won't talk to me," he said quietly.

"And I don't intend to," she said tightly. "It's none of your concern."

"It is my concern." He kept his tone low and soothing. His stomach clenched and he clamped down the part of him that was afraid to be sincere. "I care about you, Leia."

"Don't."

That word again. It made him angry but he didn't let the anger dominate him. "Don't care about you?" He shook his head slowly. "I can't do that."

She crossed her arms and her gaze dropped to his chest. She pressed her lips together and Han thought it was an attempt to still the trembling.

It was easier for him to go on without her looking at him. "Leia. I know you felt something for me on Hoth," he said quietly. "Maybe you even loved me." For just a moment, Han thought he saw a softening in her eyes…then just as quickly, it was gone. "You wanted that and I wanted it too."

"What does it matter?" she whispered harshly. "You wouldn't stick around anyway."

"I've been here for three years, Sweetheart." A moment of silence ensued and Han observed Leia's tormented expression. It broke his heart a little and he moved to place his arms around her.

Leia flinched and shrank back with a wince and Han saw wild fear in her eyes. His mind buzzed suddenly. Why? Why would Leia seem to be afraid of him? He would never, ever hurt her and he was pretty sure she knew that. He felt both hurt and confused.

 _Don't_. She didn't want him to touch her, ever since he had rescued her from Coruscant. He had attributed her coldness to anger at him for having left her on Hoth. Suddenly, that didn't ring true to him. What had happened to her on Coruscant to leave her like this? Why would she flinch from his touch?

In a flash, understanding hit him like a stun bolt to the back. His stomach recoiled and his heart sank. No. Let her tell him it wasn't true.

"What happened on Coruscant?" he asked in a severe whisper, voice strained.

Her eyes flew to his and her breath caught. Han vividly saw the pain in her expression and in that moment he knew he had guessed correctly. He felt the color drain from his face and was afraid he might become violently ill.

He should have protected her. He told himself he was way too old to cry but his throat was undeniably tight. He almost wished the sinksand had swallowed him. Hot rage filled his veins and his hatred of the Empire increased ten-fold.

"Leia," he whispered tightly around the lump in his throat. "What happened on Coruscant?"

Her entire body was trembling now and he could see beyond her hardening expression that she was aware he already knew.

"Do you want to hear me say it?" she snapped bitterly.

He couldn't help it. He moved to pull her into his arms. She pushed him back with surprising force.

"Don't!" Her eyes were wild like a trapped animal and this time Han understood and gulped down the hurt of rejection.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Leia, I'm so sorry."

"I don't need your pity," she replied coldly.

"It's not pity."

"You're saying now that you know, you don't feel sorry for me?"

"I'm saying I'm sorry it happened to you."

Her jaw hardened like durasteel. More than anything, he wanted to hold her, comfort her, make it all better. But now he understood why she didn't want him to. He vowed silently to never touch her unless she touched him first.

What could he say? What possible words could he offer that might give her any measure of comfort?

He stared at the floor, the guilt weighing him down heavily. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Don't do that." The anger had disappeared and now she just sounded frustrated and tired. "Don't make this about you. It has nothing to do with you."

Han met her eyes and found them dull and empty. His own were damp and burning. He started to apologize again but stopped himself.

` "Can you just go?" she asked, eyes now closed.

He was quiet for a moment, watching her. She had never looked so small and helpless to him before. The enormity of her personality normally added to her presence to make her appear larger than life.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly. "I'll go." He started for the door then turned back to find her eyes open and staring impassively at the deck. There was so much he wanted to say. But, he lacked the words and she didn't want to hear them anyway. "Leia, if you need anything…anything at all. I'm here. I'm always here."

Her eyes remained downcast but for a split second, Han thought he saw a slight softening in them. "Okay," she finally replied softly.

Han palmed the door open and when it slid shut behind him, he closed his eyes and released an acrid breath. He gulped down a wave of nausea.

He felt the urge to talk to Chewie, but was concerned about betraying her confidence. He went to the crew quarters, pulled off his boots and shirt then laid down on the bunk, one arm slung over his eyes.

His mind twisted and turned all night and when daylight came, he was still awake.

###


	20. Chapter 20: Anger Leads to Hate

Thank you all so much for the great reviews of the last chapter! It's out there now...the first step in the right direction. Thank you for reading :) I hope you continue to enjoy it!

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Leia sat on the damp ground, legs folded, eyes closed in concentration. Yoda sat nearby, speaking in a calm, soothing voice.

"Feel the Force flow through you. Binds all of us together it does. Flows between you and me it does. Between the rocks and you. Feel it…control your actions it does…obey your commands it does…"

For the first time, Leia became aware of an energy in the air. She _could_ feel it. It was there, between the rocks and herself. She blocked out all thoughts and feelings and concentrated only on that energy. In her mind, Leia saw the rocks lifting from the ground and finally, she could feel her control of the Force.

Pride and pleasure burst through her, the first of both she had felt in a long while. She opened her eyes and watched in wonder as she slowly lowered the rocks to the ground.

"I did it!" she exclaimed. She looked to Yoda, whose expression remained impassive. This was her first success and she began to feel, finally, that this might all be worth it.

Leia jumped up and grinned at Yoda. Perhaps there was hope after all. Ever since Han had recused her from Coruscant, she had felt both helpless and hopeless. Her entire life, she had been prepared for any situation. Thanks to the many self-defense lessons her father had insisted on, Leia had never felt unable to protect herself, in spite of her small size.

But, after Coruscant, she felt far too vulnerable. She had been unable to protect herself from the most invasive of assaults. With a sense of resolve, she realized that with the ability to use the Force, she would never find herself defenseless again. And suddenly, she wanted more than anything to have that power, the power to hurt those who threaten her. The thought brought a gleam to her eyes.

She heard Yoda sigh and when she looked at him, his eyes were closed and his mouth was shriveled to a grim line.

"Too much anger in you," he said sadly. "The path to the dark side this is."

Leia's sense of accomplishment deflated.

He opened his eyes and she could clearly see his disappointment. "Hopeless this is." He slumped in defeat.

Defensiveness rose in Leia's chest and her chin hiked up a notch. "But I finally used the Force."

Yoda's eyes widened. "A weapon the Force is not!"

"Then why have a lightsaber?" she asked hotly.

He shook his head, mouth pinched. "Led to anger your fear has. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Your undoing it will be."

A feeling of panic surfaced inside Leia. "My undoing? It will be my undoing to protect myself?"

"To protect is to defend. But led by anger start you down a long, dark road it will." His head lowered. "As it did Luke."

"Luke wasn't led by anger. He was led by a desire to save me." Guilt gnawed at her belly.

"Used his anger against him the Emperor and Vader did. As they will do with you if learn to control it you do not." His expression grew weary. "No more can I teach you today. Meditate on the matter I must."

Leia watched in dismay as Yoda turned and began the slow trek to his hut. In an angry huff, she spun and stalked into the jungle. She didn't understand. What was wrong with being able to protect herself? She would never abuse the power, never use it on someone who did not deserve it. She was far too compassionate for that, she always had been.

Her lack of progress was frustrating and she knew it was frustrating to Master Yoda as well. Finally manipulating the Force had felt like such a triumph and the way he had berated her made her feel like a petulant child. She was embarrassed to admit it, even to herself, but it was true.

She climbed over tree roots and waded through shallow swamp water on her way back to the Falcon, all the time keeping an eye out for sinksand.

When she reached the ship, she could see Han out of the corner of her eye, hard at work on repairs. She kept her eyes straight ahead on her target, the boarding ramp.

"Hey, you're back early," he called.

Leia ignored him and maintained her determined stride.

"Are you okay?"

She whirled on him. "Stop asking me that!"

She saw his defenses raise. His eyes grew smaller and his posture shifted rigidly. She didn't care if he was hurt or angry. She was too furious and frustrated.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"Stop it! Just stop it!" she yelled, her precarious control over her emotions beginning to slip.

"Stop what?"

"Stop tip-toeing around me like I'm going to break! You're so godsdamn polite all the time! Stop it!"

He threw the hydrospanner in his hand to the ground. "You want me to stop tip-toeing around you? Fine, I will!" He stalked closer to her and leaned forward, hands on his hips, teeth clenched. "Snap out of this!"

Her head jerked back. "What?"

"You heard me. Snap out of this and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"How dare you!" she seethed.

His expression softened and his voice lowered. "You're stronger than this."

"You don't know anything about what I've been through."

He nodded slowly. "You're right, I don't. What was done to you on Coruscant—"

"Don't!" Panic surged inside her.

He was quiet for the briefest of moments and Leia desperately wished he would just stop and leave her alone.

"You're letting it destroy who you are. You're stronger than this."

She crossed her arms over her chest and averted her eyes.

Han took a step closer. "Don't let them win," he whispered.

"I'm not letting them win," she protested, eyes narrowed to the dirt below their feet.

"Leia, every day you live in fear and anger, you let them win."

Her eyes snapped to his. He sounded far too much like Master Yoda for her liking. "You misunderstand," she said coldly. "I don't feel scared or angry. I don't feel anything. It hurts too much to feel." She forced her strangled emotions under control; it was what brought her the most comfort.

His eyes became sad and Leia steeled herself. Her voice was as hard as her feelings. "Why don't you just fix your ship and leave. I don't want you here anymore."

His responding look was stricken but Leia was too detached to feel anything at all. She turned and fled into the Falcon.

###

Han watched as Leia boarded the Falcon, furious at her and himself. He turned and smashed his fist into the hull of his ship, wincing at the sharp sting in his knuckles. He placed them in his mouth and scowled around the salty skin. The hull was no worse for wear.

He didn't need this. Once his ship was up and running he was out of here.

But he knew, even in this moment of anger that he would not leave. He didn't want to think about why he wouldn't. But, he wouldn't.

If she wanted to tell herself she didn't feel scared and angry then he would let her lie to herself. And if anyone should know her fear and anger, it was Han. Now that he kept his distance physically, she no longer had a reason to react with fear. But her anger…

Anger was the only emotion he seemed to elicit from Leia. She treated Chewie with casual detachment, but she reserved all her animosity for Han. He had tried to shoulder this burden, for her sake. Maybe she needed to release her negative feelings on him. But it was too much. He couldn't be treated that way for no good reason, day after day. He knew he had done nothing to deserve it.

He took a deep breath, released it then retrieved the hydrospanner. He returned to his repairs, knowing it would help calm him down.

As the familiar motions of the tool in his hand restored his sanity, Han decided to ignore her. If he didn't bother with her then she wouldn't have a reason to treat him with such enmity. If Leia didn't want to eat, then fine. He was not responsible for her welfare. If she didn't want to come out of her cabin each day after her training, then he would let her stay in there forever. She wasn't his problem.

Pushing down feelings of resentment, Han decided to stop caring about Leia. Tender feelings would clearly be his undoing. Resentment stabbed him as he was reminded exactly why he kept most everyone at a distance.

Somehow, Leia had made him want to risk letting someone in. And that last night on Hoth, it had seemed like the right decision. What had he been thinking?

For the briefest of seconds, he wished Luke had never found him on Kashyyyk. But, no, to wish for that would be to wish for Leia's death. And he could never, ever wish for that. Clearly, Luke would not have been able to rescue Leia on his own. Hell, he couldn't even rescue himself.

Leia seemed to think she could rescue Luke after her "training." Han thought the idea insane but kept it to himself. But, he was going to have to stick around, if only to keep Leia alive during that venture.

Regardless of the fact that she wanted him gone. The thought caused a bitter taste in his mouth and twisted his lips into a grimace. The reality of this hurt, deep in his heart. And it made him angry that Leia could hurt him that way.

But then he thought about what had happened to Leia on Coruscant and his heart broke for her more than it did for himself. It sickened his stomach. He couldn't begin to know what she had been through, but it seemed like the most horrible thing that could happen to a female of any species. And Leia had been so innocent…

His anger deflated but the hurt remained. Maybe he deserved her rancor. It never would have happened if he had been there to protect her.

He would stay out of her way for a while, since it was what she wanted. Normally, that wasn't so easy on the Falcon. But she had been avoiding him as much as possible anyway so it shouldn't be too hard.

Han worked on repairs the entire day without taking a break. He needed to use his hands. Chewie approached him a few hours before sundown and offered him a snack and a drink. He refused the snack but gulped down the water. There was this dire need to work until he had to stop for the day. When that point came, he packed up his tools and stepped back to admire his handiwork. The repairs were coming along nicely. A few more days and they should be finished.

Tossing the case of tools in before him, Han climbed aboard and headed to the 'fresher to take a quick shower. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he met Chewie in the corridor on his way to the crew quarters.

The Wookiee growled a comment.

Han sighed. "Well, you're a few steps ahead of me, Pal." At his companion's question, he continued. "She wants nothing to do with me. Told me to fix my ship and go."

Chewie told him he didn't believe she meant it, but Han was dubious.

"She's pretty convincing." He began walking in the direction of the crew quarters and his copilot followed. Han palmed open the door and they entered, hearing the quiet swish as it shut behind them.

Chewbacca said to give the Princess time.

Han dropped the towel to the floor and began searching through a pile of clothes. He came away with a pair of brown pants and pulled them on. "Time. What is time going to do?"

Chewie gave a soft reply.

He buckled his pants and stared at the floor. "She probably hates me for leaving," he said in a low tone.

Chewie disagreed and reminded Han of how wise Wookiees were. He gave Solo a toothy grin.

Han couldn't even fake a smile in return. "Yeah, you're just full of great advice." He placed his hands on his hips and made his voice a deep growl. "Let's stay and work with the Rebels. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

Chewie barked sharply.

"Yes, you do sound like that," Han replied caustically. He grabbed a tan shirt and shrugged in on. Without bothering to fasten it, he stalked to the galley. Leia was there, eating at the counter and Han silently hated himself for the way his heart jumped.

Without a word or even a glance in her direction, he grabbed a plate and rummaged through the pre-packaged food. He didn't feel like spending more time in the galley with Leia than he had to. He grabbed the first thing that sounded appealing, some kind of meat with mounder potato rice. He tossed the package in the heating unit and slammed the door shut. After adjusting the settings, he leaned over the counter, tapping his finger impatiently. When the indicator light lit, he removed the steaming pack and poured in onto his plate. He was suddenly aware of Leia's eyes on him but kept his gaze averted. He grabbed a utensil and quickly fled to the crew lounge, where he sat at the game table to eat alone.

He ate without tasting. Standing in a room with Leia and acting as if they were strangers renewed his anger. How long was he going to be stuck on this giant ball of mud?

Light footsteps sounded from the corridor and Han looked up to find Leia entering the lounge. She halted in place when his eyes lit on her. In her hand was a bottle of Corellian ale. She took one tentative step forward.

Han's mouth shaped to a questioning circle as they just looked at each other.

"You didn't take a drink," Leia said very quietly.

His brow wrinkled in surprise. Taken aback, he was silent.

She came fully into the lounge and slowly approached the table where he sat. Without looking at him, she placed the bottle on the table, turned and quickly retreated to the corridor. She was gone before Han could gather his wits to speak.

He looked down at the ale, wondering what had just happened. Not only had Leia noticed that he had forgotten his customary ale with dinner, she had brought it to him. And opened the bottle for him. He took a swig, thoroughly confused.

Was this a peace offering? A gesture of friendship? An apology? If nothing else, it must mean that she cared, if only a little bit. Didn't it?

He sat back and downed more of the ale. Since he had rescued Leia from Coruscant, every day felt as if he were navigating through an asteroid field. He never knew what was coming at him next.


	21. Chapter 21: And I Have Felt the Same

You guys are the best :) Thank you for all the support!

###

 _And I have felt the same_

 _Way as you_

 _I've felt the same_

 _Way as you_

 _I've felt the same_

 _Simon by Lifehouse_

Leia sat on a half-rotted, fallen log, leaning forward with her forearms on her thighs, hands pressed together. Her brow was crinkled and her eyes were on the ground below her.

She was disappointing everyone. Master Yoda was frustrated with her. She had too much anger. Well, anyone who had gone through what she had would have anger too and to hell with anyone who didn't understand that. But, she needed to train so she could rescue Luke.

She was disappointing Luke too, even if he didn't know it. He had intended for her to train and here she was weeks later, having barely made any progress at all. Master Yoda refused to move ahead with her training until she learned to control her anger. And so, day after day, Leia sat in quiet meditation. If it weren't for Luke, she would have given up by now. But he had sacrificed everything he was for her. She couldn't give up on him.

She had disappointed Han too. But she had never made him any promises. Why was he still here? He had no reason to stay. The Falcon was fixed and in perfect working order. He could hit the skies anytime he wanted. And yet, he was still here in this dismal swamp that offered him nothing. Which was exactly what Leia offered him. It would be better if he just left instead of looking at her with those sad, serious eyes that begged her to feel things she could no longer feel. Why did he care? He, who had always professed to care for nothing and no one. Now he cared?

She could distantly recall how it had felt to be with him that night on Hoth. But, she felt so far removed from it, as if it were a holo she was watching. Was she really that person?

She could no longer give him what he wanted. Or anything, for that matter.

As if her thoughts had summoned him, Leia heard footsteps sloshing through the mud in her direction. She hoped it was Chewie but somehow, she knew it was Han. _The Force?_ she thought bitterly.

She sat up straight but kept her eyes on the ground. She could see his boots in her peripheral vision when he stood over her.

"Shouldn't you be training?" he asked conversationally.

She didn't know how to respond so she remained quiet. When he sat down on the log next to her she resisted the urge to scoot away from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

Leia wondered if there was anything that _wasn't_ wrong. She was silent for a long moment then finally decided she might as well express her thoughts.

"I've started to doubt everything," she whispered quietly without looking at him.

"Like what?"

"Myself. The Rebellion. Everything." Speaking her feelings aloud, Leia could feel herself trembling inside, the bottled up emotions ready to burst. She struggled to drive those feelings deeper.

Han was quiet and Leia was mildly scared of what he might say. When he finally spoke, his voice was tentative.

"You just need to get your confidence back."

Leia's lips twisted into a sour grimace. "Ha! Wish I knew how to do that." She could feel his eyes on her and it caused her face to grow warm. It was so difficult to speak about what she was going through.

He was slow to respond. "Maybe…maybe you need to deal with your feelings about what happened."

She shook her head very slowly. "I'm afraid to feel anything. It hurts too much. It's so much easier to feel nothing." Part of her couldn't believe she was confiding in Han.

He blew out a short breath. "Boy, do I know how that feels."

It struck her then that he actually did. It was the motto he lived his life by. Perhaps he had the right idea all along. She felt him lean slightly until his arm was against her shoulder and she felt she might crawl out of her skin. She stood and turned to face him. He looked back with a stoic expression and she dropped her eyes.

"I feel like I have no control over anything. Certainly not the Force," she said bitterly.

He stood before her. "That'll get better in time."

She wondered how he could possibly know that. Her outward wounds had all healed, but the ones inside her felt as fresh and raw as ever. "It feels like they killed everything inside me," she whispered, her voice anguished.

Han took a step closer and Leia forced herself not to step back. If she looked up at him he would be far too close. "You're stronger than that, Princess. And you know it."

` "I don't feel strong." Her voice sounded too quiet and she wondered if he had heard her.

"That's cause you've stayed too strong for too long."

From the corner of her eye, Leia saw his hand raise then quickly lower. She breathed a sigh of relief.

When she said nothing, he continued. "You have to get past this, you can't let the Empire have this power over you."

Her lip began to tremble and she clamped her teeth down on it. When she had steadied herself, she finally answered him. "I'm too broken," she whispered.

His response was gruff. "Then start putting yourself back together again."

A sharp anger stabbed her. She took a step back to meet his eyes. "That's easy for you to say!"

His eyes darkened and his voice grew hard. "You think I don't know what it's like to force yourself to feel nothing so you don't have to hurt? That's been my life's mission. I grew up in a boy's shelter. No parents, no one who gave a damn about me."

Leia's breath caught at his admission. Never before had he given her a glimpse into his past life.

He continued without missing a beat. "So, I never cared about anyone either. And when Chewie came along, it scared the hell out of me to think he cared and might stick around."

Leia felt the ice around her heart start to melt. No wonder. No wonder Han had played the mercenary. It was easiest to offer no more than that.

She struggled with the tender feelings. She didn't want to let him in. She didn't want his confessions or his empathy. It was bringing too much to the surface. She felt that if she started crying, she might never stop.

And so, she buried those feelings with all the others and by the time she spoke, her voice had steadied. "I'm sorry you had it so rough. Look, I don't know how long this Jedi thing is going to take. You don't have to stay, you can leave if you want to. I'm sure you have better things to do than wait around here."

In a slow progression, Han's eyes softened to hurt. His lips came together in a grim line. "You want me to go?" he asked carefully.

"I didn't say that." Leia kept her voice and expression impassive. "But I don't want you to feel like you have to stay."

"I don't _have_ to stay."

His gaze lingered on hers until Leia could no longer stand it. Her eyes fell to the vicinity of his chest.

The ensuing silence was almost painful. When Han spoke, his voice was deep with emotion.

"You can't go on like this forever, Leia." He turned abruptly and headed back to the Falcon.

Leia closed her eyes against the emotions that battled for her attention. It was a long time before she could open them without the fear of falling apart.


	22. Chapter 22: Uncontainable

The drama continues...

###

 _Locked inside the only place_

 _Where you feel sheltered_

 _Where you feel safe_

 _You lost yourself_

 _In your search to find_

 _Something else to hide behind_

Han was surprised to find Leia outside at midday. Normally she was with Yoda. But today she stood at the edge of the dense jungle, staring straight ahead.

"Hey," he called.

He saw her posture straighten but she did not turn.

"What are you doing? Shouldn't you be with Yoda?"

"I took the day off," she said tiredly.

He wasn't really surprised. It was more surprising that she made it there every day, considering her frustration. "So, what're you gonna do today?" he asked casually.

She remained facing away from him. "I have no idea. I hadn't thought about it."

"Wanna go for a walk?"

Now she turned, just enough for him to see her smirk. "So you can drown in sinksand?"

He grinned. "I don't suppose you've learned how to levitate me out?"

She pursed her lips and turned back to face the trees.

Han moved to stand next to her. "Training going any better?"

"No," Leia replied shortly, expression hardening.

He turned towards her and kicked nervously at the ground. "Ya know, there are med centers that offer anti-trauma deprogramming."

Her head whipped in his direction and her brow lowered. "What?" she asked sharply.

Her look made him feel like one of the small lizards on this planet. "We could go to a med center, I can fake an ID for you. Get you some treatment. Then you come back and finish your training."

Her teeth ground together and Han could see that she was struggling with her temper. "I do not need 'deprogramming.'" Her head swiveled back in front of her.

"Well, you need something," Han said quietly.

Now, she turned to face him. "Don't tell me what I need," she said hotly.

"Leia, you've been a mess for weeks now." It was becoming difficult to watch her go through day after day in the same miserable state. Something had to give.

Her jaw clenched. "Who the hell are you to judge me?"

"I'm your friend."

"My friend," she drawled mockingly. "This isn't about friendship. You just want to sleep with me."

Han was taken aback. "That's not what this is about."

"That's always what it's been about with you!"

He could see her anger rising and struggled to maintain his own. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Oh, please," she said coldly. "You've never cared about being friends. You've always had an ulterior motive. You don't care about anyone, remember?"

Indignation brewed in his chest, frothing to the surface and beginning to take over his reactions. "That's what you think? That's really what you think of me? After everything we've been through?" He had thought that after the night they spent together on Hoth that she knew him better than that. Maybe it was the anger and pain talking for her, but once again, Han regretted ever opening himself to being hurt in such a profound way. "Why would I be here if I didn't care?!" His voice had grown loud but he was too angry to attempt to control it.

"I don't know!" Her voice was rising to meet his volume. "Why are you still here?"

"Because I love you!" The words startled Han as much as Leia. But, he couldn't deny they were true. His defenses slipped as soon as the words left his mouth and he felt a deep vulnerability sweep over him.

For a moment, there was something in Leia's eyes other than anger. Shock and possibly fear. "You love me?" she asked, dumbfounded.

Han's eyes lowered momentarily then reluctantly returned to hers. "Yeah." He shrugged self-consciously.

She quickly recovered the apathetic mask that was so often present of late. "You don't even know me anymore."

His heart sank a little. "You're not as different as you think you are."

"Oh, yes. I am," she replied bitterly.

Han was aware of how emotional he felt and was scared to put his feelings further on the line. But, he had revealed his deepest feeling already, how much worse could he make it? He stepped closer to her, aching to put his arms around her but resisting the desire. "Leia, I know deep down, you still have feelings for me," he said quietly.

Leia's eyes took on a faraway look as she gazed over his shoulder at something that wasn't there. "I think I was in love with you," she whispered wistfully.

"Was?" Disappointment throbbed through him.

She looked at him and her eyes turned hard. "I don't feel anything anymore."

"For me?"

"For anything."

A gaping void settled in Han's stomach. "Maybe if you let yourself feel something, you'd start healing."

She cocked her head to one side but her expression remained unyielding. "And what do you suggest I let myself feel? Is this a selfish suggestion?"

He shook his head slowly. "No. It's not even about what I want. It's about you getting better."

"You don't get it and I'm not surprised. I can't give you what you want."

"What I want most of all is for you to be okay. If that means that you don't…" He hesitated then forced himself to use that word again. Hell, it was already out there. "If that means that you won't love me back then that's okay."

She crossed her arms over her chest and settled her mouth into a firm line. He stepped closer to her and she dropped her eyes from his.

"Leia, let me in. Just a little," he whispered.

Her eyes closed and he could see that she was floundering. "I can't."

The pain squeezing his heart was overwhelming. He could see he was affecting her. "What happened to you has nothing to do with what I want with you. And I would never, ever hurt you."

Her eyes opened but she didn't look at him. He could clearly see the pain that resided there. "I told you. I can't give you what you want. I can't give you anything."

"All I'm asking is that you trust me."

"And all I'm asking is that you leave me alone," she whispered.

Her words were like a vibroblade to the heart. She kept saying this and yet, he kept coming back for more, only to receive the same repudiation over and over. Was he a masochist? Why did he keep doing this to himself?

All he wanted was to hold her and comfort her. He hated seeing her like this. And he knew she could only keep the bad feelings at bay for so long.

He had spent so long hoarding his feelings that he could no longer contain them. "I can't seem to do that," he said with a tiny smile.

"And why is that?" she asked in a hard, cold voice.

He exhaled harshly and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess cause of how I feel about you."

Now her blazing eyes found his. "Because you want to fuck me?"

Startled shock struck him. He had heard Leia use that word before but not in this context and certainly not applied to them. The instant the shock wore off, fury was left in its wake. For a moment, he was at a loss for words. When he spoke, his voice was low and angry. "No. I don't want to fuck you. You know why? Cause I could fuck anyone. I wanna make love to you. And before I met you I didn't even know there was a difference."

He was too angry to process her responding expression. He stalked back to the Falcon and climbed up the ramp, a frenzy of emotions roiling from head to toe.

###

Han kicked the chair at the computer console and it rolled to slam into the bulkhead with a satisfying crash. It bounced and spun slowly back into place. It did nothing to calm Han's fury.

Why did he let that woman affect him so much? _Because I love her,_ he thought dismally. Why had he let that come out of his mouth? Well, he could no longer deny it to himself.

He heard heavy, pounding footsteps from the corridor and Chewie appeared, looking battle-ready. He roared questioningly.

"It was just me," Han said with a mixture of misery and sheepishness.

The Wookiee's response was knowing.

"Of course," Han replied irritably, dropping into the chair he had just abused. "What else?" His head fell back. "Gods, I'm an idiot."

This time, when Chewie declared that it was because he loved the Princess, Han did not argue. He just swiveled the chair from side to side in silence.

"I don't know what to do," he said quietly.

Chewie walked closer and growled softly.

"It's like banging my head against a bulkhead."

Chewie crouched so that he was at Han's eye level. He barked a question.

Han glanced at the floor. "I can't tell you. She'd kill me if I did."

Chewie grumbled a question.

"She didn't. I guessed. And she wasn't happy about it."

They were quiet for a time and Han was very aware of the pulse beating in his neck. When Chewie spoke, Han shot him a stunned look. When he recovered, he spoke quietly.

"You didn't hear that from me, Buddy."

Chewie grunted acknowledgement then gave some advice.

"I have been gentle."

The Wookiee suggested Han be even gentler towards the Princess. Han sighed and shook his head doubtfully. He didn't know what to do. When let her be, it changed nothing. When he tried to be there for her, it only ended up with both of them upset. His life had spiraled out of control.


	23. Chapter 23: Catharsis

Here is the ray of hope you all have been asking for...

###

 _The fearful always preyed upon your confidence_

 _Did they see the consequence when_

 _They pushed you around_

 _The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones_

 _Breaking them until they become just another crown_

 _Simon by Lifehouse_

###

The sun was almost peeking out through the fog. One stray ray of sunshine made its way to the surface and Leia sat on the ground, momentarily basking in the rare light. She hugged her legs and placed her chin on her knees.

She had never felt so small. This grim world around her felt huge; the galaxy seemed so vast; and Leia was just a tiny speck that mattered so little in the scheme of things. She had never felt this way before. She was so exhausted, both from lack of solid sleep and the struggle of handling her emotions.

Every time Han tried to talk to her she felt a little more battered, a little more frangible. And a little closer to breaking. He had to stop.

He loved her? Did he even know what the words meant?

She closed her eyes as emotions began to bubble to the surface. She felt her chin begin to tremble and bit her lip hard. It distracted her just enough to cease the tremors.

Panic seized her suddenly, her heart pounding far too hard in her chest. Her breath caught in her throat, and for a moment, the world swam before her eyes. When she was able to expel a breath, it was short and shallow and she began to hyperventilate, her head spinning. She tried to stand but fell to her knees in the dirt. She closed her eyes tightly.

 _I'm losing my mind,_ she thought and then she was shivering uncontrollably and she was back in the cell on Coruscant and what was going to happen? Who was coming for her? She had to get out of here, had to get away.

She opened her eyes and was back on Dagobah, kneeling in the dirt, but it was no comfort. It had happened already and now she couldn't breathe. A brief sob escaped from deep in her chest but she choked it back.

And suddenly, Han was kneeling beside her but she couldn't look at him, could only see his knee with the yellow bloodstripe along the side. He was saying something but blood was pounding in her ears and she could hear nothing over that sound.

When he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, she crumpled, fell to one side, and leaned against his chest; her eyes closed tightly and the tears finally spewed forward, accompanied by deep, anguished sobs that shook her slight form. Han's arms went around her, steady against her tremors.

Sorrow, anguish, and all the other pent-up emotions she had buried spilled over and poured out like a waterfall of lava. Her tears were like fire, her breath was like steam, and through it all, Han held her, making soothing noises and rocking her back and forth. She felt as if she would never stop crying.

It felt like an eternity before Leia could think again. Tears continued to stream down her face and sobs still emanated from her lips, but she was regaining awareness of her surroundings. Her breathing was starting to calm and the dizziness was fading.

When the cries had decreased to soft whimpers, Leia was able to hear Han's quiet words above her head.

"It's okay, shhhhh, I'm here. I've got you. I won't let anything bad ever happen to you again." He stroked her hair and back with a tender caress.

His soothing tone began to calm her and she realized that she felt safe for the first time since Hoth. She remained buried in his chest and her tears finally dried up and the whimpers petered to a persistent hitch in her breathing. She took a few deep breaths and that was gone too.

The feeling of exhaustion was all-consuming. She couldn't recall ever being so drained. She realized she had to look Han in the eyes and might as well get it over with.

She pulled back, wiped at her eyes and cheeks, then sat up taller than she felt. She forced herself to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry," she said simply.

"Nothing to be sorry about," he said, his voice slightly hoarse, his eyes sympathetic.

She was so very tired. But sleep always brought the worst nightmares and so she tended to avoid it. However, she didn't think she could keep her eyes open.

"You look beat," Han observed. "You should go lie down."

She nodded listlessly. He stood first and when she started to follow, her legs tingled and buckled beneath her.

With a grunt, he caught her under the arms before she went down. "Are you okay?" he asked quickly, supporting her as she forced herself upright.

"I'm fine. My legs just fell asleep." She sucked in a breath at the numbness.

Han moved beside her, ducked down, and carefully placed her arm over his shoulder. The gesture touched Leia and she realized that today was the first time that his proximity hadn't flooded her with fear. He was warm against her and it felt comforting. The numbness began to disappear but she allowed him to lead her up the ramp and to the cabin. He let go and she walked in unassisted.

She turned to face him and he spoke first.

"How 'bout some tea? It might help you sleep."

She wasn't certain about the tea, but she didn't want him to leave. The idea of being alone right now frightened her. She agreed to the tea so that he would come back. He smiled and left the cabin.

Leia turned and grabbed the large shirt she had been sleeping in. She changed quickly before Han could return.

Sitting down on the side of the bed, she realized that, for the first time since they had left Coruscant, she felt as if she could breathe. The tightness in her chest was finally gone. It had become so persistent, she had forgotten what it was to breathe freely.

Maybe she would sleep soundly. A shiver flew through her. The dreams were so vivid and horrifying that she wasn't sure she could risk it. Would the dreams ever go away?

###

Han stood over the heating unit, waiting for the water to boil. He was quivering inside. He had seen Leia's shoulders shaking from where he stood behind her. His first instinct had been to go to her, but he had stopped in his tracks, afraid of angering or upsetting her. But, when he heard a strangled sob, he rushed to her and was stunned when she fell into his arms.

Never before had he seen someone cry like that. It was heartbreaking. In that moment, he would have given anything, including his life, to comfort her. He could barely believe she had allowed him to hold her.

The heating unit beeped and Han removed the mug and placed the tea leaves inside. He stirred it then stood for a moment, just breathing.

Her pain humbled him. It was excruciating. With one last, deep breath, Han picked up the mug and carried it back to the cabin. He rapped on the door and when Leia called for him to come in, he hit the door panel.

The door slid open and he saw Leia lying in bed with the covers pulled up to her chin. Her hair was down and spread back over the pillow. He didn't know what to say so he just placed the mug on the small table by the bunk.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"No problem," he replied as he ambled back to the door. He turned towards her. "You need anything else?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay." He lingered for a moment longer. "Well…good night." As he turned to go, her voice called after him.

"Han?"

He turned back. "Yeah?"

Her lips formed a word before it left her mouth. "Could you…would you…stay until I fall asleep? Please?" Her eyes were on the ceiling and her voice was hesitant.

Surprised, Han answered quickly. "Sure." He walked to the chair beside his desk but she spoke before he could sit.

Her voice was tense. "I meant…" She cleared her throat self-consciously. "Would you…lie down? Here with me?" Her cheeks were flushed as her arm peeked out from the blanket and patted a spot above it.

Han's brow rose. This was the last thing he expected. "Sure." His voice came out quieter than intended.

Before he could take a step towards her, she quickly added, "Just for a little while. So I can fall asleep." Her cheeks were burning now.

"Don't worry, Leia. I would never try to do anything you didn't want me to do."

She stared at him, eyes wary. Finally, she gave a short nod and moved over on the bunk.

Han approached slowly, a little nervous himself. He sat on the edge of the bunk, pulled off his boots and tossed them aside. With his back to Leia, he hesitated a moment, trying not to be obvious as he took a deep breath. He was so scared of doing or saying something wrong. Then, he turned and laid down, her body warm through the blanket between them.

The silence was tangible, tendrils drifting in the air between them. Her low voice finally broke the fog of silence.

"I don't really sleep," she admitted.

He struggled for a response. "Worse than usual?"

"Yes."

"More nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Well," he said slowly. "I'll stay as long as you want me to."

She was quiet for a long moment. "Thank you," she finally whispered.

He didn't know what to say and so he said nothing. He was aware of how loudly he was breathing and he wondered if it seemed as loud to her as it did to him.

She shifted restlessly beside him and he felt equally restless but forced himself to remain still. Without warning, Leia turned on her side and rested her head on his shoulder. Han froze, afraid to do or say anything that might disrupt whatever was happening between them. A hopeful spark tingled through him.

Perhaps crying had been good for her. He hoped it would start her on a path to recovery. He couldn't deny that he had selfish reasons to wish for her to get better, but when he looked past those reasons, what he wanted more than anything was for her to be herself again. Her suffering broke his heart. And even if it meant they could never be more than friends, he simply wanted her to feel safe and happy again. Well, as happy as one could be when at war.

He could live with just friendship. What he could not live with was being treated like the enemy.

Her breathing had become light and steady and he realized that she had already fallen asleep. She must have been exhausted. By the pervasive, dark circles that ringed her eyes, he could have guessed she had barely been sleeping.

He wasn't sure how long he should remain bedside her. He didn't want to rouse her by getting up too soon but he also didn't want to overstay his welcome. If she woke up in the morning and was surprised to find that he was still there, it might freak her out. Han sighed and decided to stay another twenty minutes.

He looked down at her face. Even with the dark circles and pale skin, she was so beautiful. Her features were so small and delicate but hid such a fierce spirit. That spirit was so broken now but, in sleep, that wasn't visible. In sleep, she simply looked peaceful. He kissed the top of her head, the scent of her hair filling him. It felt so good and right to be there with her, just as it had on Hoth. It was just a baby step, but at least it was in the right direction.


	24. Chapter 24: About Last Night

Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! So happy that you are enjoying my story and it is keeping you entertained. To those who said the last scene made you tear up or cry, I am honored to have touched you so deeply with my words. Thank you!

###

Leia woke slowly from a deep, contented sleep. Something felt different, but in her sleepy haze, she was not sure what. She opened her eyes, blinked a few times, then realized she had actually slept, _really slept_ , and hadn't been woken by nightmares. She felt better and more rested than she had in what felt like forever.

Suddenly, she remembered Han and looked to the other side of the bed. He was gone, which was probably for the best. The events of the evening before slowly seeped into her consciousness and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about it. She turned to lie on her back and stare up at the ceiling with a deep sigh.

She should probably feel embarrassed about her breakdown, but she couldn't muster the energy. Han had been so understanding, so comforting. It felt as if his arms kept her in place, kept her from falling apart entirely; as if he were holding all the pieces of her in his grasp so that they didn't splinter into a thousand different directions.

A sudden wave of guilt hit her. She had treated him quite badly for weeks now and he really never deserved it. He had been trying to take care of her. If it weren't for him, she would still be back on Coruscant. She shuddered and pushed the thought aside.

Han's words popped into her mind. _'Because I love you.'_ She had almost forgotten about that. So much had happened since.

He loved her. She wasn't sure how she felt about that either. Did he mean it? Or had he just romanticized that one night on Hoth?

She felt more vulnerable than she had, now that all those feelings had spilled to the surface. It was something of a relief. She had continuously felt as if she might explode at any second, like pressure was pounding inside her, begging for release. Now, that pressure was gone it felt good to just take simple, deep breaths.

She flipped the covers back and sat up on the side of the bunk. The deck was cold so she grabbed a pair of socks and pulled them on. She needed some kaffe. The chrono showed that it was early morning and Leia wasn't sure if anyone else would be up yet. She made her way to the galley, running her hands through her loose hair to make it somewhat presentable.

When she reached the doorway to the galley, Han looked up and paused with his mug halfway to his lips. His brow rose and his eyes held a soft glimmer of green.

"Good morning," he said quietly.

She lingered in the doorway, her hands clasping restlessly. "Good morning."

He jumped up from his stool. "I'll make you some kaffe."

She stepped fully into the room. "No, sit down and drink yours, I'll do it."

His back was facing her as he grabbed a mug and placed it in the kaffe machine. "I'm already here, I got it."

She nodded then realized he couldn't see her and took a seat on the stool next to his. Not knowing what to do, she placed her hands in her lap and quietly waited for the kaffe to be ready. Han remained facing the machine and it occurred to her that he must feel equally awkward.

The machine beeped and Han removed the mug and poured cream in it. He handed it to Leia and sat on the stool beside hers.

"Thank you," she said, taking a long sip. The steaming liquid felt good and it seemed to Leia that she was really tasting it for the first time in a while. It warmed the remaining chill she felt.

"Sure," Han answered easily. Silence fell loudly between them as they both drank their kaffe. Han finally broke it. "How did you sleep?"

She looked up from her mug and met his gaze. "Better than I have in a while."

He smiled. "Good, I'm glad." He drank deeply from his mug.

"What about you?"

"I slept okay," he shrugged.

The tension in the air begged Leia to address what remained unspoken. "Han, I…" She gazed at the deck below then forced herself to meet his questioning eyes. "Thank you. For being there for me yesterday. And…for staying with me until I fell asleep. Thank you."

His expression had turned somber. She could tell he was trying to formulate a response and she hoped he wouldn't come back with some wiseass remark that caused her to regret her sincerity.

"Anytime," he said soberly. One side of his mouth quirked upwards ever-so-slightly, a whisper of his crooked smirk.

Leia didn't know what to do with it, so she dropped her gaze and sipped her kaffe.

"Are you going to train today?"

Her eyes were drawn back to him. She shook her head briskly. "No. I need a break from it," she said with a tired sigh.

"That's probably a good idea."

She was certain that Yoda would be unhappy with her and she was aware that Luke still needed her help. But she kept pushing and pushing herself and it got her nowhere. Maybe a little break would do her good.

"I'm worried about Luke," she confessed quietly.

Han sighed. "Yeah, me too."

"You don't understand. Master Yoda said Luke has turned to the dark side of the Force."

Han's face scrunched in confusion. "And what exactly does that mean?"

Leia lowered both her eyes and her voice. "It means…he's become evil…like Vader and the Emperor." She looked back to Han, who stared at her in disbelief.

"No way. There is no way Luke could be evil." He sat back and crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest.

Leia grimaced. "It's true. Vader and the Emperor turned him to the dark side. I've heard the stories since I was a little girl. The dark side is very seductive. And Palpatine is very persuasive."

He shook his head. "This is crazy. You do know you're talking crazy, right? I mean, how does Yoda even know this?"

"He's a Jedi Master, Han."

His lip jutted out shortly. "Look, all right. So, the Jedi have some kinda powers. Luke showed me, so I know. But I don't believe he can see clear all the way to the other side of the galaxy."

Leia sighed in frustration. _Well, we're arguing again,_ she thought. _I guess things are getting back to normal._ "I didn't really expect you to understand." She saw his hackles raise at the comment then watched his internal struggle as he decided in which direction to take the conversation. It was almost entertaining.

He relaxed visibly. "Listen, regardless of whether Yoda's right about Luke, we still need to rescue him. And if this Jedi training isn't working out, we can always do it the old fashioned way." Now his crooked smirk was in full-force.

"It's not that easy," she replied in a very low tone.

"It never is," he drawled.

She shook her head dismissively. This conversation would get them nowhere. Han was too stubborn in his beliefs. "You said Luke showed you powers. What did he show you?"

His expression turned sheepish. "Nothing special," he muttered.

 _Typical,_ she thought. She downed the last of her kaffe.

Han gestured towards her mug. "You want more?"

"No, thank you."

"Ya hungry?"

Leia thought for a moment. She actually did feel hungry. Most days, she ate only to keep up her strength. "A little."

Han grinned. "Me too. Want an omelet?"

"You can cook?"

His grin shrunk but did not disappear. "Well, an omelet is pretty much my entire cooking repertoire. But I'm good at it." He winked.

Leia felt a smile tug at her lips. "What kind of eggs do you have?"

Han went to the cooling unit and opened the door to peer into an inner compartment. "Looks like we have sachii eggs and monatu eggs."

"Monatu eggs for me, please."

He grabbed the eggs from the cooling unit, turned and held them up to Leia. "One monatu omelet coming up, Sweetheart." He winked again.


	25. Chapter 25: Blurred Lines

Thank you once again for all the wonderful reviews! Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there :)

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 _Refuse to feel anything at all_

 _Refuse to slip_

 _Refuse to fall_

 _Simon by Lifehouse_

"Should I be seeing some kinda visions? Or speaking in tongues?"

Leia opened her eyes. Han sat, facing her on the ground, mirroring her meditation pose, eyes closed. He had asked her to show him what the meditation was all about and she was beginning to regret obliging him.

"Do you want to do this or not?" she asked sharply.

"I asked, didn't I?"

"Then stop making it into a big joke."

She watched him struggle to banish his smirk. He bit his lip for a moment and settled his visage into a more serious demeanor then took one long, deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

Leia rolled her eyes before closing them lightly. "Now, breathe deeply through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth." She began to demonstrate the breathing technique and soon she heard Han's deep, steady breaths echoing hers. "Clear your mind." She tried to make her voice as wise and soothing as Yoda's. She was certain she had the soothing part down, if not the wise aspect. "Concentrate only on the present."

"Oh no," he said in mock panic. "I forgot to get you a present."

She peeked out through one eye and saw that Han was watching her, eyes completely open. Hers opened fully and she glared at him. "You're not taking this seriously."

"How am I supposed to? We're just sitting here breathing."

"You don't get it."

"Do you?" he asked with the raise of a brow.

She glowered internally, angry at herself more than him. She raised her knees and wrapped her slim arms around them, scowling at the ground.

Han's voice was contrite. "Hey, Leia, sorry. I didn't mean anything by that. It just seems like a bunch of nonsense to me."

"It's not nonsense," she mumbled darkly, frustrated with her own inability to master even the smallest aspects of the Force.

Han stood and held a hand out to her. She ignored him and raised herself from the ground unassisted. It had been four days since she last trained with Yoda. She kept hoping she would suddenly feel some sort of readiness to return. But, every day she awoke feeling exactly the same as the day before. And every day was one more day that Luke spent in the clutches of Vader and the Emperor. It made her hate herself for her inability to overcome the obstacles in her path.

Han stepped closer to her. "Don't worry. You'll get it. You just need a little more time."

Leia snorted derisively. "Time. It's been plenty of time." Her mouth was pinched and her voice was low, her eyes lowered to the ground. "I always thought I was too strong to fall apart like this."

"You're still strong."

"Am I?" she asked caustically, eyes narrowed.

"You are. You're getting better every day and that shows just how strong you are."

She looked at him and shook her head slowly. "I don't know."

He smiled gently. "That's okay. Cause I know and I'll keep reminding you."

His words surprised her and a small warmth burst through her chest. She felt a sudden urge to hug him and thank him for being there for her no matter what. But something held her back and she wasn't certain what it was. Their eyes held for a long moment that drew out into an awkward silence. Leia dropped her gaze, cleared her throat and wandered a few steps away to kick at a moss-covered toadstool. She could feel Han's eyes still on her.

"So," he called after her. "Did you learn anything besides meditation?"

She sighed. "A little."

"Like what?" His voice was closer now.

Staring off into the distance, she tried to decide how much to tell him. He was standing beside her now. "I can feel the Force when I really concentrate."

"What does it feel like?"

She shot him a dirty look.

"No, I'm serious, I'm not trying to give you a hard time. Really. What does the Force feel like?"

Leia turned her eyes back to the trees. How to describe it? She closed her eyes and opened herself to it, becoming aware of how it flowed and swirled around everything.

"It feels…like energy," she whispered. "Energy that flows everywhere. It's all around us, between everything. And everyone." She opened her eyes and glanced at Han. He was turned towards her now and she was surprised to find his expression sober. He took a step closer to her.

"Is it between us?" he asked in a deep, low rumble.

Her gaze flew to his and her mouth opened slightly in surprise at his serious tone. His eyes had darkened and lowered. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to escape him.

"I have to go," she said quietly. She began to turn back to the ship.

Han caught her hand. "Leia…"

She allowed him to halt her retreat but did not turn back. He continued to hold her hand loosely. Her eyes closed reflexively and tears threatened.

"What do you want, Han?" she asked tiredly. "What do you want from me?"

He dropped her hand, came close behind her and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "Nothing," he answered quietly.

Her eyes opened and she smiled ironically. "Liar." Her smile faded. "You want everything." Was she trembling? Could he feel it? His thumb caressed the back of her neck and she shivered.

"I want whatever you're willing to give," he said near her ear.

She smiled again but it did not reach her eyes. "Then you weren't lying. You do want nothing." She sensed him stiffen slightly and felt both pleased and guilty at once.

"You know how I feel about you."

 _I know how you think you feel,_ she thought; but she kept the thought to herself. "You know," she said wistfully. "I wish I had slept with you on Hoth. Maybe things would be easier."

"I hate myself for leaving." His voice was heavily laden with regret.

She shrugged his hands from her shoulders and turned to face him. He wouldn't meet her eyes. "Don't. It's not your fault."

Han shook his head silently and kept his eyes on the ground, on the small space between their feet.

The ache in Leia's chest grew more intense. Would it ever go away? "Han, look at me."

His pained gaze drew slowly back to her.

She placed a light hand on his arm. "It's not your fault," she emphasized. She could see that he didn't believe her. He took a long breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"I'd do anything for it not to have happened," he said in a harsh whisper.

Tears sprang to her eyes and she offered him a small, watery smile. "I know."

"And now I've made you cry," he said dismally, taking her in his arms and holding her with a careful tenderness.

The precarious dam burst and Leia cried quietly for several minutes, embedded in his comforting embrace.

"I'm okay," she finally whispered with a delicate sniff. She pulled back and wiped away her tears.

Han's brow was wrinkled and his eyes were sadder than she had ever seen them. He took her face in his hands and they felt too warm as he gazed down at her, far too close.

An icy wall slammed down between them and Leia retreated into her emotional stronghold. "Han, I can't." she said rigidly.

His eyes plummeted downward and he took a quick step back. "I'm sorry." His voice was a hoarse whisper. "I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

Leia battled her panic and fear, taking a steadying breath. "I have to go," she said to the ground. She turned and fled for the safety of solitude.


	26. Chapter 26: Boundaries

Wow, so many great reviews! You guys are too kind :) Thank you so much!

And to the guest reviewers whom I can't reply to, thank you so much for reviewing! :)

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Reclined on the bunk in the crew quarters, Han stared at the holodrama playing above the portable holo projector. He wasn't really watching it and had seen it several times in the past. His thoughts were firmly stuck on the thoroughly botched mess he had made of things with Leia.

She had warmed to him considerably over the past few days, to the point where he had forgotten to respect the boundaries he knew she needed. It was just so hard when his heart took over for his brain.

How far had he set them back? He was afraid to find out. He tried to concentrate on the holo but his thoughts kept returning to the Princess.

He would have to give her some space. It was hard to keep his distance but he didn't want to push her any more than he already had. He had resigned himself to simple friendship, but the closer she allowed him, the more he lost himself. He couldn't help but hope for more.

This was the love that poets and philosophers went on about? It wasn't quite what they claimed. It was a whole lot of pain that he hadn't allowed himself to feel since he was a young kid. He would have been better off if he had just taken off after the Battle of Yavin. But he was too far along this path to feel any real regret.

A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. The knock was far too gentle to be Chewie. He sat up on the bunk.

"Come in!" He was aware of the way his stomach jumped when the door slid open and revealed Leia. She leaned in the doorway, looking small and forlorn.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi." He searched for words to properly apologize for his earlier behavior. She spoke before he could gather his thoughts.

"I'm sorry I ran off earlier." Her voice was low and her eyes darted away from him. She seemed to force her gaze back to him. Her hand was fidgeting at her side.

He frowned and dropped one leg to the floor. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. I crossed a line."

Her fingers furrowed together and her eyes dropped to watch them. "I may have blurred the line," she mumbled to her hands.

He smiled, finding her admission endearing. "No, I stood right on it and covered it with my big feet."

Her fingers stilled and she looked at him with a small smile.

"I'm sorry," he said soberly.

Leia looked down at her hands again and her brow knitted for just a moment before smoothing out again.

"Why does everything have to be so confusing?" she whispered.

Han wasn't sure if she was talking about the Force, the war, or him. He smirked. "I stopped asking that question a long time ago." He saw her glance at the holoprojector. "Wanna watch a holo, Princess?"

She raised an eyebrow without looking at him.

"You got anything better to do?" he asked dubiously.

She smiled with one side of her mouth. "I can't say that I do."

` He gestured at the bunk beside his. "Have a seat. It's an old one but it's pretty good."

She contemplated the invitation for a moment before leaving the doorway behind and sitting primly on the end of the bunk. The door slid shut in her wake. "What is it called?"

"Fire on the Sun. Seen it?"

She shook her head. "I haven't had a lot of time for holos," she replied wryly.

"Should I restart it? Or just catch you up?"

"You can just catch me up."

He gave her a quick rundown of what she had missed then hit play. As she asked him questions, he could see her starting to relax.

"This plot is silly," she declared.

"All right, it's not going to win any awards, but it's entertaining."

"If you say so." She looked down her nose at him in a mock haughty gesture then pushed herself back to lean against the wall at the head of the bunk. One knee raised and she hugged it with both arms.

Han smiled to himself, pleased to see her at ease. The building in the holo blew up in a spectacular ray of light.

"Now, that's just unrealistic," she said with a smile.

Han flashed her a crooked grin. "Hey, we blew up the Death Star."

She pursed her lips at him. "Touché, Solo."

He smiled whole heartedly, feeling warm and happy.

"How could he possibly make that jump?" Leia asked rhetorically.

"Maybe he's a Jedi."

Her smile was a thin line as she shook her head.

When the holo ended, Leia continued to disparage it.

"Never knew you were such a holo critic, Your Highness."

She wrinkled her nose at him and he grinned back. He turned the projector off and turned to face Leia.

"Han, what happened when you went to pay back the Hutt?"

He was taken aback by the question. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Well," he replied slowly. "As soon as I got to his palace, he threatened to feed me to the rancor then threw me in the dungeon for three weeks."

"Three weeks?!"

It occurred to Han that she had been held captive far longer than that. "Yeah. And every day his little Twi'lekk pal would come down and tell me how many days I had left to live."

"What about Chewie?"

"I left the big lug on the Falcon."

"You went in alone?"

"Yeah. He wasn't too happy about it either."

"How did you escape?"

"I didn't. I had made Jabba an offer he couldn't refuse. He finally got bored with me and accepted it."

"So your debt is settled?

"Yep." But he would gladly keep that debt if it meant erasing what Leia had gone through and taking her pain away with it.

Her expression softened and became serious. "That's wonderful, Han. No more running and looking over your shoulder."

He laughed shortly. "Yeah, now I'm just running from the Empire." _But at least my mistake won't get you killed._ He thought back to Ord Mantell then shrugged the memory off.

They sat in silence for a time, each with their own thoughts. Leia's voice broke the silence.

"I'm sorry you didn't have any family growing up. It must have been lonely."

Chagrined, Han wondered what in the hell had possessed him to tell her that. At the moment, he couldn't recall. He floundered for a response. It struck a nerve that had been dormant for over fifteen years. He shrugged and affected a casual expression, his lower lip jutting out. "No big deal." He kept his eyes on his lap.

"Well, neither of us have family now."

Her voice was low and serious and it drew Han's gaze instantly. Eyes lowered, mouth pinched, she looked infinitely sad. He tried to think of something to say but came up blank.

"I'm glad that you and Chewie found each other. I think you needed him."

Something churned deep in Han's chest and when he turned to look at Leia, she was staring at him intently. Their gazes locked and held and for a moment, he couldn't breathe. The breath he finally released was shaky. What was this woman doing to him? Turning him into some sentimental fool?

"Yeah, well…" His voice was tight and he had no idea how to end the sentence. Feeling very much out of his comfort zone, he stood. "I don't know about you, but my stomach's telling me its dinner time. C'mon." He started to offer his hand then remembered that earlier he had forgotten to keep some distance between them. Instead, he gestured to her to follow. Together, yet separate, they headed for the galley.


	27. Chapter 27: Comfort

_Can't be weak_

 _Can't stand still_

 _Watch your back_

 _Cause no one will_

 _Simon by Lifehouse_

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 _The trees were so enormous that the sky above wasn't even visible. The branches were dark and thick and nested together up as far as the eye could see. It was so dark. Leia could barely see a foot in front of her._

 _Where were her shoes? The dirt was damp under her bare feet and she couldn't remember what had happened to her shoes._

 _She needed to get back to the base. Which way was it? Why couldn't she remember?_

 _She reached in her pocket for her comlink but it wasn't there. Hadn't she put it in her pocket? Had she dropped it?_

 _She looked down at the ground but it was so dark. Where was her comlink? Wait, there it was! No…that was a rock. What had she done with her comlink? Oh, it was in her pocket! Hadn't her pocket been empty before? But here it was!_

 _She gripped it tightly and thumbed it to turn it on but it was dead. She thought it had been fully charged when she left the base. How had it died so quickly?_

 _Leia looked at her surroundings again. The trees were everywhere, they were all she could see._

 _The comm lit in her hand. It was charged! What a relief! She thumbed it on and spoke into it._

 _"_ _Organa to…" What was the code name for the base again? She couldn't remember. How had she forgotten? Alpha Base? No, that was on Torridos. Echo Base? No, that was Hoth. What base was this? Worry began to creep in. She needed to get back to the base!_

 _Luke! She could just comm Luke! She brought the comm back to her mouth but it was dead again. Blast it!_

 _What was that creaking noise? It sounded awfully close. She spun around but no, there was nothing there._

 _That creaking again! Where was it coming from? She turned in a circle but it was even darker now and she couldn't see anything. The dark, it was too much, what was out there?_

 _Something poked her hard in the back and her heart jumped, it felt like it would pound right out of her chest. A scratch on her arm and she felt blood, warm and fresh trickling down to her wrist. What was that?!_

 _She raised the comm in her hand and somehow it wasn't dead any longer and by the faint glow she saw dark branches tangling down from the treetops, jabbing at her. The ends were sharp and Leia yelped as she felt one rip through her pant leg and pierce the skin of her thigh._

 _Branches were descending now and Leia turned to run but was cut off by more sharp branches to her right. Everywhere she turned, they poked and prodded her and finally she screamed but no sound came out, there was no air in her lungs. The branches were ripping at her clothes, she could hear them tearing. She ducked away from the branches and suddenly, the moist ground grew soft and she felt her feet sinking slowly into the dirt. No!_

 _She grabbed blindly and her hand was sliced open and raw by a branch, the cut stinging sharply. She cried out in pain but now she was knee deep in the soil and every time she reached for something to keep from slipping further, the branches cut her skin. Her hands were slick with blood and she was sliding faster in the dirt, she was going to drown, she couldn't breathe…_

Leia bolted upright in her bunk, sweating and shivering, a scream frozen on her lips. Terror filled her lungs and she couldn't breathe, was drowning in fear; she could only taste the freshness of her nightmare. For a moment, she didn't know where she was and was certain she was going to suffocate.

Air entered her lungs and she sucked it in greedily, her eyes trying to recognize her surroundings. This wasn't a dark, dangerous forest, this was Han's cabin and she was safe; she was safe.

Her eyes knew this was true but her heart hammered furiously and some small part of her rejected this truth. Every nerve ending screamed danger and Leia violently slammed the glow panel and brought up the bright lights.

Nothing…there was nothing to be scared of. She was on the Falcon and it was sealed up tight. She told herself that there were no trees and there was no dirt ready to swallow her up. There were only metal and circuits and Han, Chewie, and Artoo. And she was safe; she was safe.

She needed to get out of this room, she couldn't stay here. She left the bed, heedless of the cold deck below her feet and quickly fled to the corridor. Shivering, she hugged her arms around herself.

It was too dark and quiet throughout the ship and Leia's pulse was still pounding loudly in her ears. The night cycle lights were on throughout the ship and she had to resist the urge to adjust them to day settings.

Her mouth was as dry as the Tatooine desert so she went to the galley, poured a glass of cold water and gulped it down. She couldn't shake the feeling that someone, or more accurately _something_ , was watching every move she made. Logically, she knew this was often the nature of waking up from a bad dream. But at the moment, Leia was not feeling particularly logical and danger still lurked in all corners of her mind.

Sitting on a stool, she felt very small in the cold, dim light of the galley. She couldn't calm down, couldn't make her heart or her mind stop racing. She didn't want to be alone. But how could she wake up Han, or even Chewie, and admit she was terrified of a nightmare? It sounded absurd even to her. For a moment, it occurred to her to power up Artoo. But, although the small droid was companionable, he didn't exactly inspire her to feel protected.

She would just wake Han. Maybe she would just say she couldn't sleep. It wasn't necessary to admit to the nightmare. She just knew she could not sit by herself until morning came. She would go mad.

Arms clutched protectively around herself, Leia made her way down the corridor to the crew quarters. When she reached the door, she was hesitant to startle him so suddenly. With a deep breath, she hit the door controls and scuttled inside. The door slid shut behind her and she remained just inside the doorway.

"Han," she whispered softly. When he didn't stir, she crept closer to his bunk. He lay on his side, facing her, with one arm slung over the blanket. "Han," she called, slightly louder. Still nothing. Leia sat beside him on the bunk and gazed at him.

Eyes closed, lips lightly pressed together, he looked younger in sleep. Gone were the arrogant façade and knowing smirk. He looked peaceful and she was aware, for the first time in a long while, of just how handsome he was. His scruffy hair was more tousled than usual and the faint light cast soft shadows across his features. Impulsively, she reached out a hand to stroke his cheek but thought better of it and pulled back.

She felt better, sitting beside him. The mind-numbing fear was dimming to a dull memory. Maybe she could just lie down next to him for a little while, just until she had completely calmed down. It was chilly and she longed to get under the blanket and warm up.

Moving carefully, she climbed over Han, marveling at what a deep sleeper he could be. She knew that when danger was near, he would often wake at the slightest noise. She settled herself near him, lifted the blanket and scooted under it. It felt far too intimate, so Leia turned away to face the wall. That was better. She took a deep breath and relaxed, feeling warm and almost back to normal. She doubted she would sleep anymore tonight, but at least she felt safe.


	28. Chapter 28: Resurgence

Thank you everyone for the awesome reviews :) Sorry it took so long to get back to you, as you may know, the reviews were not showing up. Here is a little Wednesday morning happiness...

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Han woke to find Leia snuggled against him. For a moment, he was certain he was dreaming. When had she gotten in bed with him? _Why_ had she gotten in bed with him?

She felt so warm and right, nestled in the crook of his arm, her chin resting on his shoulder. Her loose, dark hair was spread everywhere and it softly tickled his bare chest. He breathed in the scent; it smelled of soap and some scent that was very uniquely Leia.

Now what? What he wanted, more than anything, was to turn, face her and slowly wake her with a number of well-placed kisses. It took all his willpower to refrain from doing just that.

With a mental sigh, he dismissed the thought. In spite of her presence in his bunk, he knew she would be deeply upset if he were to touch her in any intimate way. But, she was very difficult to resist.

With that thought, he crept gingerly from the bed, slowly retrieving his arm from beneath her. It would probably be best if she didn't have to deal with the implied intimacy when she woke up. He watched as she stirred, eyes still closed, and turned on her side, away from where he stood. With a sigh, he left the cabin, feeling as if a small part of him remained there with the Princess.

In the galley, Han prepared enough kaffe for all three passengers residing on the Falcon. Waiting for the machine to cycle, he thought about everything that had happened the previous day.

Lately, everyday felt more tumultuous than a trip through the Kessel Run. He never knew how fast things would move or what was coming at him next; he simply held on and tried not to lose control.

He knew it wasn't Leia's fault. It was a by-product of everything she had been through. But the range and intensity of emotions were exhausting.

The kaffe machine beeped and he grabbed a mug and poured, leaving the machine on heat. He longed to sit in the cockpit and stare at the soothing vastness of space. He hadn't been grounded for so long since he was a kid on Corellia, dreaming of whisking through the galaxy on a frenzy of adventure.

Heavy footsteps plodded behind him and Han didn't need to turn to know it was Chewbacca.

"Mornin'. You're up early."

Chewie grumbled a response as he grabbed his big, Wookiee-sized mug and filled it to the brim. He mumbled a complaint about Han getting him hooked on the stuff.

"Woulda happened sooner or later." He could tell his copilot was unusually grumpy. He could hardly blame him.

They were silent for a long time until Chewbacca observed the improvement in Han's relations with Leia.

"Yeah," he agreed simply.

Chewie asked why Solo didn't seem happier about this latest development.

Han kept his eyes straight ahead and his mouth contorted in a sour expression. "It's complicated."

The Wookiee growled encouragingly.

"Wish it was that easy," he sighed then turned to face his friend. "Tell me about what happened with this Yoda way back when."

Chewie cocked his head and shrugged. He began telling Han of what Kashyyyk was like before the Empire, during the time of the Old Republic, when Wookiees were free from slavery.

Han became lost in the story and when Chewie got to part when the Clone Troopers turned on the Jedi, Han was stunned.

"I can't believe in all these years you never told me any of this."

Chewie shrugged and barked.

As Han gestured for his companion to continue, Leia quietly stepped into the doorway, hands toying with her hair self-consciously.

"Hey, good morning," Han said casually. Chewie echoed the greeting.

Leia graced each of them in turn with a small smile. "Good morning." She moved reluctantly to the kaffe machine and grabbed the mug Han had left out for her.

He restrained himself from jumping up and pouring her kaffe. He didn't want to make a big deal out of the night before and felt it might be best if he kept his distance this morning. His eyes remained on her the entire time.

Mug in hand, she turned back to the counter and pulled out a third stool, hopping up to sit.

"Chewie was just telling me about the Jedi Purge."

Leia's lips arced around the rim of the cup. She swallowed and shook her head sadly. "My father told me all about it. Such a travesty. It happened right before I was born."

Han was surprised when Chewie asked him not to tell Leia about his connection to Yoda. He frowned momentarily then covered it by adding, "I was just a kid when it happened."

Chewbacca stood and excused himself, taking his giant mug with him.

Leia watched him go then turned back to Han. "How old were you?"

"I don't even remember."

"What do you remember?"

Han thought back. He didn't remember much. "Just a lot of people being all worried about what was going to happen to the galaxy without the Jedi." He shrugged. "Didn't mean much to me at the time." It still didn't, but he kept that thought to himself.

Leia seemed lost in her head before she spoke again. "My father saw smoke at the Jedi Temple. He went to see what had happened. He was turned away by Clone Troopers. But before he left, he saw them kill a young Jedi learner. No more than twelve-years-old."

It was a sad story, but Han had seen plenty of sad things in his life.

"That was when the Rebellion's seed was planted." The sorrow in her eyes was replaced with a familiar flicker of determination. It was a sight for sore eyes.

After a moment of silence, Leia turned towards him and cleared her throat. "I hope you're not…" She searched her thoughts for a moment, eyes lowered. "Upset. About this morning." She returned to look him in the eyes.

Han bit the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. Upset? About waking up to a beautiful woman in his bed? He forced a casual expression. "No, of course not." More gently, he asked, "Did you have a nightmare?"

She nodded, avoiding his gaze again.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head quickly and returned to drinking her kaffe. Han downed the last of his and stepped down from the stool.

"I'm gonna go catch a shower." As he turned to leave, Leia caught his hand and tugged him back to face her. She slipped from the stool, still loosely gripping his hand.

"Can we talk?" Her eyes were large and luminous as they gazed up at him with an uncharacteristically innocent expression.

Startled, he nodded. "Sure."

She hesitated, her gaze level with his chest. He was very aware that his hand was still in hers. When she looked at him again, her mouth opened for a second before she spoke.

"I still care about you," she said earnestly.

He didn't miss a beat. "I know."

Her eyebrows shot up and he flashed a boyish grin. Her eyes berated him while the corners of her mouth curved up in amusement. Letting his hand drop from hers, she took a few steps closer to him and placed both hands on either side of his face. Han felt his smile fade and dim to match her suddenly solemn expression. He remained still, unaware he had stopped breathing.

Very slowly, Leia pulled his face down close to hers. Their lips touched and held but they both remained still, unmoving. It was as chaste a kiss as one might give a relative but Han's heart was hammering, battering his rib cage.

She let go of him just as suddenly but his senses were still swimming in the moment and he remained tilted forward, eyes closed, mouth still. He opened his eyes and remembered to breathe.

Lashes lowered darkly, Han stared at her for a long, contented moment where nothing else existed. They bathed in the current of emotion that swirled between them.

He didn't know what it meant. Just then, he didn't need to. His head tilted and his smile was pure pleasure. She smiled back and Han thought that it might just be the first real smile he had seen on her face since Hoth.

Without a word, he turned and sauntered to the refresher, taking one last, long glance at Leia before he was gone.


	29. Chapter 29: Back on Track

Another step forward for Leia...this chapter is a bit short, but the next one will be longer. Thank you all for the reviews and support!

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Leia found Han removing wires from a wall panel in the circuitry bay. She paused halfway down the corridor, watching him. Too many feelings cluttered through her at the sight of him, the most predominant of them pleasantly fluttering around the tiny knot in her stomach.

Waking up in the crew quarters alone, Leia had felt a sense of disappointment when she realized Han wasn't there. And it hit her in an instant that she felt lighter. The dark shadow that had been pervading her soul felt less oppressive somehow.

Lying in the bunk, she realized how much solace she had found with Han. It had felt so natural to seek him out after her nightmare. The comfort his presence offered had surprisingly lulled her back into a dreamless sleep.

Bubbling beneath the surface were feelings she had thought long gone. Had they disappeared, or had they merely been entombed in a haze of fear and rage? Now, she couldn't deny that something had been stirred within her. And that something was beckoning her from darkness into the light.

She watched the deft movements of Han's hands as he untangled wires. She needed him. She needed what he did for her soul.

When he glanced up and caught her watching, a smile flared across his features. He dropped the wires and leaned from the doorway.

"Hey!" he called boisterously.

"Hi." She met him just outside the circuitry bay. His smile was so genuine, it warmed Leia's heart just a little and the knot in her stomach loosened a bit more. "I think I'm going to go train today."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "That's great! You want me to walk you there?"

She smiled but shook her head. "No, that's okay."

Han leaned and rested his shoulder on the doorway. "I'm glad you're feeling up to it."

"Me too." Impulsively, she sprang to her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

The responding grin overtook his face. Leia placed a hand on his arm and gently squeezed before turning away and gliding through the corridor to exit the ship. An airy feeling pervaded her chest.

Wading through the persistent fog, Leia reached out to the world around her, feeling that mysterious buzz of energy a bit more steadily than she had since their arrival on Dagobah. And somehow, she was more aware of the life teeming around her. She could sense the life-force of the snakes underfoot, the lizards climbing through the foliage, and the flying creatures above the trees. She reached out further with her senses…and there…she thought that perhaps that one life-force she sensed…that just might be Han. It felt like who Han was. It was so strange to feel his presence out there; special somehow that she could reach out to him in such a way.

It had been both pleasant and strange to kiss him. Familiar, yet not. She hadn't been sure what to expect. The idea of intimacy of any kind had turned her stomach until yesterday. Even now, her mind could not imagine more than that simple, subdued kiss. But she had wanted to kiss him, had wanted some form of closeness that was difficult to define. Her thoughts had not progressed beyond that.

His reaction had warmed her further. For a man that had often seemed very complicated in the past, he could be quite easy to please.

At the narrow path that led to Yoda's hut, Leia began to feel uneasy. She had disappeared without a word. What if he turned her away? What if he still deemed her unready?

At the end of the path, just in view of the hut, she stopped dead. Master Yoda stood, cane beneath his hands, chin raised. His expression was inscrutable. When he did not speak or move, Leia addressed him.

"I'm sorry I haven't been back," she said slowly. "I needed some time." He remained silent and her nerves churned. "I think I'm in a better place now." Caught in the grip of his gaze, she faltered.

After a long silence, he began to slowly turn away. Leia's stomach dipped in disappointment.

After a few slow steps, Master Yoda called to her quietly. "Come."

Leia drew up in relief and pride and trailed after him.


	30. Chapter 30: Reminder

Things have taken a turn for the better, but Han and Leia are not out of the woods...er, swamp just yet. Thank you all!

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 _You don't know why they had to go this far_

 _Traded your worth for these scars_

 _For your only company_

 _\- Simon by Lifehouse_

 _###_

Sporting a gray rain poncho, Han felt as if he might disappear into his surroundings. His boots squished into the mud with each heavy step and his mood was as dark as the sky spilling over him.

He was worried about Leia. She always returned from training before dark and the rainstorm had him especially concerned. She knew to look out for sinksand, but what if she had misjudged? And they couldn't be certain about unknown predators. She always carried her blaster and he knew she could hold her own, but…what if?

The coil residing in his stomach tightened. He held the glow beam higher as he peered ahead, hoping he was still going the right way. The whole damn planet looked the same in the dark.

Through the trees, he thought he saw what might be a tiny, dim light up ahead. He stepped quickly up onto the large root of a tree, slipped and almost fell face-first into the mud. He growled audibly.

As he got closer, Han was certain it was a light, and it could only be Yoda. The nearer he drew to the source, the more his apprehension grew.

The glow of his beam revealed Yoda's hut ahead and Han was both relieved and anxious. What if Leia wasn't there? The light emanating from the small dwelling was sufficient for his purpose. He turned off the beam and tucked it into his belt. He could see flickers of movement through the small arch of the doorway.

He heard nothing over the rain pouring past his ears and when he reached the hut, he leaned down to peer into a very small, round window. He folded back the rim of his hood and raindrops spattered his nose. Relief flooded him when he spied the back of Leia's head. He breathed out through his mouth and the pit of his stomach uncoiled.

The angle at which Leia was seated on the floor made it difficult to see. As he watched, his breath caught when something whizzed in a blur directly at her head. Before he could think to shout out a warning, her hand came up and the object, which Han could now see was the lid from a pot, halted in mid-air. Mystified, he watched in wonder as she gracefully lowered her hand and the pot lid descended to the floor in time with her movement.

Han's mouth fell open and he stared dumbly. Faintly, over the roar of the rain, he heard Yoda's coarse voice.

"Very good. Learning well you are." He paused. "Here to fetch you someone is."

Han stood, suddenly feeling less like a concerned party and more like an intruder. He took a few steps back and rocked slightly on his heels.

Leia's head popped from the small entryway, her expression sheepish.

"It's late, I know. Sorry."

Han said nothing. He removed the spare rain poncho from his belt and handed it to her. She took it and disappeared inside again. He could just hear her voice speaking to Yoda but could not make out her words. He took out his glow beam and reignited it.

Bent low, Leia climbed from the archway, wearing the poncho. She squinted up at Han through the rain. "I lost track of time," she said loudly over the downpour.

So many emotions coursed through Han, he couldn't pin one down to express it. He forged ahead, holding up the beam, and Leia followed.

Halfway back to the Falcon, he heard her voice. "You're mad at me? You're seriously mad at me?"

He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was.

"So, you're just not going to speak to me?" she asked in disbelief.

Han halted so suddenly that Leia pummeled into his back. He swerved to face her. "Why didn't you take your comlink?" he asked in a strident tone.

Her face scrunched and Han wasn't sure if she was reacting to him or the raindrops that softly pelted her nose and cheeks. "I forgot," she replied defensively.

A rough breath exploded from his lips and he did an about face, continuing his impudent stride. They went the rest of the way in silence and Han only paused when they reached a huge, fallen log that they had no choice but to climb over; the water had risen to flood the path on either side. He offered his hand to help her up but she stepped past him as if he weren't there and began to clamber over it. Her foot slipped and he caught her by the waist as she slid down with a grunt. He used his shoulder to boost her higher and she made it over to the other side before he followed.

In sight of the Falcon, Leia abruptly curled a hand on Han's bicep and, with surprising strength, yanked him to face her. The rain had slowed to a drizzle.

"Would you stop this?" She sounded exasperated. "Why are you so angry?"

His jaw tightened. "It's dark, it's raining, you don't know what could happen to you out there alone."

She laughed mockingly. "I've made it through far worse than this swamp."

"It only takes one slip-up to kill a person," he said harshly.

"I'm not as helpless as you seem to think I am," she countered hotly.

"Don't you get it?" he yelled, gripping her by the upper arms. "I can't lose you!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Han saw the way she had shrunk back, shoulders high as she seemed to retreat inside herself. Her eyes were wide and he realized he was shaking her and stopped immediately, hands falling slackly to his sides. He raised his hands in defense.

"I'm sorry." His anger instantly deflated.

He saw her struggle for a breath then nod and avert her eyes. He started to reach a gentle hand towards her then drew back, mentally cursing himself. She moved past him, entered the boarding code, and when the ramp lowered, she ascended without a word.

Han ran a frustrated hand past his face. The entire walk to search for her, he had tried to convince himself that he was worrying for nothing. But, after almost losing her once, he couldn't take the thought of anything happening to her. He hadn't realized just how tightly he was wound up.

Before returning to Tatooine, Han's sole purpose had been to save enough money to pay off his debt. Now that the debt no longer haunted him, what was his purpose? Since his dishonarable discharge from the Imperial Navy, he had been content smuggling just to scrape by, in the hopes that one day, he'd make a big pay off and would no longer have to live so hand-to-mouth.

With a sudden sinking feeling that was as frightening as slowly slipping into sinksand, he realized that Leia had become his purpose. And now, he was terrified of losing her. What would he have left without her?

He had failed to protect her on Hoth. If he hadn't been able to rescue her…he couldn't imagine it.

The thought scared the hell out of him. He had never wanted anyone to matter that much. It was too much to lose. He had lived by the philosophy that if nothing mattered, it wouldn't hurt if you lost it.

He was furious with himself for putting his hands on her. He hadn't meant to be threatening and he knew that realistically, Leia was confident that he would never harm her. But he also knew that right now, Leia's gut reactions were not always logical. She was still existing in a fragile, reactionary state that could be triggered by anything. He almost always remembered to be careful with her but the scare had banished that awareness from him.

Berating himself, he treaded up the ramp and the cool air of the ship hit and splintered a chill through him. He stalked to the crew quarters, yanked off his poncho and boots then slid the wet socks from his feet. He sat for a moment, eyes closed, rubbing his temples.

He needed to see Leia and apologize. He felt like the lowest scum in the galaxy. Apologies were not his strong suit. The proper words usually eluded him.

He changed into a warmer shirt then left to search for her. The fresher door was closed and he could hear the shower running. With a sigh, he headed for the galley. A cup of kaffe would warm them both from the pervasive chill of the rainstorm.

Once he was sitting with his cup, his thoughts homed in on Leia. He always seemed to be bungling things up in some way. A cloud of anxiety filled his chest and he failed to get it under control.

After finishing his kaffe, Han grabbed Leia's cup and passed by the refresher again. The door stood open and he could no longer stall.

At the door to his cabin, he knocked lightly. After a moment, the door slid open to reveal Leia wearing his long, white shirt. Her endlessly long hair hung wet down her back and a towel was in her hand. She looked tired.

He held up the mug. "Thought this might warm you up."

She took the mug wordlessly and placed it on the desk then turned back to him.

Han ran a self-conscious hand through his hair. "I'm really sorry, Leia. I shouldn't have grabbed you like that. I wasn't thinking."

She sighed wearily. "It's all right." With a flip of her hands, she ran the towel over her long tresses. She folded the towel and placed it neatly on the bed. "I'm getting rather tired of myself, too."

He frowned. "Whadda you mean?"

She sat heavily on the end of the bed. "I mean, I don't blame you. You're just being you. It can't be fun or easy to tip-toe around me all the time."

He was at a loss for how to respond.

"And _I'm_ even tired of my own overreactions," she added. "You didn't do anything wrong. It was just a reminder that I'm still not okay."

So many feelings richocheted through Han, he couldn't even identify how her words made him feel. "You're okay," he reassured her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and sputtered a breath. "Han, if I were okay, we would be lovers by now."

Her words astonished him. He realized his expression had betrayed him when a small, ironic smile graced her lips. She tipped her head thoughtfully.

"Don't you think about it?" she asked.

He recovered his senses. "Sweetheart, I thought about it on the way to Yavin."

She rolled her eyes and suppressed a smirk; her expression grew earnest. "I think about it. About how that night on Hoth felt. How I felt closer to you than I'd ever felt to anyone."

Warmth flooded every part of him. He didn't know what to say; he wanted to keep the moment and guard it closely. The desire to sit next to her on the bed tempted him but he knew it would be a mistake.

Her eyes lowered to the floor. "More and more, I forget what happened to me. Then something will bring me back and it's as if it just happened." Her expression grew sad. "I don't want to be like this anymore."

It made Han feel awful that his actions had done that to her. His chest was heavy with sorrow. He took a tentative step towards her, extended a hopeful hand, and waited, perfectly willing to accept rejection.

She stared forlornly at his outstretched hand for a moment, as if she hadn't the slightest clue what to do with it. When she stood and took his hand, Han's heart bouyed. They looked at each other in silence before she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his torso. He closed his arms around her protectively, wishing he could fix every wrong done to her. Her head rested on his chest and he wondered who was comforting whom. He bent his cheek against her hair.

"Han," she whispered from beneath his chin.

"Yeah?"

Her words came slowly. "What if I can't?"

It took him a moment to decipher her meaning. He was surprised to realize she was talking about sex. "I can wait." He had waited this long.

She let out a loud breath. "No, I mean…what if I never can?"

He was taken aback by the question. It had never occurred to him and it seemed unlikely that Leia would abstain from sex for the rest of her life. "I don't know," he answered slowly. "I mean…what are we to each other?" She felt so good in his arms; like she belonged there.

"That's a good question," she observed with a hint of humor.

"Well, when we figure that out, we can worry about it then."

"That sounds good."

Han just breathed, feeling more content than he could ever remember feeling.

Leia finally slipped from his embrace and stepped back.

"You must be hungry," Han said.

"No. I ate right before you came for me."

His lip turned up in consternation. "What'd you eat? Snake soup?"

She smiled mirthlessly. "Close enough."

Han wanted no further details. "All right. Well, get some rest." He ached to kiss her but kept his distance. As he turned to go, her voice called him back.

"Wait."

Half-facing her, he waited.

Her posture shifted awkwardly. "Would you mind…" Her fingers twirled strands of thick, dark hair. "Staying?" she finished weakly.

His eyebrows rose in an unspoken question.

Leia lowered her hands to her sides. "I haven't really slept in three days. I—"

"Sure." Han spared her the pain of finishing her thought.

Her smile was grateful but her eyes were embarrassed. "Thank you," she said quietly. Hands clasped, she went to the bunk and got under the covers.

Han watched all her nervous gestures that had become familiar in recent months. He walked to the other side of the bunk and laid down on top of the blanket. As always, he waited for her to initiate any physical conact. She hit the glow panel and Han's eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness.

He shifted in the heavy silence, attempting to get comfortable amidst the discomfort. After a few restless minutes, Leia drifted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Han remained still in spite of the crescendo inside him.

"Is this okay?" she asked softly.

He thought to say that okay was an understatement but second-guessed himself. "Yes, it's fine," he said instead. He wanted to put his arm around her but was fearful of her reaction. Emotion swelled within him and he gently kissed the top of her head in a harmless, heartfelt gesture.

She placed a light hand on his chest and he smiled to himself. Their conversation began to replay in his mind. He was surprised that she thought about them being together. He had thought himself alone in those thoughts.

It was difficult, being close to her all the time yet unable to express his feelings physically. He kept waiting and hoping for her to make the first move and it felt as if he had been waiting an eternity already. The impulse to kiss her, hold her, touch her felt like the most natural thing in the galaxy. Restraining his instincts proved to be a constant struggle.

Leia's breathing had grown steady against him. He kissed her head again and set out to wait until she was in a deeper sleep to sneak out and return to the crew quarters. Before long, his breathing had slowed in time with hers.


	31. Chapter 31: Melted

Happy posting Sunday! Thank you, as always, for all the love! I have a feeling you guys will enjoy this chapter ;) Hope you're having a wonderful weekend! :)

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Leia was beginning to feel confident in her ability to control the Force. Finally. Master Yoda said little, but appeared to be pleased with her progress as well. At the very least, he did not seem displeased.

"Have something for you I do," he said soberly before entering his hut. Leia stood outside, breathing heavily from their latest exercises. When Yoda returned, he held out his hand to her.

A lightsaber. Leia stood taller, feeling awed and honored. Eyes wide, she looked to him and found a small smile on his lips. Reverently, she took the lightsaber from his outstretched hand, feeling vastly unworthy. It felt cool and surreal clasped in her hand. Her eyes appraised it in wonder and when she turned it on, it ignited with a snap-hiss that was startlingly loud in the silence. The bright green blade glowed radiantly.

The blade was shorter than Luke's blue one. She took a few practice swipes, the sound of the movements echoing loudly. It was difficult to get use to it. The weight of the weapon was entirely in the hilt. The blade weighed nothing.

"Allow the Force to guide your movements you must," Master Yoda said solemnly. "An extension of your own body the lightsaber becomes. At peace you must be."

Leia opened herself to the Force and felt it flowing through her. She began to move the lightsaber in horizontal and diagonal swipes and she could feel that connection between herself and the weapon.

Leia practiced wielding the lightsaber for the rest of the afternoon. Yoda's random exclamations of, "Good!" helped boost her confidence. As sundown neared, small rocks began to raise from the ground and fly in Leia's direction. Her ability to parry these attacks increased, until finally, she warded off several at once. At the last of these onslaughts, a loud clapping intruded. Leia looked up to find Han, with a big grin on his face.

"I'm impressed!" he called.

Ever since the night they had walked back in the rain, Han had appeared at sundown to escort her to the Falcon. At first it had irritated her. She still insisted that she could take care of herself. Now, she had grown to enjoy the company.

She smiled at him, head bent, feeling a bit abashed.

Han waved at Master Yoda. "Hey, Yoda."

Chagrined, Leia glanced at Yoda. Han's casual demeanor with him seemed disrespectful. But, she knew telling him that would only make him behave in an even worse manner.

To his credit, Yoda never batted an eye. "Captain Solo."

Leia looked to Yoda to be dismissed. He nodded to her and she smiled. She examined the small clip at the base of the hilt, then attached it to her makeshift belt.

"I will see you in the morning," she told Yoda. "Good night."

"Good night, young Jedi Learner."

He had not called her that before and it made Leia feel as if she must be making good progress. She walked to Han and, side by side, they began the journey back to the Falcon.

"I gotta say," Han drawled. "You look a lot hotter than Luke with that lightsaber."

She stifled a laugh. "I didn't know you spent so much time assessing how hot Luke is."

He grinned. "Well, Luke's a bit tall to be my type. And I prefer brunettes over blonds."

She found she couldn't stop smiling. "So, let me get this straight. You like short brunettes. Is that right?"

Han climbed over a large scramble of rocks then offered his hand to her. She took it and allowed him to help her down.

"That's right. Know where I can find a girl like that?"

"You can't find one on your own?"

"There is this one…" He sighed dramatically. "But, I'm not sure if she likes me." His eyes twinkled flecks of green.

Laughter bubbled in her chest. "Have you asked her?"

He shifted his lips to one side. "Not yet. You think I should?"

It hit her suddenly that she felt happy. Genuinely happy. She gave him a sideways glance, her lips curled upwards. "I think maybe you should."

His responding look made Leia's heart skip a few beats. It occurred to her to wonder what she was doing. She pushed the thought aside; she felt too good. The ground before them had evened out and Leia stepped closer to Han and took his hand in hers. He squeezed, gently but firmly. They didn't look at each other, just walked in silence.

As they neared the boarding ramp, Han spoke. "Chewie cooked."

She smiled up at him. "Real food for a change? What a treat."

Hands still clasped, they boarded the Falcon and Leia turned to him.

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll see you at dinner?"

Han nodded with serious eyes. She moved past him and their hands lingered together, palms grazing softly as they parted, fingertips brushing intimately then releasing.

In the refresher, Leia looked at herself in the reflector. There was something diferent about her that she couldn't quite discern. Maybe it was only that she felt different. She looked down at her arms and could see the defintion of her muscles from the physical exercises that she performed.

She unclipped the lightsaber from her belt and placed it aside before disrobing and showering. Once clean, she wrapped herself in a towel and made her way to Han's cabin. After changing into his very long, white shirt and donning some socks, Leia brushed out her hair and headed to the galley.

Chewie greeted her boisterously from his spot at the counter where he was ladling food onto a plate.

"It smells delicious, Chewie."

He growled a question.

"Very well, thank you."

He barked approval then turned and handed Leia two plates, asking her to bring them to the crew lounge.

"Of course." She took her and Han's plates, leaving Chewie to fill his own. Upon entering the lounge, Han, who was seated at the game table, glanced up at her. She noticed the way his eyes lit up at the sight of her and she felt a rush of pleasure. She returned his smile and placed a plate before him. His eyes remained on her as she sat down beside him. Trying to ignore the nervous flutter in her chest, she gestured towards the plates.

"What is this we're about to eat? It smells good."

His eyes moved to his plate. "Childon stew. Have you had it before?"

Leia shook her head then reached over, picked up the Corellian ale to Han's left, and took a quick sip, rather enjoying the intimacy of the gesture. She replaced it beside him and saw he was grinning at her.

"You want one?" he asked, still grinning.

"You don't want to share yours?" She watched him suppress a laugh.

"I'll share anything with you, Sweetheart." In a quick motion, he moved his ale to sit between them on the table.

Chewbacca lumbered into the lounge, carrying his own plate, which was piled high with stew. An ale was in his other hand. He joined them at the table and roared with enthusiasm, always happy to eat.

Han rasied his ale in one hand. "Here's to a good meal. Cheers." Chewie grunted agreement and they each took a sip from their bottles. Han quickly passed his to Leia, who grinned and sipped before replacing it between them on the table.

Leia took a bite of the Childon meat and found it to be very tasty. The mild spices blended perfectly and the meat was tender. "This is really good."

The Wookiee thanked her and continued shoveling stew into his toothy mouth.

They ate in silence for a time until Han informed Chewbacca, "Leia got a lightsaber today."

She glanced from Han's crooked grin to Chewie's widened blue eyes.

He emitted a soft, congratulatory roar.

"Thank you," she said quietly, feeling infinitely pleased that Han seemed to be proud of her.

Chewie growled more extensively and Leia looked to Han to translate.

He gulped down some ale. "He said who woulda thought our little Princess would be a Jedi Knight."

She gave Chewie a wry look. "Certainly not me." The Wookiee's age suddenly occurred to her. "You must have a lot more memories of the Jedi than Han does."

He barked confirmation.

"Did you ever meet a Jedi?"

It was sometimes difficult for her to read Chewie's expressions but she thought she detected some reluctance in his eyes when he grunted an answer.

Han spoke quietly from beside her. "He said a few."

Sensing some discomfort, Leia decided to drop the subject. "Where did you learn to cook?"

His long explanation left Leia frustrated with how little she could understand of Chewie's langauge.

"The short version is that back home if you don't cook, you don't eat," Han explained.

Leia imagined for a moment how different life on Kashyyyk must be, compared to what life on Alderaan or even Corellia was. She looked at Chewie thoughtfully. "When you were growing up on Kashyyyk, I bet you never imagined you'd end up with the Rebellion." After the words left her mouth, she waited for Han's consistent argument that they were not 'with the Rebellion,' but it never came.

Chewie rumbled a response before Han cut in.

"I don't think anyone's life ends up how they expect it to."

She couldn't disagree. "Where did you think you would be at this point in your life, Han?"

He looked up, chewing with a pensive expression. "I dunno. I guess I thought I'd be an officer in the Imperial Navy by now." He grimaced at the thought then shook his head in wonder. "Damn, I was a dumb kid."

"You were't dumb. You didn't know what the Empire really was."

He shrugged self-consciously then gestured his chin in her direction. "What about you? What'd you figure you'd be doing at the ripe-old-age of twenty-two?"

She hurled a dirty look at him before answering. "I assumed I would still be in the Senate, secretly working for the Alliance." A familiar sadness flew through her. "It never occurred to me there would be no Senate." _Or no Alderaan_ , she finished silently.

Having been unsuccessful at masking her pain, she felt Han's hand close over hers. She aimed a slight smile in his direction before he released her hand. He held out the ale to her and she took a sip.

"I guess you're right," she told Han.

He dropped his fork and leaned towards her. "What was that?" He made a show of placing a hand near his ear, as if to hear better. "Say that again, I don't hear that enough from you."

She gave him a playful shove as Chewie laughed roughly. Sitting back, she watched Han, mavelling at how different he was from her initial impression of him. Of course, he had done everything he could to push his mercenary reputation. But, in the end, he was one of the kindest, most caring men she had ever known. He just hid it behind a mass of swaggering indifference.

He had risked everything to rescue her from Coruscant. Now, he was spending months on this backwater planet, with nothing to do but wait for her to finish her training. He had been so patient during the first few weeks when all she could manage were coldness and anger in response to anything he offered her.

Had he meant it when he professed to love her? She hadn't been the least bit lovable at the time. Things between them were moving at an almost stagnant pace, and yet Han was so understanding, never pressuring her. Her heart had melted in spite of her considerable resistance.

When they were done eating, Han told Chewie they would clean up since the Wookiee had cooked. He roared with pleasure and sat back. Leia helped Han clear the table and bring everything to the galley.

As Han placed the dishes in the recycler, Leia watched him, somewhat awed by the feelings that murmured through her in a quiet fervor. She stepped close to him.

"Han?" she called quietly.

"Yeah?" He placed the last item in the recylcler and closed the compartment. As he moved to turn it on, she whispered in a soft voice filled with longing.

"Kiss me."

His head whipped to face her, mouth dangling open.

She stared up at him earnestly, finding his expression endearing. Surprise slowly faded and his eyes darkened to a serious brown as his lashes lowered. He turned to face her slowly, eyes fixed on hers. One hand gently curved at the side of her neck, his thumb grazing her cheek. As he drew nearer, the only sound was her pulse throbbing.

Her eyes fell closed when his lips brushed gently against hers and all she was aware of were the soft movements of Han's mouth. Without conscious decision, her hand wound into the hair at the back of his neck and he kissed her more firmly. She could feel his tightly controlled passion and sense how careful he remained with her and it melted her.

Slowly, Han drew back just enough to gaze into her eyes, seeming to appraise her reaction. The effusive emotions that welled within her constricted her throat, overwhelming her and suddenly, she knew her feelings, couldn't rememeber why she had ever questioned them.

"I love you," she whispered.

His eyes softened with emotion. To Leia, he had never looked so handsome as in that moment. He closed his eyes briefly, a tiny smile tugging his lips. His eyes opened and the smile grew to a beaming grin. He took her face in his hands and kissed her soundly, with a loud smacking sound.


	32. Chapter 32: A Jedi Must Remain Calm

I am so happy you guys enjoyed the last chapter! We are winding down now...8 chapters left after this. All will be resolved soon, all questions answered :)

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Sitting on a downed log, Han watched Leia practice her lightsaber skills, Yoda quietly instructing her. It was quite amazing to watch this tiny woman wield this elite laser sword. But, he couldn't deny that Leia had always been exceptional.

The events of the past few months roiled through his mind. It had been so hard dealing with Leia's anger and rejection; he was grateful they had come out the other side of it.

Nothing had ever felt as good as hearing Leia's words: _I love you._ She had softened considerably towards him, but he had still been stunned by her admission. Afterwards, when she had confessed that she still wasn't ready to be more physically intimate with him, it had hardly mattered. They had come this far, they would get there eventually. She loved him and that was the best feeling in the galaxy.

He looked at Yoda, standing still and quiet while he used the Force to hurl things in Leia's path. She parried, dodged, and sliced them to the ground in succession.

It was hard to believe that tiny little guy was a powerful Jedi Master. He looked so frail and harmless, hobbling with his cane. Then again, so many things had surprised him these days, he probably shouldn't question it.

Leia didn't exactly look menacing either, but he knew she had always been very much able to hold her own. He smiled in memory of her taking out that Twi'lek in the waterskimmer on Ord Mantell. Now, she had an entire new set of skills with which to defend herself. Had he not seen her use the Force with his own eyes, he would have scoffed. Just as he had always scoffed at Luke. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been completely wrong.

As he watched, Leia jumped six feet in the air and landed on a tree branch. Han's jaw hung open in amazement. She bounded off, spun in the air, and landed on her feet, sweating, her breath only slightly ragged. She leaned over, hands on her knees, and smiled at him. He was too stunned to smile back.

Yoda was speaking to her and Leia turned to him. Han couldn't even register their conversation. He continually saw more and more of her new Jedi skills. They were unnerving, to say the least.

She was becoming powerful beyond physical strength. It was a bit humbling. Han had spent over three years protecting her, often against her consierable will. Now, she had this power that seemed to render him unneccessary. It made him feel a little smaller.

"Captain Solo."

The sound of Yoda calling his name yanked his attention from his thoughts.

"Come." The Jedi Master beckoned him closer.

Han stood and joined them, feeling absurdly tall and strangely out-of-place.

Yoda's neck craned to look at Han and he wondered if he should bend down.

"Requesting your assistance in training I am."

Was Han imagining it? Or was there a twinkle in the Jedi's eye? "Uh, sure." He shrugged, feeling a bit puzzled.

Yoda gestured toward Han's holster. "Your weapon. Challenge Leia's lightsaber you will."

Han's brow gathered low over his eyes in confusion. When understanding dawned, shocked outrage hit him. "Are you crazy?" he exclaimed, standing to his full height. "I'm not gonna shoot at Leia!" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Set for stun you can," Yoda replied calmly.

"I'm not stunning her either," he growled.

"Han," Leia called quietly. "It's okay. I'll be fine."

"Come to harm she shall not," Yoda assured.

"I'm not doing it!"

Leia stepped forward. "Han, can we talk privately?"

He glared at her. "We can. But I'm not changing my mind." He stalked after her until they were obscured by a wall of trees. When she reached her hands towards him, he took them, but his expression remained hard.

"Han?"

"Leia?"

Her eyelids lowered but her lips arced to a slight smile. "I love you," she said gently.

His eyes squinted suspiciously and his reply was gruff. "I love you, too."

"Please, will you do this for me? It will be okay."

He dropped her hands and placed his on his hips, his voice no-nonsense. "I'm not shooting you."

"You wouldn't be shooting at me. You would be shooting at my lightsaber."

Did she think he was stupid? "It's the same thing."

"It's really not." She took a step closer to him and gazed up at him with soft eyes, placing her hands on his upper arms.

Han's jaw ground tightly. Her little game would not work on him. Women had been playing at this cloying, little distraction since the beginning of time. He stood taller and stared down at her.

"Han, I really need to practice against a live opponent."

"So, have Yoda shoot you!" He gestured wildly behind him. What was he saying? He didn't want anyone shooting her!

The gentle pleading fell away and her posture stiffened. "Okay." She held a hand out to him. "Can I have your blaster, please?"

His head pulled back in a quick movement. "No," he practically sputtered. "Tell the little green guy to get his own!"

Leia sighed with obviously waning patience. "Would you be reasonable?" More quietly, she muttered, "I'll have to ask Chewie."

"If you think I'm gonna let Chewie do it, you're crazy! I'm done with this conversation!" He stomped away from her and headed back to the Falcon. By the time he reached the ship, his fire had dimmed but not gone out. When Chewbacca asked him what was wrong, he bellowed at him that he didn't want to talk about it.

He did what he always did when he was angry or frustrated; he worked on his ship. Fortunately, the Millennium Falcon rarely had a shortage of things that needed to be fixed or modified.

Sitting at the engineering station, Han attempted to rig the electromagnetic discharge filter to function automatically, without the need for manual adjustments.

Wires hung out in what would have been a confusing disarray to anyone but Han. He immersed himself so completely in his task that he thought of nothing else and lost complete track of time.

Light footsteps sounded behind him and his hands on the wires stilled their movements. He sat up with a sigh and spun his chair to face Leia.

Her eyes held a mixture of chagrin and resignation. She looked at him, head tilted to the side.

So removed from the moment, Han now felt a measure of embarrassment for his earlier outburst. He wasn't wrong, Yoda's request had been unthinkable. However, he could have handled it better.

"Hi," he said quietly, eyes fluctuating between Leia and the deck.

"Hi." Her tone was as subdued as his.

They stared at each other shortly before Han spoke. "Sorry I blew up like that."

Leia sighed. "It's okay." She smiled wryly. "It was a good test for my temper, actually."

Han looked at her strangely.

She smiled. "Jedi have to remain calm and free of anger."

He boosted an eyebrow in her direction. "You?"

She came close to him and placed her hands on his shoulders with a slight curve at the corners of her mouth. "Yes, me. I've made miraculous progress. If I can hold my temper with you, I can hold it with anyone." The smile threatened to overtake her.

Han suppressed a grin of his own. He couldn't deny that he knew how to get under her skin. He put his arms around her and pulled her into his lap, feeling grateful that she no longer shied away from him.

"The Force is fascinating," she said. "I could feel that you had calmed down as soon as I boarded."

He had no idea what that meant. "You could feel it?"

"Yes. I can sense you."

"What?"

"If I reach out through the Force, I can feel your presence. I can sense what you're feeling."

Han did not like the sound of that at all. "You can read my mind?"

She chuckled. "No, I can't read your mind. Don't worry, your thoughts are safe."

He nodded but still felt uneasy. "So, what do you mean, you can feel my presence?"

Her smile grew tender. "You have this mental…I'm not sure what to call it. It's almost like a fingerprint. It's undeniably _you._ And I can feel it there, where you are. I can sense Chewie and Master Yoda too. Each of you has a very distinctive presence."

Han tried to take this new information in. "So, what do I feel like?"

Her brow lowered thoughtfully and she stared past his shoulder. "Confident…a little bit wary. Like you're always waiting for something to happen."

Han's eyes tightened slightly. That did sound like him.

"Strong," Leia continued. "And when you're looking at me…tender and protective." She came back to the moment and smiled at him. "It's hard to explain."

He tried to digest this. It was all so strange to him. It went against every belief he had ever held. There were so many things that were different now that Leia was becoming a Jedi.

She was watching him and smiling softly. "I know, it's hard to understand." She shook her head. "It almost feels like a dream."

"How so?"

"I never would have thought I would have anything to do with the Force. It's so unexpected. When Luke would talk about it, it seemed so foreign." A shadow passed over her face at the mention of his name.

"Hey," Han jostled. "You're doing great. Soon, we'll be ready to rescue Luke."

She nodded to the floor. Han gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"C'mon. Let's get some dinner, Princess." He gestured in the direction of the galley and Leia stood. Hand in hand, they strolled from the crew lounge.


	33. Chapter 33: I Happen to Like Nice Men

Happy Sunday, everyone! Hope you like this chapter :) Gotta love Han ;)

Note to guest reviewers: If you have a question, request, or criticism, please login to your account (or make one) so that I can reply privately. Also, I am far more likely to comply with a request when someone asks nicely. Rudeness will just make me laugh and ignore. Thank you!

Thank you to everyone for reading and huge thank yous to all the reviewers :)

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During dinner, Han was surprised when Leia asked him if he had any wine. He checked his stash and was pleased to find a forgotten bottle of Totorian red wine. He grabbed two glasses and presented the bottle to Leia with a flourish.

Han was still on his first glass of the sweet beverage when she poured herself a second. He frowned at her. She wasn't normally much of a drinker.

"You sure you want another one so soon, Sweetheart?"

She took a quick sip and glanced sideways at him. "Why not?"

He shrugged and downed the last of his then poured his second. After clearing the dishes, Han returned to the crew lounge to find Leia beginning a third glass. He paused and watched her take a gulp. She looked a little unsteady and Han decided she didn't need anymore. He reached over and plucked the glass from her hand.

"Hey," she called up to him, smiling a bit too brightly. "What are you doing?"

He took a quick sip from her glass, sat down, and placed it beside him. "I think you've had enough." He turned to face her with a smile.

Leia giggled and Han became even more certain that she was done drinking for the evening. She leaned close to him with her elbows on the table, hands tangled.

"You're a beautiful man," she smiled, eyes sparkling.

Han laughed internally, grinning at the way she beamed up at him. "You're pretty beautiful yourself."

She drifted a bit closer and lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Even when I couldn't stand you. I would look up and see you there and hate that you were so damned good-looking."

A bellowing laugh escaped him. He picked up the wine glass and examined the contents. "Is this wine? Or truth serum?"

Leia peered at the glass, brow wrinkled. "How could it be truth serum?"

"You're a fun drunk."

"I am not drunk."

He took a big gulp from Leia's glass and decided to take advantage of the situation. "When did you notice I was so good-looking?"

Her lips scrunched to one side. "Hmm. Outside the trash compactor." She sat up suddenly and her expression grew indignant. "But you acted like such a jerk."

Han caught her chin in his hand. "That's cause you were so rude."

She opened her mouth to respond and Han quickly caught her lips with his own, kissing her into silence. Her hands came up to gently frame his face and the passion that flamed inside him was barely containable. It seemed as if he had wanted her forever.

Her tongue lapped at his lips and Han groaned low in his throat, lost. He parted her lips with his tongue and the wet, warmth of her mouth was bliss.

From somewhere in the recesses of his mind, a quiet warning burst forward. It battered at his conciousness, begging for attention. Slowly, it dampened his ardor and he pulled himself back but Leia's mouth followed his, hot and erotic and his thoughts turned blank and steamy.

It seemed an eternity before Leia ducked her head to look at him. Her eyes were wide and grave.

"Han…I want you to make love to me," she whispered.

Something inside him crumbled with longing. All he could think of was burying himself deep inside her; but, he knew he had to take his time and be gentle with her.

He kissed her softly then bent his mouth to her neck, his tongue stroking sensuously.

Her breath whispered against his ear. "I need to get past this. I have to get it over with."

It took a moment for her words to register, and suddenly, Han felt as if he had been doused by an icy wave. A hollow knot invaded his stomach. Gently, he grabbed Leia's hands and held her at arm's length.

"Leia," he breathed in a harsh whisper. "I don't want it to be like that."

Her expression was puzzled and vulnerable and Han wasn't certain how much of it was caused by the wine.

"Don't you want me?"

Han found the innocence in her voice heartbreaking somehow. He let out a deep, frustrated breath and closed his eyes tightly. "You have no idea how much I want you." He opened his eyes to hers. "But I don't want it to be cause you're drunk and not thinking clearly. And I don't want it to be cause you wanna get it over with. I want it to be cause you want me too." He could barely believe this moment was happening: he was turning her down; after more than three long years of waiting and wanting. He took a deep, steadying breath.

Her gaze wavered to his chest. "I do want you."

His lips pressed together. "Then look at me and say it."

Her eyes landed on his and she opened her mouth but no words came out. He saw tears spring to her eyes and _Gods_ , it was too much for him to take. He enfolded her in his arms.

She remained in his embace for a time, then sniffled and spoke quietly. "I'm okay."

Han pulled back to look at her and she offered him a weepy smile. A deep, slow sigh fluttered from Han's chest. He brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Sweetheart, you should get some sleep."

She nodded with another sniffle and allowed him to pull her gently to her feet. He led her to his cabin, one arm about her shoulders.

When they reached the door, he palmed it open and accompanied her inside. As she laid down and got beneath the blanket, Han muttered, "No one better ever say I'm not a nice guy after this." He sat beside her on the bunk.

"You're the nicest guy," Leia declared in a breathy voice.

Han frowned down at her. "Let's not get crazy now." He bent and kissed her lightly on the forehead. Before he could move, Leia gripped his hand tightly in both of hers. Her eyes were hazy.

"Don't go," she implored. "Stay. Please."

Han found it almost comical that she thought she had to say please to get him to stay. He smiled reassuringly. "Of course I'll stay." _And after you're asleep, I'll take a very cold shower._

He removed his boots and tossed them aside as Leia scooted over to make room for him in the bunk. Once he was beside her, she burrowed into his arms and placed a hand on his chest, sighing contentedly.

With Leia warm at his side, images and feelings returned to haunt him. He sighed from deep down inside. If he wasn't sure he loved her before, he sure as hell was sure now.


	34. Chapter 34: History Lesson

Thank you guys again! :)

So, to appease the complaining guest reviewer, I am going to compromise. I am going to post 1 bonus chapter between now and my regular Sunday post. After that, I return to my scheduled plan for posting, as this fic is almost over and I have it planned out a certain way. How's that? ;) I have to say, guest reviewer, that I took a look at some other fics and those posts are no longer than mine and they seem to post less often.

Anyway, back to Han and Leia!

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"A powerful Jedi you are becoming."

To Leia, these might just have been the most marvelous words she had ever heard. She could feel how she had grown through the Force. Sitting on the floor of Yoda's hut, she felt happy and at peace.

Yoda's wizened features grew somber. "History of the Jedi I must tell you."

Leia straightened from her seated position on the floor of Yoda's hut, listening attentively. Yoda had not shared stories of the past before.

He took a deep breath before he began speaking in that slow, gravelly voice. "In the time of the Old Republic, when guardians of the galaxy the Jedi were, forbidden were attachments."

"Attachments?"

"Yes. From their families young Jedi learners were brought to the Jedi Temple to begin their training. See them again they did not. Consumed by their training in the Force their lives were."

"Children were taken from their families?" Leia tried to digest this.

Yoda nodded gravely. "To the Force their lives were dedicated."

Had Leia been a child of the New Republic, she would have been whisked away from her family? She couldn't imagine this.

"Prohibited as well were marriage and children and love of any kind."

She frowned momentarily. A life without love was unimaginable to her. Wasn't that what life was all about?

His head bowed and Leia sensed a deep sadness emanating from him. "Mistaken we were."

"Mistaken how?" Something dark and sinister clouded the air around them, shrouding her in a feeling of unease.

"Meditated on it I have for over twenty years. Suspected I did that a mistake was made. Thought we had that a Jedi without attachments would be single minded and free of emotion. Changed my mind the fall of the Jedi did. Thinking all these years I have been that remiss we were to not allow love and nurturing. Suspected I did that healing and balance it could bring. Now, certain I am. Proven so Captain Solo and you have."

Leia blinked in the dim light of the fire. "Han and I? What did we do?"

"Seen I have how calmed you has the love of Captain Solo. Your anger, your fear…banished are they. Healed you this bond has. Brought you balance it did. Only then, ready were you to complete your training."

Mildly astonished, Leia contemplated this. Indeed, it was Han that had comforted her and made her feel safe. Only when she began to let him in had she started healing. And that was when she had started her training in earnest. Yoda was right.

"Love…," she said into the surrounding quiet, her voice full of wonder. "Love banishes hate."

Yoda smiled, eyes calm and soft, lips pressed together.

With this realization, Leia's love for Han burst inside her like a flower blossoming to life in a breath. It felt as large as the galaxy and it shone brightly inside her, lighting her up from within. And with that, she felt the Force more strongly than ever before.

"Yes," Yoda intoned slowly. "Understand completely you do."

Awestruck by this staggering, new awareness, Leia closed her eyes and simply basked in the flow of the Force. It was everywhere, surrounding them, ready, always ready.

"A story I must tell you."

Yoda's words pulled her attention back to him and Leia sensed darkness coming. His eyes lowered to the floor and he sighed. Leia sensed the change in his mood, the regret and misery that she did not yet know the source of.

"A young Jedi named Anakin Skywalker there was at the time of the fall of the Republic."

"Luke's father?"

"Yes," Yoda replied slowly. "A powerful Jedi was he. Said to fulfill a prophecy he was."

"What prophecy?" She wondered if Luke knew this.

"Said it was that balance to the Force he would bring. Unlike the other Jedi, Anakin was. Stronger in the Force, yet discovered late in life. Spent his youth pining for his mother he did, pining for love, living with fear." He paused and his face grew infinitely sad. "Seduced by the dark side he was. Manipuated and coerced. By the Emperor." He let the words sink in.

Leia's thoughts turned inward. Luke's father turned to the dark side? What did this mean? "What became of him?"

"Ceased to be Anakin Sykwalker he did. Something dark and evil he became."

The Emperor manipulated him…dark and evil…dread passed through Leia with a chill. Her eyes flew to Yoda's, wide and wild. "Darth Vader? Darth Vader is Luke's father?"

"Yes," Yoda whispered, eyes closed. "Used this against him, Vader and the Emperor have."

Leia's mind tried to wrap around this information. It was too enormous. Luke…the son of Vader?

"A mistake we made. Told Luke we should have. Unprepared he was for this burden."

"We?"

"Obi-wan and I."

"Isn't Obi-wan…dead?" she asked in disbelief.

"In the Force the spirit can linger." He seemed to grow taller before her. "More there is to tell you."

Leia forced her mind to focus on what was to come.

"Before his fall, against the Jedi teachings Anakin married. In love he fell with a young Senator. In secret they married. Pregnant she became. With the burden of this secret, unable to handle the fear and anger Anakin was. Used this time to turn him the Emperor did, when at his weakest. When turned to the dark side Anakin was, died in childbirth his young wife did. And Anakin…murdered all of the Jedi." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Into hiding Obi Wan and I went. Waiting for the day that more could be done."

It hit Leia in a flash that the baby she had must have been Luke. It was unbelieveable, this new information.

"Survived the babies of Anakin Skywalker did," Yoda added, eyes fixed on her.

Leia nodded then realized the weight of his words. Babies? Her lips formed an unasked question and her brow puckered.

"Twins," he declared. "A boy and a girl."

The words hung in the air between them like an electric current and thoughts and feelings flickered through Leia. Something grabbed tenuously at her mind then was gone. She thought back to her parents, whispers in the dark when she should have been sleeping. Her father's persistent concern over her anger; discrete, overheard references to her birth mother…never a word said of her birth father's identity.

Sudden realization stabbed her in the heart and her mind reeled, spinning out of control. _No. It can't be._ Jaw gaping, her eyes landed on Yoda and there she saw the truth. Something akin to devastation swirled inside her, dragging down her soul far deeper than she would have thought possible.

"Yes," Yoda whispered, his voice low and deep. "Your brother is Luke."

Those words almost brought comfort; the familial connection had always been there between Luke and herself. But, the other…

The other was evil. They had been born of evil, of darkness. An icy fist clenched her stomach. That man…that monster…

"Hidden from Vader you were," Yoda continued. "Tell you this now to prepare you I do. As we did not prepare Luke." His head bowed then came up again to gaze at Leia. "Powerful you have become. Defeat Vader and the Emperor you can. And if need be…Luke as well."

Luke?! "I can't kill Luke! I have to save him!" She could hear the desperation in her own voice as she rejected one part of her heritage yet clung tightly to another.

"Once down the dark path you start, forever will it dominate your destiny."

"I don't accept that!" she shouted in the small space of Yoda's hut. It couldn't be too late for Luke.

"Time. Time is needed to assimilate this. Then, understand all you will." He gestured towards the small archway that led outside. "Now. Go to Captain Solo you will. Seek comfort with him. And meditate on this you must. Then, peace you will find and complete your training you will."

For a moment, Leia couldn't move. She was numb with shock. Yoda had turned away and was slowly making the short trek to the other room of his hut.

Peace? How could she possibly ever find peace again?

In a daze, she crawled outside and staggered to her feet. She thought she might pass out as her vision clouded, dimmed, then returned to normal. She stumbled forward a few feet then sat heavily on the ground.

How was this possible? Darth Vader? How could her parents keep such a thing from her? How could they live with such a horrendous secret?

It couldn't be true. Yoda had to be mistaken. Darth Vader couldn't be her…

He had slaughtered her family, her world. He had tortured her not once, but twice. And all this time…all this time…

Panic surged through her for the first time in a long while. She pushed it down and concentrated on breathing. When she felt reasonably rational again, she took the comlink from her pocket and thumbed it on. She opened her mouth to hail Han but found herself mute. Only air left her throat, her voice had frozen. She swallowed noisily then forced herself to try again.

"Han," she finally breathed into the comlink, her voice hoarse and unrecognizable to herself.

"Leia? You okay?" he answered after a burst of static. She had never contacted him out of the blue before.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Come get me," she choked out. "Please."

To his credit, he did not ask for details. "I'll be right there!"

Leia dropped the comm to the ground, raised her knees and wrapped both arms around them. She began to rock back and forth in a steady rhythm that blanked her thoughts. She didn't want to think; if she could keep her mind clear, everything could remain as it was.

After an interminable amount of time, Han burst from the trees at a run then dropped beside her, panting and coughing.

"What happened? Are you okay?" His eyes scanned her from head to toe.

Leia clenched her eyes tightly shut and shook her head. The dam that held back her tears was straining and splintering.

"Are you hurt?"

She shook her head again, distantly aware that she was scaring him.

"I'm going to talk to Yoda," he growled menacingly.

"No!" Leia's eyes flew open and her hands clasped at Han's shirt. She could feel the quiver of her lip and fought to still it. "No, he didn't do anything."

His lips bunched to one side and his eyes remained disbelieving.

She struggled not to crumple before him. "Please. I just want to go back to the ship. Please," she whispered.

For a long moment he just stared at her. Then his eyes softened and his lower lip jutted out in agreement. Gently, he pulled her to her feet, took her by the hand and led her in the direction of the Falcon.

Leia concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other; a monumental task at that particular moment.


	35. Chapter 35: The Truth

Thank you all for the wonderful support about the length and frequency of my posts! :) You guys are awesome! And, as always, thank you for taking the time to read and for taking the time to review :) I love hearing your thoughts about what I have written.

Here is the bonus chapter I promised...Have a great weekend, everyone!

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Sitting on the bunk in Han's cabin, Leia scowled at the floor. Too many confusing and frightening feelings swirled through her, bounding and charging through her mind, a dark whirlpool that threatened to drown her. After months of painstakingly slow progress to overcome the rage and fear inside, a surge of panic and fear was claiming her yet again.

The sound of the door swishing open caused her to raise her head. Han handed her a cup of kaffe. She took it, realized her hands were shaking, and placed it on the small table beside the bed.

Han took her hands in his, staring down at them, his brow wrinkled in consternation. "What happened?" he asked, his voice low and deep.

Her eyes refused to meet his. It was too much to think about, much less to talk about. That inability to fill her lungs fully with air had returned. "I can't…" she whispered hoarsely.

"You're scaring me, Leia. What is it?" His voice was as close to panic as possible for Han Solo.

She would have to tell him. She didn't want him to worry so. But, how could she possibly find the words? If she said it aloud, it would be undeniable. Her eyes opened slowly and focused on the fastenings of his shirt.

"I never told you this, but I'm adopted," she confessed in a hushed tone, hands still resting in his. This part was easy. This she could talk about.

"Okay…" Han let his voice trail off expectantly.

Her eyes closed for a heartbeat then opened as she took a deep, unsettling breath to continue. "My birth mother died right after I was born. I always knew this. My parents…" Stricken, she paused at the word and gulped back the hard knot in her throat. "My parents always talked to me about her." Her eyes remained averted. If she looked at him, she wouldn't be able to continue. "But, it was a secret."

"Why?"

"Because royal bloodlines are very important. So, no one outside of the family knew I was adopted." Tremors started to overtake her again and Han grasped her hands more firmly in his. Her voice became barely audible. "There were always whispers…faint words that I caught here and there. They made no sense at the time but…" Suddenly, they fell into place.

 _Silently, she crept down the stone stairs. They were cold under her feet but she would not go back for her slippers. She sat lightly on a step, smiling at her own sense of cunning. At six, sneaking out after bedtime was an outrageous adventure, even for a Princess. The fluff that lined the edge of her white nightgown tickled her chin as she leaned forward, all ears._

 _Her father's voice was a soft boom from downstairs._

 _"…_ _might sense something."_

 _Leia could just make out her mother's soft tone but could not decipher her words._

 _"…_ _know we can't always…but she's so young…"_

 _They were talking about her!_

 _"_ _If I take her with me…on Coruscant…what if he knows somehow?"_

 _Leia leaned lower and pressed her lips together, trying to make out all her father's words. Were they going to Coruscant?_

 _"…_ _know how it works…like the boy. Maybe it was a mistake."_

 _Her mother's voice rose sharply. "How can you say that?"_

 _"…_ _not what I meant, Breha, of course it's not…just scares me…"_

 _At those words, a chill rippled through Leia, and a sudden fear enveloped her, as if_ she _were on the cusp of a nightmare. Spooked, she stumbled back to her room, climbed in bed, and covered herself to her chin. The sense of foreboding persisted and the young Princess was slow to fall asleep that night._

They had been talking about her…possibly meeting Vader! They had been afraid he would somehow know that Leia was his…

Her thoughts shut down and she thought she might be ill.

"Han, please…I can't talk about this right now!" Her chin was trembling and she knew the tears were imminent, she would be unable to stop them.

Han's expression was grim and worried. "All right. You don't have to talk right now."

Her eyes begged him to understand. "Will you just hold me?"

He nodded, eyes filled with disquiet, then placed his arms firmly around her. Leia collapsed against his strength and buried the truth deep inside her.

###

Leia had dozed lightly for the past two hours, reality ebbing like the tide. Han remained at her side, holding her in his arms, full of comfort and love. How would he feel when he learned the truth of Leia's paternity?

She edged into wakefulness and felt a persistent pang in her chest, as if her insides had gone completely hollow. The full force of the new discovery of her secret, guarded past crashed down on her. She wanted to return to that twilight state of denial, where she could pretend that everything was as it had been before the truth had emerged.

Rousing from her position on Han's chest, she sat up and found him looking at her carefully, expectantly. He pulled his arm from behind her and began shaking it vigourously while massaging his fingers.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, my arm just fell asleep."

"I'm sorry, you should've moved it."

"I didn't want to wake you." He continued opening and closing his fist.

A flash of pain constricted her heart. Was there anything Han wouldn't do for her? She raised a palm to his cheek and wondered how she had ever _not_ been in love with him. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips then lowered herself to the pillow.

"Are you ready to talk to me?" he asked quietly.

Leia didn't feel she would ever be ready. But, how long could she keep him in the dark? With a sigh, she closed her eyes. "Not really, but I guess I have to."

After a slight pause, his words tumbled down from above her head. "Leia, I never want to force you to do anything." He had certainly proven that time and again.

To say it out loud would make it true. She didn't want it to be true, she wanted to remain in shocked denial. He was silent and Leia began speaking quietly. "I never knew who my…" she choked on the words, "…birth faher was. My parents said that my mother never revealed him." She winced, unable to imagine the words to tell him the horrible truth. "Today, I found out."

When she fell silent, Han prodded her gently. "So, who is it?"

Her lip quivered as she neared the truth. "My mother…she had twins. A boy and a girl."

"You have a brother," he observed quietly.

"Yes," she replied too quickly. Her eyes squinted shut. "My…birth father's name…is…"

Han waited in quiet patience and Leia was grateful.

"Anakin Skywalker," she concluded.

The ensuing silence hung like a meteor. Finally, Han spoke, his voice stunned and disbelieving. "So, Luke….? It's Luke?" He pulled back and lowered himself on the pillow to face her. "Luke is your brother?" Eyes wide, jaw slack, he gaped at her.

Leia bit her lip and nodded. Han's face turned away from her as he tried to process this new information. If only that were the entire story.

"There's more," she whispered, dropping her gaze. She began trembling again, wanting to pretend the rest were merely a tall tale, the stuff of nightmares brought to small children, not real at all.

From the corner of her eye, she could see him turn back to her. She started to speak but choked on tears. With a hard swallow, she concentrated on breathing for a moment. She would have to say it.

"Our…" she breathed in a tortured whisper. "Our father…he was a Jedi Knight." She was aware that she was granting all the details except for the most important one of all. How could she say it? How could she get the words to leave her mouth? "Obi-Wan Kenobi told Luke that Darth Vader killed his father. But that wasn't true." Her heart was hammering, panic beginning to bubble in her throat again. Her face began to crumple. "I can't…I can't tell you."

"Sweetheart," Han murmured, grasping her firmly by the shoulders. "You can tell me anything. Look at me. Leia, look at me."

She forced her eyes open and found him looking at her with ferocious intensity.

"Sweetheart, I'm here. No matter what happens, I'm here. So, tell me and whatever it is, we'll deal with it. You just have to tell me."

The confidence in his voice alleviated some of her anxiety. She realized suddenly that she needed his fortitude now that hers had been shredded and scrapped. Who was she? The daughter of a monster? The galaxy no longer made sense to her.

Tentatively, Leia reached out to Han through the Force and brushed against his essence. What she felt there was an overwhelming myriad of feelings…protectiveness, worry, faith…faith in her, in them together. So many feelings and they were all bound together, enveloped in the most exquisite blaze of love. She took a deep breath and felt as if she were inhaling Han's spirit.

"You can trust me," he whispered fiercely.

And she realized that she did. Completely, as she had never trusted before. This realization calmed her, made her feel as if she could indeed handle anything.

She disentangled her mind from his and took a moment to breathe. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet and steady as she kept her eyes lowered.

"Anakin Skywalker wasn't killed. He was turned to the dark side of the Force." Numbness settled deep inside her. "It was the Emperor who turned him and made him evil," she whispered, desperately hoping that Han would sort out the cryptic puzzle she had laid before him.

It was a long moment before she forced her eyes to his. His expression was both questioning and disbelieving, but in his eyes she saw that he knew; he knew the truth, she hadn't had to say the words.

"Yes," she breathed, grief pushing up towards the surface. "It's true."

The question in his eyes faded to sadness and he snatched her up into his embrace and held her tightly in the fortress of his arms.


	36. Chapter 36: Free at Last

Happy Sunday. Enjoy!

###

 _And don't believe the lies that they have told to you_

 _You're all right, you're all right, you're all right_

 _-Simon, Lifehouse_

He found her outside, sitting on a tree stump, threading her luscious hair into braids. He stopped and watched her in profile, unobserved. She inspired so many emotions in him. Never before would he have imagined his heart capable of such tenderness. She was all he wanted; nothing mattered more than her.

He wasn't sure what kind of reaction she had expected at the news about Vader. She had been so afraid to tell him. He had been stunned, certainly. It was mind-blowing, completely insane. But, in reality, it changed nothing.

Her hands paused amidst strands of hair and she turned her head, dark eyes finding him as if she had known he was there all along. He offered a small smile that she returned half-heartedly. He meandered to her side and bent on one knee to face her.

"How're you doing?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

She gave a small sigh. "I'm getting by."

He leaned closer and placed his chin on her knee. She dropped her hands from her hair and placed them gently in his then kissed his forehead. His mouth curved at the tender gesture.

"I love you," he said quietly.

Her lips arced to match his. "I love you, too." When the smile faded, she became serious. "Han, thank you."

He sighed through his nose. "For what?"

"Everything," she answered quickly.

Han smiled despite his confusion. "What's everything?"

A hint of humor lit her eyes. "Since when did you become modest?"

Uncertain how to respond, he said nothing.

Her voice was full of gratitude. "Don't you know all that you've done for me?" She swept a few stray strands of hair from his forehead.

He raised his head and lowered his gaze, feeling oddly abashed. Then her hands were on either side of his face and she brought herself back into his line of vision.

A glimmer of tears accompanied her soft smile. "You've made me whole again," she said in a husky whisper.

His breath left him momentarily and he took a moment to recover. Words had never touched him so profoundly. He hadn't known they could. Warmth cascaded through him and he closed his eyes for just a moment, overwhelmed. When he found his voice, it was coarse. "You were always whole, Leia."

"No." She smiled softly. "I fell apart completely. I'm not sure I ever would have put myself back together without you."

He dismissed her words with a shrug. She leaned close to kiss him and a warm, ardent haze surrounded them. Fervid desire surged between them and the kiss grew hot and passionate as their tongues clung sensuously. Awareness of all else fell away and Han knew nothing but Leia.

He was hard and throbbing when she broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his. He battled internally with himself, knowing he needed to calm down and back off, yet wanting her so completely.

Her head came up and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her lips were wet and parted, her cheeks flushed, eyes damp and dusky. She was so beautiful it made him ache.

"Han." Her soft voice seemed to caress him. "I want to make love with you."

He was both surprised and aroused, yet suddenly nervous. The last time she had expressed this desire had been less than ideal. "Are you sure?" His voice was barely a whisper.

One finger moved to brush his lower lip and he suppressed a groan. "Yes. I want to be with you. And I think I know how it can be okay." She paused. "How _I_ can be okay."

Han was lost in a fog of desire, uncertain of what she was talking about and unable to make any attempt to decipher her words. He swallowed. "If you're sure. You don't have to rush anything on my account. I can w—"

She cut him off with another kiss, long and slow, then looked at him with smiling eyes. "Take me to your cabin and make love to me.

She was sure. He could hardly believe it.

Solemnly, he stood and tugged her gently to her feet. He looked down at her, marveling at how small and fragile she appeared in that moment. He bent low and scooped her in his arms, kissed her tenderly, and carried her up the boarding ramp.

###

Inside the cabin, Leia's heart fluttered with nerves, but the persistent fear and panic of months past was absent. She wanted this with Han. Facing each other on the bunk, she thought she detected some uneasiness in Han's eyes as well. She took his hand.

"Han, I want to…" She hesitated, uncertain how to phrase it. "I want to touch your mind with the Force. I think it will…" She glanced downward, feeling suddenly awkward. "I think it will help me…to not think of anything else but you. Here, touching me."

Uncertainty tinged his features. "I'm not gonna pretend I understand this Force stuff, Leia. But, I love you. And I want you to feel safe." His eyes fell away from her then returned hesitantly. "You're sure about this?"

She traced the scar on his chin with gentle fingers. "I'm sure," she said with quiet confidence.

His mouth quirked up on one side. "Are you in my head yet?"

She couldn't help the responding smile that sprung to her lips. "I don't get in your head. I just… _feel you_."

"Okay." He laid back against the pillows. "You're in control here."

"I'm in control?"

His smile faded. "Yeah. I don't want anything to happen that you don't want to happen. So…" he shrugged slightly. "You take control."

Leia had not the slightest clue how to respond. With some apprehension, she slipped slowly down to lie facing him on the bunk. Han's hands remained at his sides.

Leaning close, she brushed her lips softly against his and felt his lips part in response. She kept her eyes open, wanting to know this was Han that she was ready to be so intimate with. She opened herself to the Force and felt a charge of energy between them, unlike anything she had ever felt before.

And there was Han, his essence, his spirit, and she could feel how much he wanted her; how much he was holding back, controlling his desire. The love she felt emanating from him was a powerful surge and her spirit called out in response. She felt their feelings, their love, intertwining in the space between them and pouring out around them, too much to contain.

She kissed him more passionately and the excitement she felt from him incited a deep longing within her. Oh, yes, she wanted him.

His desire inspired a new confidence in her and she reached down to undo the fastenings of his shirt. Once it was open, she watched her hands play across the soft skin of his chest and heard, as well as felt, his intake of breath. Her eyes rose to find his closed with an intense, dreamy expression.

A deep sense of wonder filled her. Nothing had ever felt as beautiful as what now touched every space inside her, filling her with so much love and light. She slipped the shirt from his shoulders and he opened his eyes, shrugging off the shirt and tossing it to the floor.

In turn, she sat up, locking his gaze with hers and pulling off her own shirt. She saw his eyes darken and sharpen as his gaze grazed over her, felt the deepening of his desire. It emboldened her and she reached down and slipped her shorts to the floor.

Now, Han's hands reached out to caress her, starting at her shoulders and slowly sliding down to her hips. "You're so beautiful," he whispered fiercely, and Leia could feel his words as well as hear them. He moved close to her and, with a deep groan, kissed her, entwining his legs with hers.

The feel of his skin against hers sent a hot fire through her and she longed to feel the entire length of his body. She pushed at the waistband of his pants and he opened them and quickly pushed them off.

And there he was, his body intimately against hers, and when she felt him, hard against her stomach, a momentary flicker of unease swept through her; she reached out again through the Force and his reassuring presence, everything that was Han, soothed her and any lingering doubts dissolved and dissipated to nothing.

And then Han's tongue was grazing her ear, her neck, her collarbone and nothing else existed. His mouth blazed a scorching trail along her breast and when it closed over her nipple, sucking and flicking with his tongue, she cried out in shocked pleasure and forgot to breathe. She moaned and whimpered as he alternated between one breast and the other.

"I love you, Princess," he growled in a deep rumble. "I'm so in love with you." Leia was too lost to form words.

It seemed an eternity that Han's mouth and tongue danced over her skin, moist and hot, teasing excruciating ripples of pleasure that tickled and nipped every nerve ending. There was nothing but Han's mouth, his hands, the ecstasy of his skin against hers.

His light touch skimmed her thighs and when his fingers brushed against the most sensitive part between, Leia's breath caught and she moaned loudly. The response it evoked in Han crashed around her and she could feel him almost lose himself then force control again. Was that the pounding of his heart? Or hers?

And then Han's finger slid into her silken folds and she was instantly aware of how wet she was as he teased with slow, deliberate strokes; the bliss was startling. Her hips moved in time with his fingers, each movement driving her towards some unknown precipice. When he slid a finger inside her, she cried out, hips thrusting upwards, and she felt Han's intent before he even moved to place his body over hers, his finger still inside her, coaxing her body into a passionate fervor.

One hand curled around her head and his voice was a breathless whisper. "Look at me, Leia."

Her eyes fell open and he looked into them with the same intensity she could feel flowing from him in passionate waves. He kept his gaze on her, his eyes dark and hooded, and as the hard length of him pressed against her, he slipped his finger from inside her and sheathed himself deeply within her. His gaze sharpened, his mouth opened and Leia was overwhelmed by how it felt to have him filling her, how she wanted him deeper inside her. She was unaware when her eyes closed as Han began to slowly thrust inside her, pulling back as if he would withdraw completely then plunging even more deeply.

His arms moved under hers to clasp at her shoulders and he held her in place and drove into her, over and over, and every time Leia thought he was as deep inside her as he could be, he thrust again and moved even deeper, until she felt something inside her start to spasm and splinter and Han's cries filled her ears, mixing with hers, and she thrust her hips up violently to meet him, again and again; and then the world was spinning around them both and she felt her core exploding into a paroxysm of ecstasy and agony that was far too powerful; Han's body shook with the same intensity and Leia felt the energy between them explode and careen wildly. And then Han was spilling inside her, fiercely hot, erupting, as their bodies shook together for an endless time, until they were both trembling and weak. Unable to think, Leia could only breathe.

As her breathing began to slow, awareness gradually returned and she realized that her legs were still shaking and she and Han were both bathed in sweat, clinging to each other.

His mouth found hers and he kissed her, breathing harshly through his nose. He slid his weight off her and collapsed with his head against her chest. His hair was damp and when she glanced down, he looked as spent as she felt.

They lay in silence and Leia felt him through the Force, how deeply emotional he was, and it touched her so profoundly that a sheen of tears welled in her eyes.

At that moment, Han lifted his head to look at her and she felt his alarm before it showed on his face.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He rose, eyes filled with concern.

She smiled through tears. "I'm wonderful."

He remained unconvinced. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You did everything perfect. I love you." She grabbed the back of his head and pulled him down to kiss her. The tension in his shoulders began to ease.

He looked into her eyes and Leia still saw some unease stirring in him. "You're sure?"

One side of her lips quirked up. "That I love you? Yes, I'm sure."

He eyed her with mild disdain. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean." Her voice grew soft. "Han, I'm happy. It was…" She floundered for an adequate word. "Beautiful," she breathed softly, finding the term entirely inadequate.

He searched her face then nodded, seemingly satisfied. Gathering her in his arms, he rolled to his back, pulling her with him.

Leia sighed contentedly in the warm circle of his arms. A small sense of disquiet permeated the air around them and it took a moment to realize it was coming from Han. She looked up at him to find his brow furrowed ever-so-slightly.

"Han, what is it?"

"What?"

She watched him briefly before answering. "Something's wrong."

"What is it?" His expression turned to concern.

"No, I mean with you. Something is wrong with you."

"Hey, I thought you said I did everything right." He flashed his usual arrogant grin but it seemed false somehow.

She turned on her stomach to face him, examining him closely and stretching out more deliberately through the Force. "Something is bothering you. I can feel it."

His brow lowered. "All right, I knew I didn't like this Force stuff. You gettin' all in my head and everything."

"I wasn't trying to. It was just…there." An uneasy thought skittered through her. "Is it…was I…not very good at it? Did I disappoint you?"

"Gods no," he said quickly. "It was…amazing." He let out a small, sighing laugh. "Amazing doesn't even cover it."

Leia was beginning to worry. "Then what is it?"

He sat up and she could see mild anger creeping in. "Am I never going to have a private thought again?"

A sinking feeling settled into the pit of her stomach. Moments ago, things had been blissful. Now, it seemed to be taking a terrible turn. "It's not like that," she answered calmly.

His indifferent mask fell into place for the first time in so long that she couldn't remember when she had last seen it. "Then what's it like?"

A sliver of anger zipped through her. He was mad at her for something she had no control over. She fell back on her Jedi training and banished it immediately, passivity held in check. She sat up with the blanket covering her legs and placed a hand lightly on his arm. "First of all, I can't hear your thoughts. Secondly, I was not trying to pry. I could just sense how you were feeling, it was just there. And lastly, I'm sorry if it bothers you. I know there are ways to control it and I will learn to do that. I don't want you to ever feel I'm spying on you or whatever it is you think I was doing."

Her calm seemed to deflate his defensiveness. He nodded shortly, eyes still troubled. When he lay back against the pillow, Leia was hesitant to join him. A clumsy silence fell between them. Han placed one hand behind his head and the other across the pillow beside him, seeming to anticipate her presence there.

The old Leia would have turned her back to him and folded up. She could feel the difference in herself since she had begun her Jedi training. She refused to allow herself to be driven by her emotions. Lying in the hollow of his shoulder, she snuggled close to him, in spite of his aloof demeanor. His arm closed around her shoulder.

His unease was still pestering her. "So, what is it that's bothering you?"

It took him a long moment to answer. "It's nothing important."

With a mental sigh, she tried to accept this answer, but all things considered, it was impossible to just let it go. She rolled onto her stomach, propped her hands on his shoulder and rested her chin on top of her hands. "Han, we just made love and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. And now something has upset you. And I don't know what I said or did, so it is important."

He turned sharply to look at her and his expression softened considerably. "No, Sweetheart, you didn't do anything." His voice was low and tender now, such a contrast to a moment ago. His hand raised to stroke her hair and he pulled her closer.

They lay quietly for a time. Leia could no longer see his face from where she was huddled below his chin. "Han, please talk to me," she whispered.

He sighed above her head. "I don't even know how to put it into words. I'm not like you, Leia. I can't always just talk about things."

Remaining in place, hoping it would help him open up if she was not looking directly at him, she implored, "All you wanted for weeks when we first arrived here was for me to talk to you about what had happened to me, how I felt. Now, you don't want to talk to me? Didn't you see what a difference it made for me to open up to you?"

"That was different."

"Because now it's you instead of me?"

He didn't respond.

Leia continued in a low tone. "You got me to trust you when I didn't think I could ever trust again. Can't you trust me now?" She placed a soft kiss on his neck and retreated to silence.

After a time, Han began to speak with slow awkwardness. "I love you and…well, I've never felt like this before." He blew out a quick, rough breath. "Nothing like this."

Her arms held him a bit more tightly. He paused and she waited patiently.

"It's just…" He faltered for a moment. "It's…" He shook his head. "A little scary," he concluded in a tense voice.

Leia melted, a sudden flush of emotion flooding her. Of course it was scary. Han never let anyone so close. His past had rendered him far too distrustful of emotional attachments. She pulled herself up to look at him and his eyes were averted and vulnerable. He slung one arm over his forehead in ineffective defense. "What is it that scares you?" she asked soberly.

His lower lip jutted out. "I dunno."

Her finger traced his lower lip in a light caress. "I love you," she said reassuringly.

"I know," he replied with a slight nod.

"Are you afraid of losing me?"

His shoulders tensed and his eyes closed. "Maybe."

Various responses flew through her mind as she tried to decide on the best way to assuage his fears. "I would never hurt you," she whispered. "Just like you would never hurt me." He didn't respond. "You know, after Alderaan, I didn't want to let anyone get close to me. I just shut down. It was too painful, losing everyone I ever loved." It hit her that she could finally talk about Alderaan without being swept away on a drifting tide of loss. "But you were there, and Luke, and Chewie, and eventually I couldn't deny that I cared about all of you." His eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling. "And you," she said in a voice laden with affection. "I didn't want to care about you most of all. Because I knew you were leaving and that you weren't the type to give a damn about anyone."

The tiniest smirk twitched at his lips and it brought a smile to Leia's own.

She continued in a soft voice. "But, every time I turned around, there you were. I couldn't get away from you, or what you made me feel, no matter how much I denied it. And it scared me. It scared me because I knew you would leave. And it was so hard to lose yet another person who mattered to me when I had already lost so many." She paused and took in his somber expression. "So, I understand why you're scared. And I want you to know, to really understand, that when I say I love you, I don't say it lightly. And I know that I'm so very lucky. Because who, other than you, would have stayed by me so relentlessly all this time since Coruscant? _No one._ I was a disaster and I treated you terribly. I wouldn't have blamed you if you took off and never looked back. But you didn't. And that means more to me than you can imagine. So, when I tell you I love you, I don't just mean right now, in this moment. I mean that I will love you forever. And I will be with you for as long as you want to be with me." The deep emotion that swelled inside her brought a glaze of tears to her eyes.

Han turned his head to look at her, mouth open, eyes full of wonder. Their gazes held for an eternal moment and they became immersed in the fathomless depths of each other, a current of mutual empathy confirming the covenant of their love.


	37. Chapter 37: Time for Action

Thank you all so much, I am happy that the last chapter was all you had hoped for in this story :)

So, at the last minute, I decided that this chapter needed an extra scene. So, the first scene was written months ago, but I added the next scene few days ago. Hope you like it!

There are 4 chapters left after this. It felt like I was posting this fic forever, lol, can't believe it's finally coming to an end. But, I have 5 more fics written and ready to post and I am working on a 6th, so there is more Han and Leia to come! I must admit, none of them are as good as Dark Matters, but I hope you will read and enjoy them anyway :)

Thank you!

###

"There you are."

Han looked up from his stool in the galley to find Leia standing in the doorway. "You're early," he observed, noting her sober expression.

"I need to talk to you."

He winced in response. His entire life, those words had never been a good omen. "Okay." With a motion of his hand, he beckoned her and held his arms wide.

She came forward into the circle of his arms and hugged him tightly. Han's stomach gnawed nervously as he slipped his arms around her slim body.

With apprehension, he asked, "What is it?"

"Master Yoda says I'm ready."

Taking her words in for a moment, he stayed still and silent. Of course, he had known this day was coming; it was the culmination of their visit to Dagobah. But, it filled him with dread. His arms tightened around her. She suddenly felt smaller in his embrace.

"When do you want to leave?" His voice sounded too loud to his own ears.

Her tone was very quiet. "How about the day after tomorrow?"

"All right." He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. He was scared for her. He knew he should be scared for himself as well, and perhaps at some point he might be. But, most important was that Leia would be in serious danger. And he wasn't sure how much help he could be.

She drew back to look at him but stayed within his arms. Her eyes lowered to his chin. "Han, when we get to Coruscant…" She was visibly nervous. "I have to go into the Imperial Palace alone."

` Her eyes found his again while he was still processing her words. He blinked in shock. "Are you kidding?"

"No," she answered quietly. "You can't go with me."

He stood indignantly and Leia backed up in haste. "The hell I can't!"

She sighed through her nose and grimaced but remained composed. "I can't worry about you during this."

Disbelief wrenched through him. His mouth hung open momentarily. "I think I can manage to take care of myself."

"Han," she said, and he noticed she always said his name when she was trying to placate him. It irked him further.

"Leia."

Her hands rose to his shoulders. "You don't understand. Vader and the Emperor are very powerful. The Force is the only defense against them."

His hands angled to his hips and he set his jaw stubbornly. "You're not going without me."

Her serene expression slipped to sadness. "I'm prepared to die if that is my destiny. But, I don't want to take you with me."

The sorrow in her eyes tugged at his emotions, but it did not deter his resolve. "I don't want either of us to die," he gritted between his teeth.

Her hands dropped from his shoulders to cross in front of her chest. "I can't go unless you agree to let me follow my path alone. If not, Luke's fate has been decided."

His eyes squinted down at her. It was cruel to use Luke against him. "Well, then, Chewie and I'll just go after him."

She raised an eyebrow. "Now you're just being spiteful."

"No, I'm being practical."

Leia sighed in frustration. "Do you remember how Master Yoda picked you up out of the sinksand? Vader and the Emperor could choke you to death without lifting a finger. Do you understand that?" She backed away slightly.

Han tried to form a strong argument but was at a sudden loss. He felt an abrupt tug at his holster and before he could glance down, his blaster flew into Leia's hand. His mouth dangled open and he looked from his empty holster to where the blaster was gripped in her small fingers.

Her eyes softened at his shocked expression. "It's that easy," she said quietly.

His heart was pumping far too quickly as he was gripped by the realization that Leia was right. And he simply hated it. He leaned back against the counter and sighed deeply, feeling defeated.

She must have seen it on his face because she came forward, placed the blaster on the counter, and put her arms around him. "I know you want to protect me. And I love that about you. But, sometimes, you have to let me fight my own battles. And this is my battle, whether we like it or not." Her head bowed to rest against his chest.

With another sigh, his arms went around her, cradling her gently. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek atop her head. He couldn't begin to find words to express how he felt about the situation. Letting Leia wander into the Imperial Palace by herself, to face the Emperor and Darth Vader, might just be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. Would he ever see her again?

"I love you." The words drifted up from beneath his cheek.

"I love you, too," he croaked then cleared his throat. They remained in place and Han wondered if Leia could hear the way his heart hammered.

"I want you to come with me until we reach the Palace. Then wait for me on the Falcon." Her voice grew solemn. "Hopefully, you can pick us up on the roof, like Chewie picked us up last time."

His throat was too constricted for him to respond.

"Thank you for understanding," she whispered.

Understanding? Acceptance was more like it. He swallowed around the bitter taste in his mouth. After everything they had gone through, all the lost time and misunderstandings…and now, he might lose her. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

###

With Leia snuggled against him, wrapped in the safety of his arms, Han was very aware of the somber, unsettling mood that cast a dark pall in the air around them. He didn't need to be a Jedi to sense it.

He didn't want to think about the possibilities, about tomorrow. That this might be their last night together, that all their struggles to finally be together would be for nothing and she would be slaughtered by Vader and the Emperor. And Luke would remain lost…

Their lovemaking had been intense, frantic and desperate. Both were afraid it might be the last time. Neither had spoken since they had settled in cozy silence, his knees spooned behind hers, both arms enveloping her torso. Leia's hands gripped tightly at his arms, nails digging slightly, as if afraid he might disappear if she loosened her grasp.

When she spoke, her voice was soft and wistful. "I wish we hadn't wasted three years fighting and misunderstanding each other."

He couldn't disagree with that. With no response to the thought, he kissed the back of her head, inhaling the clean, light scent of her hair. Was it possible to long for someone when they were right there in your arms?

"If only we could go back to the moment we first met and do it all over again," she continued. "And see past each other's fears to who we really are."

The thought was heartbreaking in its impossibility. He sought to lighten the moment. "Never woulda happened," he said low near her ear. "You were too stubborn."

"Oh, yes," she said in a knowing voice. "It was just me."

"Glad you recognize that now."

One hand let go of his arm to slap at it playfully, then reattach with a bit less fervor. "And _that_ is the attitude that kept me at arms' length for three years."

"Arms' length? You were a smashball court's length away."

A light, breathy laugh escaped her. "That's because you were nasty and obnoxious."

"That's cause you were bossy and bitchy."

"Bitchy?"

"Yeah, bitchy." He placed a light kiss on her ear to soften his words.

"You wouldn't have thought that if I were a man," she said defensively.

"I would've if you were a bitchy man." He couldn't help but laugh from deep in his belly.

He could hear her suppressing a laugh of her own. "This is why I found you impossible."

"Why?"

"Because you had a smart answer for everything."

"What can I say? I'm a fast thinker."

"Hmm. Well, it's your lack of thinking that usually got us into trouble."

"Yeah, but then it got us out of trouble."

"Sometimes."

"All the time."

"Ah, there's that overblown ego. I've been wondering where it went."

"Don't worry, Sweetheart. It was just taking a nap."

Her head shifted from side to side in a mixture of amusement and frustration.

He chuckled near her ear and kissed her head again, a bit more lingeringly than before. "So, what would happen if we met again?" he asked, deciding to indulge in her little fantasy.

"Hmmm…" she trailed off thoughtfully. "I'm sure I still would've yelled at you on the Death Star. You were making things so difficult."

"Hey," he called with false sharpness in his voice.

She turned in his arms to face him, a thoughtful expression tensing her features. "But, on the Falcon, I would have dismissed your mercenary attitude." She examined his face for a moment, as if memorizing him. "I would have told you that you're not as tough and uncaring as you pretend to be."

He tried to picture this scenario in his mind. "I never would've admitted you were right. At the time, you really weren't."

"But, you had a soft heart underneath that brash attitude, even then. That's why you came back to the battle."

His eyes lowered reflexively and he gave a slight shrug before looking back up at her. "I didn't want you and Luke getting killed."

"Like I said, soft heart." She smiled gently.

He smiled back, allowing the sentiment to settle and grow comfortable within him. He struggled a moment with his responding words. "I never knew people like you and Luke existed. Not really, anyway." His eyes remained on her shoulder and he felt open and vulnerable, a feeling that only Leia had ever seemed to stir in him.

She was silent for a long moment and he could feel her eyes on him. "How so?"

Eyes still averted, he forced the explanation out. He wanted to be as trusting with her as she now was with him, even if it was difficult for him. "People I've seen…known…not the best people. Not people you really trust at your back. When you have to depend on them, you hope for the best. That's what I've mostly known."

Her hand came up to trace the line of his jaw with gentle fingers. "Until Chewie?" she asked softly.

"Yeah." He glanced at her and found her expression so full of caring and love…it overwhelmed him and he looked away again.

Her lips pressed to his in a tender kiss that moved him more than any words. Her fingertips brushed down his spine, light and warm, and the bright brilliance of his love for her resounded in his chest, a pleasurable burning. Frightening yet soothing at once.

He moved over her, skin on skin, pressed tightly, and this time, it was slow and sweet, and filled with emotion.


	38. Chapter 38: Sibling Rivalry

Thank you, everyone! You guys are all so sweet :) Time for action for real now...

###

Surrounded by the bright lights of Imperial City, Han and Leia faced each other, eyes locked, seeing nothing else. Beneath the white, hooded cloak, she looked small and vulnerable. One would never guess at the astounding power that lie within her.

His eyes roamed her face, trying to memorize her features, so scared that he would never see her again. Her eyes were sad as she gazed up at him and it wrenched his heart. Did he have to do this? Did he have to let her go?

And then she was in his arms, clutching him as if she would never let him go.

"Come back to me, Sweetheart." His voice was a tortured whisper to his own ears.

"I love you, Han." She pulled away and gazed up at him, tears in her eyes. "If I don't make it back—"

In a swift motion, he grabbed her chin more roughly than intended. "Don't say that!" He loosened his grip and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "You're going to make it back," he whispered against her lips. She pressed her mouth against his again.

When they parted, her eyes were filled with regret. Leia took a step backwards then slowly turned in the direction of the Palace. Han watched her go until he could no longer see her. She never looked back and Han suspected it was because if she did, she might never make it inside.

Feeling as if his heart had left with her, he turned and headed back to the ship, a resigned sigh emanating from deep inside. He was scared. More scared than he had ever been.

A familiar voice drew his attention. "Captain Solo! What are you doing here?"

Han looked up and was shocked to see Threepio standing before him, a small package in his hands. Light glinted off his golden, metal body as he stood with his head tilted at an angle, giving the impression of surprise.

"Threepio?" he sputtered in disbelief.

"Oh my goodness! Thank the Maker!"

"How'd you get here?"

"Oh, Captain Solo, it's a very long story! First, I was captured by the Imperials on Hoth! Then I was brought here to Coruscant and made into a translator at the Imperial Palace. But Commander Kato said that I was—"

"Shut up and let's go!" Knowing he would regret it later, Han grabbed the droid by the arm and dragged him along.

###

With the Force as her ally, it was easy work slipping unnoticed through the Palace. Reaching out with her senses, she could feel Luke's familiar presence, but it was bathed in darkness. He felt like a rare, precious gem mired in sludge.

She battled down the dismay this made her feel. Calm…she must remain calm no matter what happened.

Following the wisps of Luke's presence, Leia wound her way through the corridors, ducking Stormtroopers and Imperial officers. Finally, she came to a large, steel door behind which, she sensed her brother's presence. It was familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. She took a deep steadying breath then placed her palm on the controls. When it slid open, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the low lights.

The room was a large viewport that held a spectacular view of Imperial City, lights twinkling and celebrating the night, oblivious to the severe gravity of the moment. A shadow stood before the transparisteel, gazing at the bright scene before him. He was dressed all in black and seemed to blend into the room. Only his hair could be made out in the dim light. Leia stood and waited.

"Father said you would come to us."

His words turned Leia's stomach. "I came for you. Not him."

He turned slowly to face her, light from outside glancing across his features. His head titled slightly to one side. "It makes no difference. We both awaited your arrival."

"Luke—"

"I am no longer Luke. I am Darth Blight." His voice was quiet and beseeching in darkness, as if soothing a child with verbal poison.

"You are Luke Skywalker and you are my brother."

He smiled but his eyes were hooded, the blue appearing almost black. "I am your brother, indeed. Come." He reached a hand out to her. "Be my sister in darkness."

She shook her head slowly. "I will never join you in darkness, Luke. Come back to the light. It's where you belong."

His hand dropped to his side. "I belong here, with Father."

"This isn't you, Luke. You aren't this dark person."

"Oh, but I am. If only you knew the power of the dark side, Leia."

A shiver flew down her spine. "I have no interest in darkness."

He began to pace slowly around the circular room, around Leia, who stood in the middle. "You're powerful, Leia. More powerful than I expected."

She turned to track him as he moved across the perimeter of the room. He stopped suddenly and faced her, deadly calm. "We can rule the galaxy. Father, you, and me. We can destroy the Emperor and rule as a family."

She shook her head slowly. "Never."

He smiled. "I don't want to fight you, Sister."

"Nor I, you."

"Make this easy then. Come with me. Learn about the dark side. It is inevitable."

She could feel the darkness radiating from him in waves, like an evil gust of wind. "It is impossible. Luke, this isn't you."

He grinned and resumed pacing.

Her voice grew sad. "What has he done to you?"

"Father has made me more powerful." His eyes lit on the weapon hanging at her side and he stopped. "Your lightsaber. Did Yoda give it to you?"

"Yes."

The door slid suddenly open and Leia's eyes raced to it but before she could give thought to Darth Vader standing in the doorway, she felt more than heard the snap hiss of Luke's lightsaber. Hers was in her hand and lit just in time to parry Luke's attack. The blades crossed with a crack and all Leia could see was the bright glow of green against red.

###

AN: To the guest reviewer who asked about Threepio...I didn't want to ruin the surprise. Now you know ;)


	39. Chapter 39: The Dark or the Light

Oh, I miscounted. I thought there was one post after this, but there are two more. Thank you all so much, you are the best readers/reviewers! Enjoy...

###

By the time they reached the Falcon, Han had lost all patience for Threepio's tale of woe. Without warning, he had shut the droid down in mid-sentence. He was far too anxious to deal with his rambling.

He didn't know what to do with himself. Waiting to hear from Leia was going to seem endless. Placing his comlink close by, Han set to work on adjusting the settings for the quad gun. If he didn't do something, he would lose his mind with worry. He was not used to this feeling of uselessness, of just waiting. He was a man of action and he preferred to be in the thick of things. Especially when someone he cared about was in danger.

He couldn't fathom the possibility that she might not come back. It was unthinkable. They had been through so much and had finally come through to the other side. She had to come back to him.

She had said that she would love him forever. Han hoped fervently that forever was not upon them. He needed her. In the past, the idea of needing anyone was inconceivable. It had always been something to avoid at all costs.

The idea of needing her had scared the hell out of him at first. But, she had understood. And she had soothed his fears. Now, all he wanted was to be the best man he could be, for her.

She just had to make it back to him.

His hands worked in the hopes that his mind would cease racing. He felt as if his heart had gone into battle with Leia.

###

Green and red clashed, retreated then clashed again. Leia gripped her lightsaber in two hands, blocking, parrying, then striking; all the while, desperately wishing she was not engaged in this battle with her brother.

Loud, modulated breathing surrounded them. Did it seem so loud to only her? Vader had not spoken a word; he only watched and breathed.

Luke's blade swung for her and Leia soared upward, spinning overhead and landing far behind him.

"I don't want to fight you, Luke."

Illuminated by his blade, his face glistened a soft red. "Then end this conflict between us."

Leia smiled, a ghost of her usual humor. "That's what I'm trying to do." She stole a glance at Vader and Luke took that moment to swing forward, lightsaber spinning.

With a graceful thrust, she deflected the attack, driving Luke backwards. Her hand lifted and Luke flew into the wall behind him, sliding down the wall with an audible grunt.

He was back on his feet in an instant, lightsaber pointed towards Leia. "Impressive." The first light of anger glinted in his eyes and a tiny spike of fear chilled Leia for just a moment; then she was calm again.

With a flurry of movements, Luke spun and struck, driving Leia back towards the wall. He feinted to one side then undercut from the other, causing Leia to almost lose her balance in defense. The crack of their blades echoed throughout the chamber, loud, the only sound other than the deep, regulated respiration that seemed to come from everywhere.

She was backed into a corner now. In one quick movement, Leia shut down her lightsaber, tucked her body, and rolled past Luke's feet. She unfurled to a defensive stance behind him, reigniting her sword.

Luke spun to face her. He lowered his lightsaber. "Leia, you've become so powerful. Don't you see what the three of us can be together? What we can accomplish?"

"What happened to the good man who wanted justice for the galaxy? Who wanted to make it a better place?"

His smile chilled her. "I've found my place with Father. We will make our own justice." He paused and took a step closer to her, lightsaber still pointed downwards. "With you at our side, with our combined power, we can destroy the Emperor. No one will be more powerful than our family."

A forceful surge of darkness radiated from Luke and suddenly, Leia knew that he was lost; that the more she fought him, the more she fueled his darkness. She stood up straight, shut down her lightsaber and dropped it to the floor.

"I will not fight you, Luke." He would have to kill her. She was prepared to die. She only regretted losing Luke to the evil clutches of Vader and the Emperor; and leaving Han behind to grieve. Guilt tugged at her heart. Han wouldn't understand. He would blame himself for not going with her, not protecting her.

Luke…he had chosen this path. It broke her heart but there was nothing she could do. As long as Vader had this dark, paternal hold over him, it was out of her hands.

Finally, Vader's deep voice boomed in her ears. "Kill her," he instructed his son.

His eyes flew to Vader as he strode behind Luke, hands on hips, legs planted apart in a dominant stance.

"But, Father…she is supposed to join us."

Leia saw a sudden conflict in his eyes as he held his lightsaber towards her but tilted his head in Vader's direction. It was the first hint of doubt he had shown.

"She is weak," Vader thundered from behind Luke. "We do not need her. Kill her now."

Luke swiveled his full attention back to Leia. She stood, hands slack at her sides, dampening the slight fear that shook her, preparing herself for that final, eternal rest. She had done all that she could in this lifetime. She was ready. And, if Luke was truly so lost, she could not save him now.

She gave a small smile, eyes locked on Luke, tuning out all else. "I love you, brother." She reached out to him through the Force, felt his ambiguity, his desire to please this monster, his remaining loyalty towards her.

Something trembled in his gaze as he swung his blade back. Leia closed her eyes and concentrated on the Force around her…felt it flowing and swirling. And there was peace and nothing else.

She did not flinch as she heard the humming approach of Luke's blade; but instead of the impact, she heard a thunderous howl of pain that reverberated throughout the chamber and when she opened her eyes, she saw Vader on the floor, a steaming slit at the throat of his armor. He gurgled and wheezed and Leia's mind was numb with shock. Luke stood over him, tears coursing down his cheeks. He dropped his lightsaber to the floor and fell to his knees.

For an eternal moment, she simply stood in disbelief, as the wheezing died down and was silent. She dropped beside Luke and took him in her arms, cradling him in her grateful embrace, as he wept.


	40. Chapter 40: Fight and Flight

Second to last chapter! So, Wednesday will be the final chapter. This story has seemed to go on forever lol. But, I won't be gone long, I will be back next week with a brand new story that I hope you wonderful readers will read and enjoy :)

###

Chewie roared an encouraging comment and Han grumbled in response. "Of course she'll be okay, ya big furball. I don't need you to tell me that." Han's mouth pinched to a pucker as he twisted together three wires. His shoulders were tense and he felt suffocated.

The Wookiee growled more softly.

Han let the wires fall from his hands and breathed harshly through his nose. Of course, his friend knew he was deeply worried. More worried and more afraid than he ever would have thought he could be about anyone.

Sure, she had gained all these new powers. Had he not seen it himself, he would have scoffed; but, it was true. She had proven him wrong in his views about the Force and made him into a believer.

But, Vader and the Emperor…he couldn't honestly imagine she had a chance against them. With Luke's help, maybe…but, even so…

It was still hard to believe he had allowed her to enter the Palace alone. In the end, he hadn't had much of a choice. She had made her point. What could he possibly do to help her with what she was going up against? Han had never felt so useless.

He glanced up at his co-pilot in a rare moment of candor. "She has to come back," he said quietly.

Chewie huffed softly and placed his large hands on his friend's shoulders. Han reached up and patted him on the arm, appreciative of the comforting gesture. His head hung low and he closed his eyes with a sigh. After everything they had gone through, after more than three years of hesitancy and missteps, he couldn't possibly lose her now. His heart felt liked a downed meteor.

And then, the most beautiful sound blurted from his comlink.

"Han! Han!"

It was Leia's voice! His stomach lurched and his heart soared into hyperspace. He grabbed for the comm, fumbled and almost dropped it, before activating it. "Leia!" he yelled jubilantly.

"Han!" He heard relief mixed with exhaustion in her tone. "We're heading for the roof now!"

"We're on our way!" He grinned and let out a whoop of joy, which Chewie echoed with a boisterous bark. We! She had Luke! Everything was going to be okay.

Captain and co-pilot raced to the cockpit. Han had already requested clearance to depart the hangar, under one of numerous false IDs. They powered up and he was pleased that not a single system faltered or threatened to malfunction for even a moment.

Lifting off from the hangar, he remarked to Chewie, "I don't expect this to be as easy as last time."

Chewie barked agreement.

Under the glittering sky of night, the Falcon sailed over the skylanes of traffic that wove through the sprawl of skytowers covering the Galactic Capital. Approaching the spires at the top of the Palace, Han noted the firefight going on below on the platform of the roof. He brought the comm to his mouth.

"Leia, I'm coming up from the east. What's your position?"

Chaos sounded through the speaker, along with her answering voice. "We're behind the tower farthest south! Holding off a ton of Troopers!"

Chewie growled and pointed, and Han was able to make out the glow of two lightsabers, one red and one green. Laser blasts ricocheted and bounced.

"Time to break out the belly guns," Han mumbled under his breath. He flipped a switch and hit the levers that sent a spray of fire to the north of their position, hovering in the center of the landing pad. The ship continued to spew laser fire as it jetted south to poise directly over Leia and Luke. "Keep the guns blazing," Han called to Chewie before he jumped up and ran to the hold. He grabbed a grappling hook and the emergency rope ladder then attached them together. Ladder in hand, he sprinted to the lower hatch and pulled back the manual release.

Leia and Luke were possibly thirty kilometers below them. Han wasn't sure the ladder would lower far enough. He attached the grappling hook to a sturdy, metal beam and dropped the ladder through the hatch.

"Chewie!" he yelled in to his comlink. "Get as close as you can to the surface!" He received a roar of acknowledgement.

He couldn't see much as he felt the ship descend. Kneeling down, he peered out the hatch just in time to see Leia fly up into a triple jump that landed her on a rung near the bottom of the ladder. Han's heart hammered as he prayed she would not be hit by blaster fire. A blur whizzed by her and Luke was suddenly on the ladder, just above her, deflecting the bolts that sizzled his way.

"Pull 'er up!" Han yelled into the comm then felt them ascending sharply. After what felt like an eternity, Luke's hand reached up and Han grasped it tightly and hauled him through the hatch. Luke scrambled on board but Han could not breathe until Leia was safe.

And finally she was there and Han was pulling her safely through the portal; he fell back onto the deck, Leia landing fully on top of him. He kissed wherever his lips fell; eyes, nose, chin, mouth. His eyes felt damp and he wondered if he were actually crying with relief.

Chewie bellowed and Han dragged himself up, pulling Leia to follow. Luke stood, looking forlorn. There was no time to hesitate. "You two take the guns," Han ordered as he hit the controls to close the lower hatch.

Luke stayed rooted to the spot until Leia grabbed his hand and yanked him in the direction of the quads. Han tore back to the cockpit and jumped into his seat. Chewie already had them shooting for the stars but they had a load of TIEs on their tail. Laser fire skimmed past the hull and Han could feel the ship humming with returning fire from the quads.

Han's fingers whirled over the navicomputer, setting coordinates for the hyperspace jump. Waiting on the coordinates, he grabbed the controls and increased their speed to outrun the TIES.

The ship spurted forward just as a blast of fire from the bottom gun obliterated an enemy fighter.

"Ha!" came Leia's cheer over the intraship comm system.

The smaller fighters were hot on their trail, but Han's ship was faster than most and he pushed its speed to the limit. He felt exhilarated; Leia was safe, Luke was safe, and he was doing what he did best: piloting his ship with wild abandon. Everything was right in the galaxy in that moment.

When the navicomputer beeped to indicate readiness for the jump to lightspeed, Han felt like the luckiest man alive.

He pulled back the lever, leaving Coruscant behind for the streaking starlines of hyperspace.


	41. Chapter 41: It's Not Over Yet

Here it is, the final chapter! Thank you all so much for sticking with this story and thank you to all who reviewed it. Every review is greatly appreciated! Next week I will be posting a new story, A Night to Remember, in which Han and Leia spend the night together after the medal ceremony on Yavin. What follows is a long journey in which feelings are misconstrued, unspoken, and Han and Leia try to navigate through an unusual relationship for the next three years. I hope you will read and enjoy! :)

###

 _La La La La La_

 _As You, I've felt the same._

Epilogue

Leia led him by the hand into their cabin. Had he ever before considered the possibility that this cabin would be anything but his alone? Now, he wanted nothing more than for her to share it with him.

Luke had been sedate and silent, wanting time alone. He looked as if he had been eaten by a rancor, regurgitated then dragged a kilometer by a sandcrawler under the scorching suns of Tatooine. They left him to his own devices and Han was quite content to have Leia to himself.

She was in his arms before the door slid shut behind them. "I'm glad he's dead," she whispered vehemently.

Han didn't have to ask who she was talking about. He held her tightly, soothing her hair and back with a gentle hand. He hadn't asked what had happened back there. Leia would speak of it in her own time. He only cared that she was safe and sound, back where she belonged.

Her arms clutched his torso convulsively and he realized her entire body was trembling.

"Sweetheart, everything's okay now," he whispered near her ear. A shaky breath sighed against his neck and he could hear her swallow.

"I was so calm," she breathed, sounding near tears. "I wasn't scared at all when it was happening. I didn't even get angry."

Han guessed that the weight of what happened was finally hitting her. "Yoda would be proud of you," he said in a soft thunder. Her tremors were not subsiding so he backed her up to the bunk and gently maneuvered her to sit beside him, still within his embrace. Her head fit snugly below his chin. "Shhh, you're okay. And Luke is okay."

He held her for an endless amount of time, until her body ceased shaking. He would gladly hold her forever. Finally, when she was still, she lifted her head, and swiped at the few tears on her cheeks. She brought her head to rest on his shoulder with a deep sigh.

"It isn't over." Her voice was such a soft whisper that Han wasn't certain he had heard her right.

"What do you mean?" He had a feeling he didn't want to know the answer.

Her voice remained low. "The Emperor wasn't on Coruscant."

As he digested this information, it occurred to Han that Palpatine's absence had been a stroke of luck.

Leia's head lifted from his shoulder and in her eyes Han saw the weight of the galaxy. Her lower lip trembled when she spoke. "He's overseeing the construction of the new Death Star."

His stomach dipped grimly at the news. It had been Leia's biggest fear when, on Ord Mantell, they had learned of a new project the Empire had planned. His mouth screwed up to one side as her eyes dropped to her lap. He knew how much this hurt her. "Did Luke tell you this?"

She nodded, eyes still downcast.

Turning towards her, he placed his hands firmly on her shoulders. "Don't worry, Princess," he said with a quiet confidence he did not feel. "You won this battle. Now, we'll win the war." He wanted this, more than anything; for Leia.

Her gaze rose to his and he saw a slow, subtle shift in her expression, a question forming in her eyes. "Does that mean…?" Her voice drifted off in uncertainty.

His brow shifted downwards as he tried to decipher her meaning. "What?"

Leia's eyes lowered and she cleared her throat delicately. In a nervous gesture, her fingers repeatedly smoothed the hem of her white tunic. Her voice was hesitant. "What I'm asking is…"

When she looked at him again, her eyes were large and vulnerable and it suddenly hit him what she was wondering. It pulled at his heartstrings and tugged a smile to his lips. She had to ask?

"Yes," he said simply.

Her brow rose. "Yes?"

He smiled more broadly. "Yes. I'm staying with the Rebellion." His hands moved to cradle her face tenderly and his gaze turned serious. "I'm staying with _you,_ Leia."

The tension left her eyes and a heartfelt smile sprung to her lips. Han grinned in response then placed a hand behind her head and brought his mouth to hers, his entire being in that one kiss.

She pulled back to look at him, eyes shining with love and warmth. Han thought back to their first moments together, in the detention center on the Death Star, and the long, well-worn path they had taken to get to this place. The teasing, insults, grudging respect…everything that had passed between them until this moment. It seemed like a lifetime. But, their lifetime together was just beginning. He was certain that there were hard times ahead. But, with Leia, the journey would be exhilarating.

END


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